Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 21:56     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
Anonymous wrote:My daughter's U13 team has a roster of 18 and one player gets probably less than 5 minutes on the field when its a tight game. This player was here last year as well. I dont understand why the parents tolerate it or why the coaches keep her if they won't put her on the field. Its a waste of time and money not to mention soul crushing to go through that.


Not just directed at you, but everyone - I get that it may be frustrating to not get adequate playing time, but I agree with the view that most of the development comes from trainings, not the games. So when balancing whether to leave for a team in which your kid will play more, also think about the level of competition they will face 3-5 hours per week at practice rather than the competition they face ~1 hour per week at a game.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 21:36     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
My daughter's U13 team has a roster of 18 and one player gets probably less than 5 minutes on the field when its a tight game. This player was here last year as well. I dont understand why the parents tolerate it or why the coaches keep her if they won't put her on the field. Its a waste of time and money not to mention soul crushing to go through that.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 20:16     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. When she tried out and got on the team I specifically asked if she would be actually playing versus sitting on the bench. The coach said yes she’ll be playing. So I’m feeling a bit duped but it’s only been a tournament so far not regular games so maybe that’s part of it? The first reg game is an away game and going to that for her to sit most of it is whats bothering me. I’m just not sure whether to be quiet for now, or say something.


OP, I would have a two-pronged approach. To your dd, I'd emphasize that supporting your team is part of the game and that working harder/improving will likely lead to more minutes. To the coach, I'd enquire about their philosophy about game minutes, gently ask if there are things she could do to get more playing time, and ask the coach for a heads up if they don't think dd is going to play much so that you can either skip or send her with another family who can do the driving.

But once you get their philosophy -- one that you do or don't agree with -- you will know where you stand and can make decisions as to stay or go.



Not OP but interested- agree kid can learn to support team and from watching and listening, but at what point do you look to exit if not being played? Assume best to try and exit earlier if told expect 5-10 at most and seeing it dent into kids confidence.


I think that's up to the player and family and their goals. For some kids and parents, they feel it's worth it to play with more experienced players and a coach they like, even if they sit most game minutes. Other families don't prioritize one kid's sport and consider other activities more important for their family every weekend.

There's not a right or wrong here, unless there are major coaching issues beyond overall style and philosophy.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 18:39     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
Anonymous wrote:Find another team where she can get playtime. There are a lot of coaches who don’t care about development. They just want a ready player. If she does not play, it is most likely because :

- She still needs to develop ( don’t rely on any club in this area to help her develop. They just don’t develop)
- Team is too strong for her (watch practices and see if she is in the top half or bottom half)
- Team politics ( many times parents get involved and kids with loud parents who do the hocus pocus behind the scenes play even if they are not developed. Team loses and nobody cares).

If you suspect any of the above reason or if you get realistic about your DDs level. Change the team. I am against going to the director be cause that what most parents do to play politics. If your DD is not at the level of her teammates yet, don’t press the director. The director may put pressure on the coach, the coach plays your DD and she will struggle and now everyone will know what you did . Unless your DD is better than her teammates and still does not play, don’t try the director route. That is my 2 cents.


PP here, I agree with this logic. good post!
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 18:19     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
Find another team where she can get playtime. There are a lot of coaches who don’t care about development. They just want a ready player. If she does not play, it is most likely because :

- She still needs to develop ( don’t rely on any club in this area to help her develop. They just don’t develop)
- Team is too strong for her (watch practices and see if she is in the top half or bottom half)
- Team politics ( many times parents get involved and kids with loud parents who do the hocus pocus behind the scenes play even if they are not developed. Team loses and nobody cares).

If you suspect any of the above reason or if you get realistic about your DDs level. Change the team. I am against going to the director be cause that what most parents do to play politics. If your DD is not at the level of her teammates yet, don’t press the director. The director may put pressure on the coach, the coach plays your DD and she will struggle and now everyone will know what you did . Unless your DD is better than her teammates and still does not play, don’t try the director route. That is my 2 cents.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 17:53     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. When she tried out and got on the team I specifically asked if she would be actually playing versus sitting on the bench. The coach said yes she’ll be playing. So I’m feeling a bit duped but it’s only been a tournament so far not regular games so maybe that’s part of it? The first reg game is an away game and going to that for her to sit most of it is whats bothering me. I’m just not sure whether to be quiet for now, or say something.


OP, I would have a two-pronged approach. To your dd, I'd emphasize that supporting your team is part of the game and that working harder/improving will likely lead to more minutes. To the coach, I'd enquire about their philosophy about game minutes, gently ask if there are things she could do to get more playing time, and ask the coach for a heads up if they don't think dd is going to play much so that you can either skip or send her with another family who can do the driving.

But once you get their philosophy -- one that you do or don't agree with -- you will know where you stand and can make decisions as to stay or go.



Not OP but interested- agree kid can learn to support team and from watching and listening, but at what point do you look to exit if not being played? Assume best to try and exit earlier if told expect 5-10 at most and seeing it dent into kids confidence.


Anecdotally, if there is a way out, I'd take it ASAP. We stuck out a bad year, and my kid's confidence was crushed and never recovered. They got passed up by kids on a lower team who actually played.


Thanks for this comment, we are going through this now. If opening tournament playtime is an indicator of how the year will go, then we should look for another club now. My kid is already confused why they are being put in with just a few minutes left or being taken out so soon at age 10. Coach is more concerned with winning than developing. My kid is not as good as some of the kids, but she will never be developed if they aren't even in the fight; thus she is doomed to decline in ability compared to her teammates. I think we need to switch teams and clubs. We are doing extra training, but I don't think the Coach is noticing the extra effort. Also, my kid's confidence is starting to sink.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 17:15     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
Anonymous wrote:Find a different team where she can play more.


I cannot emphasize this enough. We switched teams this year, coach had entirely different philosophy (kids are still developing, parents pay same amount so all kids get significant playing time).

My kids experience/attitude/enjoyment were night and day from same tournament last year. The reality is that kids need game time experience to improve, they also need to make mistakes and learn from them. These are basic fundamentals of coaching and developing players. If you aren’t seeing this and/or you see it impacting your kids self esteem and enjoyment of the game get out sooner rather than later. Trust me on this, your kids well-being is not worth whatever you paid.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 16:11     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. When she tried out and got on the team I specifically asked if she would be actually playing versus sitting on the bench. The coach said yes she’ll be playing. So I’m feeling a bit duped but it’s only been a tournament so far not regular games so maybe that’s part of it? The first reg game is an away game and going to that for her to sit most of it is whats bothering me. I’m just not sure whether to be quiet for now, or say something.


OP, I would have a two-pronged approach. To your dd, I'd emphasize that supporting your team is part of the game and that working harder/improving will likely lead to more minutes. To the coach, I'd enquire about their philosophy about game minutes, gently ask if there are things she could do to get more playing time, and ask the coach for a heads up if they don't think dd is going to play much so that you can either skip or send her with another family who can do the driving.

But once you get their philosophy -- one that you do or don't agree with -- you will know where you stand and can make decisions as to stay or go.



Not OP but interested- agree kid can learn to support team and from watching and listening, but at what point do you look to exit if not being played? Assume best to try and exit earlier if told expect 5-10 at most and seeing it dent into kids confidence.


Anecdotally, if there is a way out, I'd take it ASAP. We stuck out a bad year, and my kid's confidence was crushed and never recovered. They got passed up by kids on a lower team who actually played.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 16:06     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
OP, we had a similar issue at U11 for an away tournament. The Coach just neglected 3 kids by only giving them about 7 min per game. We left the club, but we did have an exit interview with the Club president and wished I brought that up to him sooner as he said the coaches should be playing everyone at least half the game.

But to be real, some Coaches bend the rules to keep their favorite players in. The Coach we have now said playing time is in part determined by attendance at practice... well, we had two star players who missed a lot of practices recently due to over training outside of team practices... and guess who started and rarely came off the field all weekend? The Star players who were too burnt out and injured to come to our own team practices!

It's hard for a 12 year old kid to bring this up to the Coach.

-I'd reach out to the Club president and ask for clarification and let him/ her know what happened.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 12:47     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
Many players were top players at younger ages on weaker teams and leagues

They move up in team and league and fall far on depth chart.
Reevaluate and do what works for your DC
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 12:18     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Note - At U15 and up it is when the best players get the most playing time. Developmental stage is still active but winning is more important now.


But if coach not going to play kid more than 10 minutes, why accept them on team?


Seriously. ECNL and MLSN have significant travel requirements. If the player isn't getting significant playing time, I would look to move down a level that has less travel. It's crazy to do overnight travel or fly somewhere to play for less than half a game.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 12:06     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. When she tried out and got on the team I specifically asked if she would be actually playing versus sitting on the bench. The coach said yes she’ll be playing. So I’m feeling a bit duped but it’s only been a tournament so far not regular games so maybe that’s part of it? The first reg game is an away game and going to that for her to sit most of it is whats bothering me. I’m just not sure whether to be quiet for now, or say something.


OP, I would have a two-pronged approach. To your dd, I'd emphasize that supporting your team is part of the game and that working harder/improving will likely lead to more minutes. To the coach, I'd enquire about their philosophy about game minutes, gently ask if there are things she could do to get more playing time, and ask the coach for a heads up if they don't think dd is going to play much so that you can either skip or send her with another family who can do the driving.

But once you get their philosophy -- one that you do or don't agree with -- you will know where you stand and can make decisions as to stay or go.



+1
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 12:02     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
Anonymous wrote:New to travel DD is 2012 team.
Tournament this past weekend and she had limited playing time. Sunday was 7 mins total.
I don’t want to be that parent approaching the coach but I also don’t need to waste a weekend day driving DD anywhere from 1-2 hours each way for an away game for her to sit on the bench for the majority. If there are 14+ kids going is it ok to not go? Talk to the coach? Or do we suck it up and go?


U14 is a good time for kids to start learning to advocate for themselves. Maybe initially have your daughter talk to the coach - and focus the conversation on what she needs to do individually to get better and earn more playing time. If that conversation between player and coach isn’t helpful, you, as the parent, can then step in. But we do our kids no favors contacting coach on their behalf at this age.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 11:45     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
how many subs were at the game? just curious
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 11:44     Subject: Away games and sitting on the bench
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. When she tried out and got on the team I specifically asked if she would be actually playing versus sitting on the bench. The coach said yes she’ll be playing. So I’m feeling a bit duped but it’s only been a tournament so far not regular games so maybe that’s part of it? The first reg game is an away game and going to that for her to sit most of it is whats bothering me. I’m just not sure whether to be quiet for now, or say something.


OP, I would have a two-pronged approach. To your dd, I'd emphasize that supporting your team is part of the game and that working harder/improving will likely lead to more minutes. To the coach, I'd enquire about their philosophy about game minutes, gently ask if there are things she could do to get more playing time, and ask the coach for a heads up if they don't think dd is going to play much so that you can either skip or send her with another family who can do the driving.

But once you get their philosophy -- one that you do or don't agree with -- you will know where you stand and can make decisions as to stay or go.



Not OP but interested- agree kid can learn to support team and from watching and listening, but at what point do you look to exit if not being played? Assume best to try and exit earlier if told expect 5-10 at most and seeing it dent into kids confidence.