Anonymous
Post 09/12/2025 19:45     Subject: Stopping someone leaving from becoming a circus
You sound like you don’t know what’s going on
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2025 19:16     Subject: Stopping someone leaving from becoming a circus
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are they leaving or not? I’m confused. They have the right to take vacation.


OP, I have not had him under oath say he is leaving,but along with what I have listed, he stopped engaging with people and in meetings won't even have eye contact. Seems like he is blowing everybody off + plus will wind up with no vacation time during the holidays so hard to believe he has not checked out and is wrapping up.


You cannot just assume he’s leaving. Maybe there is something going on in his life. You are a horrible manager.


You sound like a nightmare of a leader, so I would not be shocked if he were leaving. That being said, there are many other reasons these behaviors and taking of vacation time could be occurring.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2025 19:14     Subject: Stopping someone leaving from becoming a circus
OP it would be unfortunate for your company if you harass your employee only to find out he was being treated for cancer or terminal illness. I think you're going to make a lot of employment lawyers happy during your career.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2025 14:07     Subject: Stopping someone leaving from becoming a circus
In addition to what everyone already said, if one person leaving creates such a “circus” for you, you need to do a better job eliminating this key person dependency. It’s such a cliche term but I think very appropriate in this case. You shouldn’t be freaking out that a person is leaving (whether or not it’s true), and besides, what about the proverbial getting hit by the bus?
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2025 14:01     Subject: Stopping someone leaving from becoming a circus
Always trust your gut. You know he’s changed. But it could be he’s did the quiet quit thing. Maybe he has no immediate plan to leave, but has decided to ride things out with this new “whatever” attitude as long as he can.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2025 13:25     Subject: Stopping someone leaving from becoming a circus
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are they leaving or not? I’m confused. They have the right to take vacation.


OP, I have not had him under oath say he is leaving,but along with what I have listed, he stopped engaging with people and in meetings won't even have eye contact. Seems like he is blowing everybody off + plus will wind up with no vacation time during the holidays so hard to believe he has not checked out and is wrapping up.


it sounds like you should be having. conversation with him about *this*. "Hey Bob, in the last few months it's really felt like you are no longer engaging with colleagues and blowing off some deliverables. Is there anything going on? Is there any additional support I can provide you? As you know you're a critical member of our team, and I'm concerned."

Obviously leave varies by employer-- if your employer pays out unused leave then blowing it all may not actually indicate leaving. If you're one of those "unlimited PTO" shops or don't pay out leave on departure then yeah they're probably going to try to maximize the use of their earned benefits.


I agree with this poster. It’s crazy that you’ve spoken to a recruiter about replacing this employee but you haven’t actually tried talking to him to find out what’s going on.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2025 13:18     Subject: Stopping someone leaving from becoming a circus
He just hates you and is doing what he can to screw you up. Given your tone and attitude, he is doing the right thing.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2025 12:56     Subject: Re:Stopping someone leaving from becoming a circus
To me sounds like they got some bad health prognosis or someone in their family did and they are dealing with it.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2025 12:30     Subject: Stopping someone leaving from becoming a circus
I wouldn't want to work for a manager who feels this way about their people taking time off....which is a benefit of employment and shouldn't be withheld by any team manager.

And as an HR leader, you are setting yourself up for a complaint (minimum) or a lawsuit (more serious) if you are perceived to be trying to push this employe out by having an issue with time off, and engaging in activities to replace him while he's in the role.

I hope he's looking. He deserves a better manager.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2025 11:46     Subject: Re:Stopping someone leaving from becoming a circus
I took a week off in July and a week off in August. Because I earned those vacation days and those are the best months out of the year.

I'm not leaving my job.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2025 11:42     Subject: Stopping someone leaving from becoming a circus
Anonymous wrote:Someone on my team in a key position is leaving. But he is totally passive aggressive. Took two vacation weeks in last two months and just requested another one three weeks from now. And might I add, a personal day next week. Just smiles and never voices displeasure. Do I absolutely know he is going? No, but all the telltale signs are there, including nothing personal in his office and every so often giving someone an FU type smartass answer.

Here's the thing, I already spoke to recruiters about filling the position because I cannot afford to have it vacant. What if I get someone before he resigns? It could very well happen in this market. Or he finds out about the search?


I tend to be manager friendly but I have to agree that you sound unreasonable. 3 weeks of vacation over the course of half the year is not unreasonable, especially if they hadn’t taken any all year. And you are begrudging a personal day? Seriously??

He may indeed be looking, but I would seriously reconsider your management style going forward
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2025 11:32     Subject: Stopping someone leaving from becoming a circus
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are they leaving or not? I’m confused. They have the right to take vacation.


OP, I have not had him under oath say he is leaving,but along with what I have listed, he stopped engaging with people and in meetings won't even have eye contact. Seems like he is blowing everybody off + plus will wind up with no vacation time during the holidays so hard to believe he has not checked out and is wrapping up.


it sounds like you should be having. conversation with him about *this*. "Hey Bob, in the last few months it's really felt like you are no longer engaging with colleagues and blowing off some deliverables. Is there anything going on? Is there any additional support I can provide you? As you know you're a critical member of our team, and I'm concerned."

Obviously leave varies by employer-- if your employer pays out unused leave then blowing it all may not actually indicate leaving. If you're one of those "unlimited PTO" shops or don't pay out leave on departure then yeah they're probably going to try to maximize the use of their earned benefits.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2025 06:49     Subject: Stopping someone leaving from becoming a circus
All I need about you, OP, is from your use of the phrase "and might I add" in your OP. You're a snitty manager who doesn't think her staff should be permitted to used earned time off. Wake up, toots.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2025 06:46     Subject: Stopping someone leaving from becoming a circus
You seem like a crap manager that you begrudge an employee taking earned vaca and personal days. And gasp! He took two weeks vacation over....the summer months?! That's nuts! Seriously, OP, if this dude is leaving and seems to have a bad attitude, just look in the mirror for the catalyst. Maybe you should have treated him better if his role is so vital?