Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, don't go looking for reasons for them -not- to do this ~ you will thank us later

Not looking for a reason for them not to do this. Looking for expenses they aren't considering so they don't choose a place they can't actually afford.

OP I'm following this thread because we're looking at all the options too. There's the fancy place that they obviously can't afford. This place has been courting them (and their peers) for years, with informational free luncheons. They should dial back the luncheons and make their care more affordable!

There are other places that seem affordable, but like you, I'm wondering if we'll see fees tacked on every single month that will be impossible to trim because they are just baked-in. If that's the case I want to know eyes wide open.

Anonymous wrote:Your parents are giving you a gift by voluntarily downsizing and moving to a retirement facility before there is a crisis. Do NOT try and talk them out of this. Asking questions to help them plan, or debating the merits of one place vs. another is fine. But grab this opportunity with both hands!

For counterpoint, read the hundreds of threads on elderly parents who insist on staying in their (often cluttered, unsafe, isolated) homes until the 427th medical crisis forces an emergency choice among whatever is available at that time.

+100

Also as others have mentioned find out if it has an assisted living option or other service options in the very likely event that their needs will increase at some point.

Anonymous wrote:Op, don't go looking for reasons for them -not- to do this ~ you will thank us later

Not looking for a reason for them not to do this. Looking for expenses they aren't considering so they don't choose a place they can't actually afford.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. Another post reminded me. In independent living, you had to pay someone if you needed someone to check on you. My mom was paying about $30 a day for a check-in who dropped in to make sure meds were taken and my grandma could get up and walk. Sometimes she had arthritic troubles getting out of her chair during the last year of her life.

My mom visited about 4-5 days a week so this person was an extra daily contact.

Well yes because the definition of independent living is that you don't need any extra outside help on a daily basis. If you need someone to ensure you take your meds, you must pay for that (if the facility themselves will even provide it---many require you to go to assisted living for that).

Then what makes it different from just a plain 'ol apartment?

If you fall down and shout for help, someone will likely hear you and come to help.

That's the only difference? So you are basically just paying rent?

It's a much more controlled, and senior-accepting environment, than an apartment building. The managers are onsite and support the residents in a senior-appropriate way (vs. offside management, more focused on collecting rent and arranging repairs, not specially patient qith elderly).

There are usually some community activities so people can make friends. They also do social things like they can offer an on-site memorial service for a resident.

There may be food service.

The building may be more elderly accessible - elevators are large for scooters, ADA-compliant access, robust grab bars in bathrooms, other bathroom features that are harder to find in apartments (walk-in showers, etc.).

Just some ideas. These are definitely more convenient than a regular apartment but more expensive. If your family can support your independent life in a house or apartment (without home health support) it may be cheaper to stay in a regular residence vs. independent living.

Thank you. This was very helpful.

Op, don't go looking for reasons for them -not- to do this ~ you will thank us later

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. Another post reminded me. In independent living, you had to pay someone if you needed someone to check on you. My mom was paying about $30 a day for a check-in who dropped in to make sure meds were taken and my grandma could get up and walk. Sometimes she had arthritic troubles getting out of her chair during the last year of her life.

My mom visited about 4-5 days a week so this person was an extra daily contact.

Well yes because the definition of independent living is that you don't need any extra outside help on a daily basis. If you need someone to ensure you take your meds, you must pay for that (if the facility themselves will even provide it---many require you to go to assisted living for that).

Then what makes it different from just a plain 'ol apartment?

meals, common space, transportation, being around people from you generation

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. Another post reminded me. In independent living, you had to pay someone if you needed someone to check on you. My mom was paying about $30 a day for a check-in who dropped in to make sure meds were taken and my grandma could get up and walk. Sometimes she had arthritic troubles getting out of her chair during the last year of her life.

My mom visited about 4-5 days a week so this person was an extra daily contact.

Well yes because the definition of independent living is that you don't need any extra outside help on a daily basis. If you need someone to ensure you take your meds, you must pay for that (if the facility themselves will even provide it---many require you to go to assisted living for that).

Then what makes it different from just a plain 'ol apartment?

If you fall down and shout for help, someone will likely hear you and come to help.

That's the only difference? So you are basically just paying rent?

It's a much more controlled, and senior-accepting environment, than an apartment building. The managers are onsite and support the residents in a senior-appropriate way (vs. offside management, more focused on collecting rent and arranging repairs, not specially patient qith elderly).

There are usually some community activities so people can make friends. They also do social things like they can offer an on-site memorial service for a resident.

There may be food service.

The building may be more elderly accessible - elevators are large for scooters, ADA-compliant access, robust grab bars in bathrooms, other bathroom features that are harder to find in apartments (walk-in showers, etc.).

Just some ideas. These are definitely more convenient than a regular apartment but more expensive. If your family can support your independent life in a house or apartment (without home health support) it may be cheaper to stay in a regular residence vs. independent living.

We are in the research stage with our mom and here are some things we are considering:

1) Some places will do an assessment of the elder & decide if they can lock in a rate for later more intensive care (ie they allow you to live in independent living for a certain monthly fee akin to rent, on top of the downpayment of $1Mish of which you get 10-20% taken off the top but the rest is returned when your parent's unit is eventually resold when they either move on to assisted living or to memory care or die). So, the rent you pay for IL is the same as the AL or MC monthly fee, but your parent has to be in pretty good shape to qualify for this and not all places have this model.

2) Lots of different places have different meal plan options just like different colleges and you can run the math on the various options

3) The reason to go into IL (primary one for us) is that those people get priority access to spots (which are vastly more limited at most places) in assisted living and/or memory care. If you wait until your parent has dementia, most MC places won't take them. Then you are looking at exorbitant costs for 24-7 in home care

4) FYI lots of the good places have multi year wait lists so it is good your parents are getting their thoughts together well before they might absolutely need to move into this type of place

My mom stayed in independent living until she died at 95.

Extra costs included but we’re not necessarily necessary… I’ll put more necessary at the top.

Furniture and home goods.
Toiletries
Breakfast/lunch: dinner or lunch was included, most elderly eat 2x a day so my mom ate breakfast in her apartment and ate dinner at 5pm.
Some excursions were extra money on campus activities were not
Cable

As she got older we paid for
1x per week shower
1x per week cleaning and laundry

As she got older :
2x per month a nurse came in and put her pills in a pill box
1x per day a person would check on her at night to make sure she was ready for bed and took her meds
3x per week we paid a companion to take her out to lunch, etc simply because she was not getting out.

I drove my mom to a few drs appointments because she didn’t want to change drs closer to campus.

When she fell someone on campus came she had a button or if she was close to the phone she called security.

Your parents are giving you a gift by voluntarily downsizing and moving to a retirement facility before there is a crisis. Do NOT try and talk them out of this. Asking questions to help them plan, or debating the merits of one place vs. another is fine. But grab this opportunity with both hands!

For counterpoint, read the hundreds of threads on elderly parents who insist on staying in their (often cluttered, unsafe, isolated) homes until the 427th medical crisis forces an emergency choice among whatever is available at that time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. Another post reminded me. In independent living, you had to pay someone if you needed someone to check on you. My mom was paying about $30 a day for a check-in who dropped in to make sure meds were taken and my grandma could get up and walk. Sometimes she had arthritic troubles getting out of her chair during the last year of her life.

My mom visited about 4-5 days a week so this person was an extra daily contact.

Well yes because the definition of independent living is that you don't need any extra outside help on a daily basis. If you need someone to ensure you take your meds, you must pay for that (if the facility themselves will even provide it---many require you to go to assisted living for that).

Then what makes it different from just a plain 'ol apartment?

If you fall down and shout for help, someone will likely hear you and come to help.

That's the only difference? So you are basically just paying rent?

Anonymous wrote:How old are they? Any chance they will need more help than independent living in a few years? If so I’d consider a place that also has assisted living options.

This is my thought. It's also helpful if one parent needs more care than the other. One can move to AL or skilled/memory while the other stays in IL, but it's still very easy for them to visit and see each other a lot.

How old are they? Any chance they will need more help than independent living in a few years? If so I’d consider a place that also has assisted living options.