Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 17:46     Subject: Can I tell my mom to knock it off?
What is grandma going to do when dd goes away for college and can't come home to attend weeknight celebrations?

I would compromise for one weeknight celebration per month and that's it.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 17:27     Subject: Re:Can I tell my mom to knock it off?
No one gets to be emotionally manipulating ~ meaning, The Guilt Trip. OP, your Mom is being rude. She is likely to hurt her relationship with her Granddaughter, if not a lot, at least a little. You should continue to give her firm answers, which you have done. End phone conversations that wander into Guilt Trip territory. And let your DD know she does not need to respond to every one of Grandma's calls/messages.

Having said all that, are there any of your DD's activities where it's ok to watch? Invite your Mom. And encourage your DD to keep Grandma in-the-loop on her life, on her aspirations. IF Grandma can manage that. Without expressing too many opinions.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 17:25     Subject: Can I tell my mom to knock it off?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Family is important as is celebrating holidays. Since you say family is local, can DD drive over for Rosh Hashanah dinner, stay for two hours, then drive home to do homework?

In our big, Jewish, academically-driven family this happened often, as did kids all piling into one room to do homework from various schools together. It was like Family Study Hall.


OP again I see my mother has entered the thread

Seriously, family is important, but we could care less about specific holidays. We aren't religious at all. There's no upside to having family dinner on Monday night versus Friday night for us. And if I add too much to my kids schedule, she will still want to do the same amount of work, she's 17, not 12. She will just be more stressed. I think I mention we have had my mom over for dinner twice since school started (when dinner is at our house, my daughter can come and be social for 60-90 minutes and then excuse herself) and are spending two weekends with her in the fall alone. I'm just holding the line on filling entire weekday evenings.

Honestly, she works hard, but I never thought of her as /over/ scheduled. She picked her own course load. And she has a fair amount of friends who have a sport that practices daily until 6 or 7. I have no idea how those kids do it.

She's a pretty serious musician, like she could go to conservatory if she wanted to. But she literally came to me last year, as a sophomore, and said she noticed her friends in youth orchestra going for conservatory education had grades that really suffered by junior year. She decided she wants to study music at a regular university, so she can focus on academics. So I think she has her head together around what she wants to spend her time on and what she can handle.



You clearly want to tell your mom off, so do it instead of writing long, defensive justifications here. It's clear you want DD to please you, and not your extended family.


💯


I'm fully on OP's side.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 17:24     Subject: Can I tell my mom to knock it off?

Ignore the troll, OP. You're doing the right thing. Focus on your child and college admissions. Your mother will just have to lump it.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 17:14     Subject: Can I tell my mom to knock it off?

You’re adult. Speak up to that mother of yours.
Tell her NO!
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 17:13     Subject: Can I tell my mom to knock it off?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Family is important as is celebrating holidays. Since you say family is local, can DD drive over for Rosh Hashanah dinner, stay for two hours, then drive home to do homework?

In our big, Jewish, academically-driven family this happened often, as did kids all piling into one room to do homework from various schools together. It was like Family Study Hall.

What an awful plan.


OP again... at the risk of rambling even more. Also a bad idea in our case as every other cousin goes to a Jewish school. So these holidays are time off for them with weekend energy.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 17:08     Subject: Can I tell my mom to knock it off?
Anonymous wrote:I remember my dad telling my grandfather to "knock it off" one time when he wasn't taking a no from me about something for an answer. It still feels good that he had my back decades later.

This is exactly the energy OP needs. Kid > bully grandma
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 17:05     Subject: Can I tell my mom to knock it off?
Anonymous wrote:Family is important as is celebrating holidays. Since you say family is local, can DD drive over for Rosh Hashanah dinner, stay for two hours, then drive home to do homework?

In our big, Jewish, academically-driven family this happened often, as did kids all piling into one room to do homework from various schools together. It was like Family Study Hall.

What an awful plan.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 17:03     Subject: Can I tell my mom to knock it off?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Family is important as is celebrating holidays. Since you say family is local, can DD drive over for Rosh Hashanah dinner, stay for two hours, then drive home to do homework?

In our big, Jewish, academically-driven family this happened often, as did kids all piling into one room to do homework from various schools together. It was like Family Study Hall.


OP again I see my mother has entered the thread

Seriously, family is important, but we could care less about specific holidays. We aren't religious at all. There's no upside to having family dinner on Monday night versus Friday night for us. And if I add too much to my kids schedule, she will still want to do the same amount of work, she's 17, not 12. She will just be more stressed. I think I mention we have had my mom over for dinner twice since school started (when dinner is at our house, my daughter can come and be social for 60-90 minutes and then excuse herself) and are spending two weekends with her in the fall alone. I'm just holding the line on filling entire weekday evenings.

Honestly, she works hard, but I never thought of her as /over/ scheduled. She picked her own course load. And she has a fair amount of friends who have a sport that practices daily until 6 or 7. I have no idea how those kids do it.

She's a pretty serious musician, like she could go to conservatory if she wanted to. But she literally came to me last year, as a sophomore, and said she noticed her friends in youth orchestra going for conservatory education had grades that really suffered by junior year. She decided she wants to study music at a regular university, so she can focus on academics. So I think she has her head together around what she wants to spend her time on and what she can handle.



You clearly want to tell your mom off, so do it instead of writing long, defensive justifications here. It's clear you want DD to please you, and not your extended family.


💯
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 17:02     Subject: Can I tell my mom to knock it off?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Family is important as is celebrating holidays. Since you say family is local, can DD drive over for Rosh Hashanah dinner, stay for two hours, then drive home to do homework?

In our big, Jewish, academically-driven family this happened often, as did kids all piling into one room to do homework from various schools together. It was like Family Study Hall.


OP again I see my mother has entered the thread

Seriously, family is important, but we could care less about specific holidays. We aren't religious at all. There's no upside to having family dinner on Monday night versus Friday night for us. And if I add too much to my kids schedule, she will still want to do the same amount of work, she's 17, not 12. She will just be more stressed. I think I mention we have had my mom over for dinner twice since school started (when dinner is at our house, my daughter can come and be social for 60-90 minutes and then excuse herself) and are spending two weekends with her in the fall alone. I'm just holding the line on filling entire weekday evenings.

Honestly, she works hard, but I never thought of her as /over/ scheduled. She picked her own course load. And she has a fair amount of friends who have a sport that practices daily until 6 or 7. I have no idea how those kids do it.

She's a pretty serious musician, like she could go to conservatory if she wanted to. But she literally came to me last year, as a sophomore, and said she noticed her friends in youth orchestra going for conservatory education had grades that really suffered by junior year. She decided she wants to study music at a regular university, so she can focus on academics. So I think she has her head together around what she wants to spend her time on and what she can handle.



You clearly want to tell your mom off, so do it instead of writing long, defensive justifications here. It's clear you want DD to please you, and not your extended family.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 17:00     Subject: Can I tell my mom to knock it off?
I remember my dad telling my grandfather to "knock it off" one time when he wasn't taking a no from me about something for an answer. It still feels good that he had my back decades later.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 16:58     Subject: Can I tell my mom to knock it off?
Anonymous wrote:Family is important as is celebrating holidays. Since you say family is local, can DD drive over for Rosh Hashanah dinner, stay for two hours, then drive home to do homework?

In our big, Jewish, academically-driven family this happened often, as did kids all piling into one room to do homework from various schools together. It was like Family Study Hall.


OP again I see my mother has entered the thread

Seriously, family is important, but we could care less about specific holidays. We aren't religious at all. There's no upside to having family dinner on Monday night versus Friday night for us. And if I add too much to my kids schedule, she will still want to do the same amount of work, she's 17, not 12. She will just be more stressed. I think I mention we have had my mom over for dinner twice since school started (when dinner is at our house, my daughter can come and be social for 60-90 minutes and then excuse herself) and are spending two weekends with her in the fall alone. I'm just holding the line on filling entire weekday evenings.

Honestly, she works hard, but I never thought of her as /over/ scheduled. She picked her own course load. And she has a fair amount of friends who have a sport that practices daily until 6 or 7. I have no idea how those kids do it.

She's a pretty serious musician, like she could go to conservatory if she wanted to. But she literally came to me last year, as a sophomore, and said she noticed her friends in youth orchestra going for conservatory education had grades that really suffered by junior year. She decided she wants to study music at a regular university, so she can focus on academics. So I think she has her head together around what she wants to spend her time on and what she can handle.

Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 16:43     Subject: Can I tell my mom to knock it off?
Anonymous wrote:Family is important as is celebrating holidays. Since you say family is local, can DD drive over for Rosh Hashanah dinner, stay for two hours, then drive home to do homework?

In our big, Jewish, academically-driven family this happened often, as did kids all piling into one room to do homework from various schools together. It was like Family Study Hall.


Not to OP. To OP, having a high achieving kid is more important than family.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 16:38     Subject: Can I tell my mom to knock it off?
Family is important as is celebrating holidays. Since you say family is local, can DD drive over for Rosh Hashanah dinner, stay for two hours, then drive home to do homework?

In our big, Jewish, academically-driven family this happened often, as did kids all piling into one room to do homework from various schools together. It was like Family Study Hall.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2025 16:16     Subject: Can I tell my mom to knock it off?
Anonymous wrote:If a mother or father was working every weeknight until 10 or 11 and 6 hours day on weekends what would we call that?

Unhealthy.

That applies double for a 17 year old.

A lot of teens do this. And regardless of their workload, a lot of teens go to bed in the wee hours of the morning.

Please me mindful that different people have different processing speeds. I had one kid who took hours and hours to do homework that my other kid could do in a few minutes. That made an extreme difference in their bedtimes during their critical years of high school. My slow kid had diagnosed ADHD and low processing speed, with extended time in school and for AP and ACT exams.