She might be happy, lazy, unbothered, sleeping too much and partying because she's using alcohol/drugs.
She may not be making the connection between her substance use and her behavior. I may be off base, but it's worth considering. Sorry if someone mentioned it upthread, I may have missed it.

And LOL about Girls Just Wanna Have Fun..check out the final lyrics...

"When the workin'
When the workin' day is done
Oh, when the workin' day is done
Oh, girls
Girls just wanna have fun (everybody, uh, uh)"

And, Cyndi Lauper was 30--and working as a musician--when she released Girls Just Wanna Have Fun in 1983.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would stop doing things for her. No laundry, no cleaning, she gets no grocery requests. See if DH picks up the slack.

I think that while it’s valid to be heavily criticizing DH (because why does he “insist” that the daughter still live in her childhood home at 28? So weird!), the problem is not with the daughter herself. She’s young and still learning about the world. In the words of Madonna, girls just wanna have fun!

lol That was Cindy Lauper

Troll

I think you need to set a plan in motion. In high school I had a friend whose parents had four kids. Junior year the kids paid 25% of their car insurance, then 50% senior year, then 100% off you go.

You need a phased expense ramp up like this with all areas of life (rent, phone, clothes) and she needs some level of income.

Sounds like 0 to 100 would be an impossible shock to the system, but I'd start with a percentage with a timeline, and some consequences (and rewards) as it progresses. Ie the phone might have a grace period but it gets turned off if she's not a full phone payment in 3 months. Perhaps 50% of her rent can be credited back to her for a security deposit with no missed payments etc.

As for a job, well I'd say ANY job will do for now, and she can level her jobs up if she doesn't like them. It sounds like she has way too much free time so given the choice of spending 40 hours working anywhere vs. 40 hours looking for a unicorn job at home, well time for the former.

Good luck! You can do this - maybe your husband will accept a soft launch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would stop doing things for her. No laundry, no cleaning, she gets no grocery requests. See if DH picks up the slack.

I think that while it’s valid to be heavily criticizing DH (because why does he “insist” that the daughter still live in her childhood home at 28? So weird!), the problem is not with the daughter herself. She’s young and still learning about the world. In the words of Madonna, girls just wanna have fun!

Madonna? No, no, no, Cyndi Lauper!

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re overreacting a bit too much, the twenties are a time to explore and live life a little.

It’s also the time to learn to live and function as an independent adult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is your DD getting money for her social life, clothes, eating/drinking outside the home? You and your DH need marital counseling STAT. Prepare for blow back from your spouse and your DD—this nonsense has gone on WAY too long.

+1

-1

Just to make sure, she’s 28?

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re overreacting a bit too much, the twenties are a time to explore and live life a little.

This

Anonymous wrote:I would stop doing things for her. No laundry, no cleaning, she gets no grocery requests. See if DH picks up the slack.

I think that while it’s valid to be heavily criticizing DH (because why does he “insist” that the daughter still live in her childhood home at 28? So weird!), the problem is not with the daughter herself. She’s young and still learning about the world. In the words of Madonna, girls just wanna have fun!

What are her goals? Does she have friends, a boyfriend?

Anonymous wrote:There’s a big difference between an adult child living at home and funding their entire life. If they’re working hard and living home to save money for a short period that’s fine. If they’re living at home doing nothing and you’re funding their lifestyle and insurance then that’s a parenting fail.

No, by 28 they should be out, period

There’s a big difference between an adult child living at home and funding their entire life. If they’re working hard and living home to save money for a short period that’s fine. If they’re living at home doing nothing and you’re funding their lifestyle and insurance then that’s a parenting fail.

Anonymous wrote:Move out yourself, let DH deal with it.

This was my thought. Tell them both they are codependent and you are taking space!

How does she have health insurance? Are you covering all her expenses? You have done her a real disservice by letting this go on so long because it will be difficult to explain to employers what she has been doing for the last 6-7 years since graduating college.