Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute, OP. Are you saying you no longer have kids at home, you’re not working, and your husband retired at 49? You should be traveling the world with him right now! You sound like the luckiest person alive to me. Don’t you like your husband?

The Op on this thread might be the most entitled poster to ever troll the pages of DCUM. No one feels sorry for you Op. Go volunteer and help those less fortunate.

I doubt she is a troll. My MIL is just like this.

Anonymous wrote:DH makes seven figures and I still work PT at school making peanuts. I have great friends there and I like feeling needed. I still have a high schooler at home but I will keep doing this as long as it makes sense.

IME private schools half run on these moms who don’t really need money but like to be involved. There have been some at every private my kids attended.

Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute, OP. Are you saying you no longer have kids at home, you’re not working, and your husband retired at 49? You should be traveling the world with him right now! You sound like the luckiest person alive to me. Don’t you like your husband?

The Op on this thread might be the most entitled poster to ever troll the pages of DCUM. No one feels sorry for you Op. Go volunteer and help those less fortunate.

100% normal feelings and giving it time is the best advice. Don't rush into a job or a volunteer commitment because those might not be the answer for you.

DH makes seven figures and I still work PT at school making peanuts. I have great friends there and I like feeling needed. I still have a high schooler at home but I will keep doing this as long as it makes sense.

You need something to be passionate about - volunteer. Give back in a meaningful way. Start small, at an animal shelter, or feeding people at a soup kitchen or with a youth organization one of your kids was involved in (a sports organization, theatre or dance troupe, robotics team, etc). See what sparks your interest and then do more

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you just have to grieve. You just do. Let yourself feel it fully, journal about it (you can throw out what you write if you don’t want anyone to read it), cry in the car, cry in the shower, cry at the dinner table.

You won’t cry forever. You won’t. But this is a big change, and the fact is you feel grief for what was, and there’s just no way past grief but through it.

Feel what you feel, observe yourself feeling it, and leave room for it to evolve. It will. It always does.

In the meantime be good to yourself.

This is the only answer. And maybe therapy.

I hate how most folks on Dcum and in life dismiss major life events. Kids leaving the home is a major milestone.

OP, this is an identity crisis. It’s fine and normal. You identify strongly as a mom, you still are a mom, but it’s taking new shape. You can continue with the nurturing you are used to by volunteering or you can explore parts of yourself you put on hold. Who knows, it’s up to you.

You need to work or volunteer with kids or just help your neighbors or friend or family by babysitting

Your feelings are 💯% normal and expected OP.

I still feel the same way occasionally & my youngest is 33!!

My best advice is to busy yourself w/new people ➕ new hobbies.
Finding a good distraction will ease your loneliness too.

Perhaps get a volunteer job - - doing something that you feel extremely passionate about.

Or you could also take a free or low-cost class at your local Adult Ed Center.
If you enjoy reading maybe joining a book club would be fun!

The idea here is to get yourself out of the house & be around other, newer people!

Hope this helps!!

You are grieving and it's ok. Honestly, I think time is your friend. You'll get used to your new normal, but in the meantime, there's some sadness in getting there.

Just try to keep busy some of the time, but give yourself lots of grace.

Sending hugs!

Get a dog

I get it. Some people love their jobs and have a difficult time adjusting to retirement, even though it is clear to them it is time for the next life stage. When my kids went to college, I thought it was my retirement from being a sahm. In reality it turned out to be a sort of phased retirement.

Wait a minute, OP. Are you saying you no longer have kids at home, you’re not working, and your husband retired at 49? You should be traveling the world with him right now! You sound like the luckiest person alive to me. Don’t you like your husband?

Do they want you to visit? My empty nest seemed pretty busy. Move them back to school. Parent's weekend. Some kind of campus special event. Fall break. Thanksgiving. Winter break. Etc.

I had planned on a job, but husband suggested waiting to see how much they "needed" me. Turns out it was a lot.

volunteer
Mahjong
Bridge
Knitting club
Pilaties
Gym
Fill your days