Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. Don’t visit. Go low contact.

This is not acceptable. We owe it to our parents to help them in their old age.

OP, is this new behavior? Any medical issues/ drugs that could be causing this?

I would not force my spouse to be a part of the visits. I would go myself out of obligation and take one kid at a time; maybe they are overwhelmed by the visits. As soon as the negative talk starts, I would change the subject and refuse to engage. If you spend the entire visit talking about the color the neighbors chose to paint their house, so be it.

I think this is mostly right. I don't think your parents are badly behaved enough to cut off. It's not like estrangement solves the problem anyway- it's just a different kind of hard (although in some situations it's the less hard option).

Are they local or within driving distance? I would go with 1 or both kids, stay for a few hours, and redirect the conversation per the advice above so they can't dwell on the negative too much. Maybe you can bring lunch over- that will kill some time.

If you have to travel to see them, stay in a hotel.

Estrangement absolutely solves the problem. How would it not? They can't continue to harm your life and your childrens' lives if they're not in it.

It is crazy to me that some of you are suggesting the OP should expose their kids to people like that. Even if you think a child has an obligation to their parents, the grandkids obviously have no obligation to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. Don’t visit. Go low contact.

This is not acceptable. We owe it to our parents to help them in their old age.

OP, is this new behavior? Any medical issues/ drugs that could be causing this?

I would not force my spouse to be a part of the visits. I would go myself out of obligation and take one kid at a time; maybe they are overwhelmed by the visits. As soon as the negative talk starts, I would change the subject and refuse to engage. If you spend the entire visit talking about the color the neighbors chose to paint their house, so be it.

I think this is mostly right. I don't think your parents are badly behaved enough to cut off. It's not like estrangement solves the problem anyway- it's just a different kind of hard (although in some situations it's the less hard option).

Are they local or within driving distance? I would go with 1 or both kids, stay for a few hours, and redirect the conversation per the advice above so they can't dwell on the negative too much. Maybe you can bring lunch over- that will kill some time.

If you have to travel to see them, stay in a hotel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. Don’t visit. Go low contact.

This is not acceptable. We owe it to our parents to help them in their old age.

OP, is this new behavior? Any medical issues/ drugs that could be causing this?

I would not force my spouse to be a part of the visits. I would go myself out of obligation and take one kid at a time; maybe they are overwhelmed by the visits. As soon as the negative talk starts, I would change the subject and refuse to engage. If you spend the entire visit talking about the color the neighbors chose to paint their house, so be it.

You don't owe your parents anything. Especially when they're awful human beings.

And the grandkids certainly have no obligation. I don't know why anyone would want to expose them to such toxicity.

Yes, you do. Even awful human being parents.

Learn to be a better person before your kids cut you off. They don't owe you anything.

Your kids owe you some level of stability/ accommodation in your old age.

They don't. You better work on your own behavior before you find yourself eating cat food out of your car. Trumpers get cut off.

Wow. What a sad person you must be, PP.

You will find out one day how wrong you are.

Quite the opposite. We're seeing the effects of tolerating awful behavior. These people should be cut off in every way possible. They had their chance, and they ruined it for everyone.

for more than a few hours

Well, no one is at their best after a few hours. You should not be visiting for more than 90 minutes at a time. A few hours only if you get along real well. You shouldn't be staying with them. You stay at a hotel. Same when they visit you. You manage the time together. You excuse yourself if they are rude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. Don’t visit. Go low contact.

This is not acceptable. We owe it to our parents to help them in their old age.

OP, is this new behavior? Any medical issues/ drugs that could be causing this?

I would not force my spouse to be a part of the visits. I would go myself out of obligation and take one kid at a time; maybe they are overwhelmed by the visits. As soon as the negative talk starts, I would change the subject and refuse to engage. If you spend the entire visit talking about the color the neighbors chose to paint their house, so be it.

You don't owe your parents anything. Especially when they're awful human beings.

And the grandkids certainly have no obligation. I don't know why anyone would want to expose them to such toxicity.

Yes, you do. Even awful human being parents.

Learn to be a better person before your kids cut you off. They don't owe you anything.

Your kids owe you some level of stability/ accommodation in your old age.

They don't. You better work on your own behavior before you find yourself eating cat food out of your car. Trumpers get cut off.

Wow. What a sad person you must be, PP.

You will find out one day how wrong you are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. Don’t visit. Go low contact.

This is not acceptable. We owe it to our parents to help them in their old age.

OP, is this new behavior? Any medical issues/ drugs that could be causing this?

I would not force my spouse to be a part of the visits. I would go myself out of obligation and take one kid at a time; maybe they are overwhelmed by the visits. As soon as the negative talk starts, I would change the subject and refuse to engage. If you spend the entire visit talking about the color the neighbors chose to paint their house, so be it.

You don't owe your parents anything. Especially when they're awful human beings.

And the grandkids certainly have no obligation. I don't know why anyone would want to expose them to such toxicity.

Yes, you do. Even awful human being parents.

Learn to be a better person before your kids cut you off. They don't owe you anything.

Your kids owe you some level of stability/ accommodation in your old age.

They don't. You better work on your own behavior before you find yourself eating cat food out of your car. Trumpers get cut off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. Don’t visit. Go low contact.

This is not acceptable. We owe it to our parents to help them in their old age.

OP, is this new behavior? Any medical issues/ drugs that could be causing this?

I would not force my spouse to be a part of the visits. I would go myself out of obligation and take one kid at a time; maybe they are overwhelmed by the visits. As soon as the negative talk starts, I would change the subject and refuse to engage. If you spend the entire visit talking about the color the neighbors chose to paint their house, so be it.

You don't owe your parents anything. Especially when they're awful human beings.

And the grandkids certainly have no obligation. I don't know why anyone would want to expose them to such toxicity.

Yes, you do. Even awful human being parents.

Learn to be a better person before your kids cut you off. They don't owe you anything.

Your kids owe you some level of stability/ accommodation in your old age.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. Don’t visit. Go low contact.

This is not acceptable. We owe it to our parents to help them in their old age.

OP, is this new behavior? Any medical issues/ drugs that could be causing this?

I would not force my spouse to be a part of the visits. I would go myself out of obligation and take one kid at a time; maybe they are overwhelmed by the visits. As soon as the negative talk starts, I would change the subject and refuse to engage. If you spend the entire visit talking about the color the neighbors chose to paint their house, so be it.

You don't owe your parents anything. Especially when they're awful human beings.

And the grandkids certainly have no obligation. I don't know why anyone would want to expose them to such toxicity.

Yes, you do. Even awful human being parents.

nope.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. Don’t visit. Go low contact.

This is not acceptable. We owe it to our parents to help them in their old age.

OP, is this new behavior? Any medical issues/ drugs that could be causing this?

I would not force my spouse to be a part of the visits. I would go myself out of obligation and take one kid at a time; maybe they are overwhelmed by the visits. As soon as the negative talk starts, I would change the subject and refuse to engage. If you spend the entire visit talking about the color the neighbors chose to paint their house, so be it.

You don't owe your parents anything. Especially when they're awful human beings.

And the grandkids certainly have no obligation. I don't know why anyone would want to expose them to such toxicity.

Yes, you do. Even awful human being parents.

Learn to be a better person before your kids cut you off. They don't owe you anything.

Your kids owe you some level of stability/ accommodation in your old age.

It's one thing for you to visit- I can understand why someone might feel an obligation to their parents.

But you certainly shouldn't expose your kids to them. Do you want your kids to end up like them?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember that you were a jerk when you were a toddler/teen and they loved you anyway.

This.

Op, please recognize that they are likely raking their fear and anxiety and anger at facing the end of their life out in you.

You can stand up fir yourself, but try to approach with empathy.

And now they're going to have to live with the consequences of their bad choices for the little time they have left.

Being scared isn't a good reason to be a jerk. Come on, now. That's how we ended up with Trump. Let them die so the rest of us can have a better life.

Be a parent your kid comes first.


MAGA cult of stupids not acceptable to be around any kids.

Not only are they brain cell dead they are subhuman traitors who support a pedo & felon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. Don’t visit. Go low contact.

This is not acceptable. We owe it to our parents to help them in their old age.

OP, is this new behavior? Any medical issues/ drugs that could be causing this?

I would not force my spouse to be a part of the visits. I would go myself out of obligation and take one kid at a time; maybe they are overwhelmed by the visits. As soon as the negative talk starts, I would change the subject and refuse to engage. If you spend the entire visit talking about the color the neighbors chose to paint their house, so be it.

You don't owe your parents anything. Especially when they're awful human beings.

And the grandkids certainly have no obligation. I don't know why anyone would want to expose them to such toxicity.

Yes, you do. Even awful human being parents.

Learn to be a better person before your kids cut you off. They don't owe you anything.

You certainly don’t owe them anything. This is not a contractual relationship. You deserve respect, and if they aren’t going to give it, then they made the choice to alienate you. Please don’t expose your kids to that. They can moan about seeing the grandkids, but just remind them why you had to distance yourself - put the ball in their court and see if they are willing to be decent.

Don't host them. If you do spend time with them, do it on your terms - meet for lunch, visit their home, etc. They key is that you need to be able to LEAVE when they cross a line.

And it's fine to visit them without your spouse. Depending on the age of your kids, consider if it's appropriate for your kids to be around them or not (or if your kids want to). Set up a 'safe word' or other system with your kids so that they can let you know if they need/want to leave.

You don't need to see them very often - my parents are in their mid 70s and difficult to be around and we see them about 3 times a year for no more than 1.5 days at a time (they live a 7-hour drive/one hour flight away).