Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes because I’m an adult who can put aside my emotions for 20 seconds.

I'm also an adult and don't have to hug anyone I don't want to.

This is very childish and immature. There is no reason to create drama over a hug. You don’t need to like every family member, but don’t create drama at family gatherings over a stupid hug. If you are doing this at family gatherings, it’s very likely that you are the problem, not the other people you dislike. Anyone who acts like this at a family gathering does not have enough introspection to realize they are the one Instigating arguments and causing conflict in the family.

Hard disagree. Offering a handshake or wave if that's what you're more comfortable with is not "creating drama." But getting upset over the fact that someone has chosen to greet you in a less physical way sure sounds dramatic. Why do you care? Why is it important for people to submit to having your bodies pressed together? If the person feels uncomfortable with it, you are clearly not close anyway.

I did stop hugging my BIL some years ago and it was seriously distressing to my ILs but it was something I had to do for myself. He was inappropriate and frequently made inappropriate comments to me that made me uncomfortable. Then once he was hugging me goodbye and (despite having never done this before in several years of knowing each other) gave me a kiss on the cheek that landed uncomfortably close to my lips. It was extremely uncomfortable and I stopped hugging him after that.

I know it made people mad but sometimes you hit your limit and you need to draw a boundary.

I actually think it was a wake up call to BIL to stop being so weird and inappropriate around me, and he's actually a little better now. I still don't hug him though.

One armer

Anonymous wrote:No one outside of America hug presses your body. Get over it old smelly or creepy peeps.

So true. We hug a lot but it is also mostly a side hug and a pat on the back or handshake.

No, I do not hug everybody. If I don't like you, I don't hug. It drives DH's family crazy, they are all about appearances.

I have an apron with a built in basting turkey sewn into the front of it so at any point I have a plausible excuse to not hug someone. I also crow "No thanks- I do NOT want to hug YOU!" in case they are obtuse.

Anonymous wrote:No one outside of America hug presses your body. Get over it old smelly or creepy peeps.

Touche

I hug them because while I may dislike them, they are family and I still love them. So I hug hello and then go chat with the family members I like, and then hug them goodbye.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes because I’m an adult who can put aside my emotions for 20 seconds.

I'm also an adult and don't have to hug anyone I don't want to.

This is very childish and immature. There is no reason to create drama over a hug. You don’t need to like every family member, but don’t create drama at family gatherings over a stupid hug. If you are doing this at family gatherings, it’s very likely that you are the problem, not the other people you dislike. Anyone who acts like this at a family gathering does not have enough introspection to realize they are the one Instigating arguments and causing conflict in the family.

Why don't you consider the person demanding hugs to be the drama creator?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes because I’m an adult who can put aside my emotions for 20 seconds.

I'm also an adult and don't have to hug anyone I don't want to.

This is very childish and immature. There is no reason to create drama over a hug. You don’t need to like every family member, but don’t create drama at family gatherings over a stupid hug. If you are doing this at family gatherings, it’s very likely that you are the problem, not the other people you dislike. Anyone who acts like this at a family gathering does not have enough introspection to realize they are the one Instigating arguments and causing conflict in the family.

Nope. This is rapist mentality. My body is my body. You don't get to touch it because you feel like it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes because I’m an adult who can put aside my emotions for 20 seconds.

I'm also an adult and don't have to hug anyone I don't want to.

This is very childish and immature. There is no reason to create drama over a hug. You don’t need to like every family member, but don’t create drama at family gatherings over a stupid hug. If you are doing this at family gatherings, it’s very likely that you are the problem, not the other people you dislike. Anyone who acts like this at a family gathering does not have enough introspection to realize they are the one Instigating arguments and causing conflict in the family.

So if you had a relative that is verbally abusive to a parent, spouse or other loved one in your presence, you would hug them to not cause conflict? I think people could expect you to be civil in presence of others, but no expectation to hug and it’s neither childish or immature if don’t want to touch or be touched by someone dislike.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes because I’m an adult who can put aside my emotions for 20 seconds.

I'm also an adult and don't have to hug anyone I don't want to.

This is very childish and immature. There is no reason to create drama over a hug. You don’t need to like every family member, but don’t create drama at family gatherings over a stupid hug. If you are doing this at family gatherings, it’s very likely that you are the problem, not the other people you dislike. Anyone who acts like this at a family gathering does not have enough introspection to realize they are the one Instigating arguments and causing conflict in the family.

In our family, greeting visitors at the door when they arrive and bidding them farewell when they leave - is huge.
Also, in my culture, if we go to an event/party and we see people that we know who are our peers or elder to us - we go and greet them. My kids are the same. They know that they have to meet and greet all the elders and known people, and it is usually a hug, side hug, or any greeting gesture.

In my youth, I have disliked people and not greeted them properly. As I have grown older, I have realized that relationships are always fluid. Even if you don't like someone, you should not let them know and you should not make waves. Unless they are sexual abusers or something like that.

I don't. This genuinely stressed me out as a kid, and now I feel like I can set the example of politely saying hello/goodbye without physical touch for kids who might feel similarly today.

Anonymous wrote:The side hug is like a weak handshake. It signals that you are awkward without you ever having to say a word. I say this as the child of a family of side huggers. It’s even weird still for me and I’m the daughter. Welcome to the Island of Misfit Toys!

Exactly! It signals that the person pushing for a hug is awkward and clueless. Side hug for the win.