Anonymous wrote:found out by chance 22 DS took a quiz recently. and the score puts him in "a higher likelihood of significant autistic traits." he's senior in college, has ADHD but untreated. what do i do if anything?

You should watch season 2 of Rehearsal on HBO. Goes into this subject in depth.

Anonymous wrote:found out by chance 22 DS took a quiz recently. and the score puts him in "a higher likelihood of significant autistic traits." he's senior in college, has ADHD but untreated. what do i do if anything?

Is this a joke? Cheesy online quizzes don’t mean jack squat.

Have him keep a logbook of symptoms and mishaps, then get tested by a psychologist.
Does he have roommates or anyone else he’s with for long stints of time? They could contribute to the survey too.

Coffee and Diet Coke all day long may work. Self medicate!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has a job and a family, he's consternation a functional adult so there's no point in chasing down a diagnosis ‐‐ that's what ASD DH's psychiatrist and nuerologist have said

I disagree with this. By all measures I was a functional adult when I got an official ADHD diagnosis, and yet the dx was really game-changing for me. For one thing, it really helped me snap my life into place a little better. I began to create systems that were mine alone, rather than trying to fit into the systems everyone said I should use but that had never quite worked for me. So I just got BETTER at things. Also, there was a lot of stuff from the past that had registered only as shame or embarassment, that suddenly I could see through the lens of, "oh, that was just my undiagnosed ADHD. Huh." It was like a psychic weight being lifted. I suddenly had empathy for my younger self, not castigation.

YMMV, but a diagnosis can be both helpful and liberating.

OP, can you find an indirect way into the conversation? Just ask more general questions about what working well, what he's struggling with, what has he learned this year about the world, what has he learned this year about himself. Don't push, but maybe just create the space for him in which he could tell you.

ADHD is not like Autism.

People who can’t pay attention are messy, disorganized, can’t finish projects on time can make changes like you did. Why did you need someone diagnosing ADHD for you to organize systems that work just for you? Do you take stimulants?

Often adhd can’t self start or finish a task or project.

ID what needs to be done
Have the wherewithal to do it on time
Do it correctly.

Those three things need to loop quickly and instinctively or one will flail around doing. One of it. Or need a teacher or mother or other adult to do steps 1 or 2 or 3 for them.

Anonymous wrote:If he has a job and a family, he's consternation a functional adult so there's no point in chasing down a diagnosis ‐‐ that's what ASD DH's psychiatrist and nuerologist have said

False. You need to know what’s going on and what targeted treatments for all to do. And then if willing.

I thought my husband needed a brain scan he was dropping the ball so much executive function-wise and forgetting previous communications and decisions we made about our house, family and kids.

Then I got books on passive aggressive men things were going so badly once the kids arrived in the scene.

Then I spent more time with his family overseas and saw it was all cluelessness, not malice. Not cultural. But dangers, poor judgment (kid safety, easily avoidable bad situations, falling for scams) and dropped balls were still rampant.

Maybe it was adhd? Maybe it was asd? Maybe it was narcissism? Meanwhile I was as being emotionally and verbally abused. He didn’t want to talk about anything or have responsibilities or try to remember what was decided. He’d explode, stonewall, threaten divorce to shut down normal conversations. He’d hide behind his iPhone and work all the time, go to bed at 9pm and wake at 5am, ignore us all, put on a short show for outsiders then crash all weekend. No ability to regulate his emotions (which was mainly anger and rage). His explosion cycles got more frequent, Things were bad, and we had a 2 and 4 yo.

I’d sit at work in a sickening daze. I didn’t know whether to see a divorce attorney or the police or doctors or move out with the kids. I started disclosing this to close friends and family. Books were recommended. Adhd perhaps, that’s more easily treatable.

In some moment of lucidity, he agreed to get a neurosych test. I didn’t know wtf was going on with him, but I had adult friends on Ritalin or adderol. I know now he took the test to “prove to everyone he was fine.”

He still denies his DX. But the DX helped me find targeted psychologists for me to cope and him to try to baby step new habits into his life— greet your family members in the morning, say good night, take a walk outside and don’t explode, leave the house for 3 days if you do fly into the rage in front of your wife and kids, do DBT therapy (he refused, too busy).

His Dx was adhd, asd, bipolar II, anxiety and depression.

He only agrees to take Lexapro, which he forgets many days.

We live parallel lives and he mainly works.

Family courts don’t and won’t care.

Kids are middle school now and will be in therapy soon to learn to set boundaries. One has adhd and HFA ASD as well, shall see how it plays out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you not suspect? Are you autistic, but don't recognize it?
There's a lot of information out there now.

he had ADHD dx but autism was ruled out when little.

He never got another neuropsych test since then?

I assume has doesn’t have any symptoms that cause chronic dysfunction. Otherwise he’d be treating his adhd and if that didn’t work, he’d be exploring more testing for AuDHD or whatever.
Having healthy coping skills and not maladaptive ones is important too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has a job and a family, he's consternation a functional adult so there's no point in chasing down a diagnosis ‐‐ that's what ASD DH's psychiatrist and nuerologist have said

I disagree with this. By all measures I was a functional adult when I got an official ADHD diagnosis, and yet the dx was really game-changing for me. For one thing, it really helped me snap my life into place a little better. I began to create systems that were mine alone, rather than trying to fit into the systems everyone said I should use but that had never quite worked for me. So I just got BETTER at things. Also, there was a lot of stuff from the past that had registered only as shame or embarassment, that suddenly I could see through the lens of, "oh, that was just my undiagnosed ADHD. Huh." It was like a psychic weight being lifted. I suddenly had empathy for my younger self, not castigation.

YMMV, but a diagnosis can be both helpful and liberating.

OP, can you find an indirect way into the conversation? Just ask more general questions about what working well, what he's struggling with, what has he learned this year about the world, what has he learned this year about himself. Don't push, but maybe just create the space for him in which he could tell you.

ADHD is not like Autism.

People who can’t pay attention are messy, disorganized, can’t finish projects on time can make changes like you did. Why did you need someone diagnosing ADHD for you to organize systems that work just for you? Do you take stimulants?

Those tests are ridiculous. It’s highly unlikely that your 22 year old son in college has autism and no one noticed.

Don’t encourage him, too many adults are diagnosing themselves with autism because it’s a trend now. And this foolishness it taking away the seriousness of profound autism. Children and adults who can’t speak, who make repetitive movements all day, who will never live unattended never mine go to college. Enough

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has a job and a family, he's consternation a functional adult so there's no point in chasing down a diagnosis ‐‐ that's what ASD DH's psychiatrist and nuerologist have said

I disagree with this. By all measures I was a functional adult when I got an official ADHD diagnosis, and yet the dx was really game-changing for me. For one thing, it really helped me snap my life into place a little better. I began to create systems that were mine alone, rather than trying to fit into the systems everyone said I should use but that had never quite worked for me. So I just got BETTER at things. Also, there was a lot of stuff from the past that had registered only as shame or embarassment, that suddenly I could see through the lens of, "oh, that was just my undiagnosed ADHD. Huh." It was like a psychic weight being lifted. I suddenly had empathy for my younger self, not castigation.

YMMV, but a diagnosis can be both helpful and liberating.

OP, can you find an indirect way into the conversation? Just ask more general questions about what working well, what he's struggling with, what has he learned this year about the world, what has he learned this year about himself. Don't push, but maybe just create the space for him in which he could tell you.

thx, appreciate this really helpful post. am thinking of a way to reach out to him while he's away at school.

Anonymous wrote:If he has a job and a family, he's consternation a functional adult so there's no point in chasing down a diagnosis ‐‐ that's what ASD DH's psychiatrist and nuerologist have said

I disagree with this. By all measures I was a functional adult when I got an official ADHD diagnosis, and yet the dx was really game-changing for me. For one thing, it really helped me snap my life into place a little better. I began to create systems that were mine alone, rather than trying to fit into the systems everyone said I should use but that had never quite worked for me. So I just got BETTER at things. Also, there was a lot of stuff from the past that had registered only as shame or embarassment, that suddenly I could see through the lens of, "oh, that was just my undiagnosed ADHD. Huh." It was like a psychic weight being lifted. I suddenly had empathy for my younger self, not castigation.

YMMV, but a diagnosis can be both helpful and liberating.

OP, can you find an indirect way into the conversation? Just ask more general questions about what working well, what he's struggling with, what has he learned this year about the world, what has he learned this year about himself. Don't push, but maybe just create the space for him in which he could tell you.

Anonymous wrote:If he has a job and a family, he's consternation a functional adult so there's no point in chasing down a diagnosis ‐‐ that's what ASD DH's psychiatrist and nuerologist have said

I think it is good to know

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How exactly did you find out “by chance”?

does it matter how if you're really trying to be helpful?

Yes. It matters.

his shared w/ sis and dd showed me. now, how can you help?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How exactly did you find out “by chance”?

does it matter how if you're really trying to be helpful?

Yes. It matters.

If he has a job and a family, he's consternation a functional adult so there's no point in chasing down a diagnosis ‐‐ that's what ASD DH's psychiatrist and nuerologist have said

MY 24 year old took the same quiz, and there treatment on his alone, looking back he does