OP here. Reading all the comments with interest. Apart from mismatched aging, I don't have concerns. We have a strong, open, supportive emotional connection, we find each other interesting to talk to, we laugh together, we have common interests, our kids are similar ages, we both want long-term companionship, etc. I don't want these thoughts about aging to corrupt an otherwise beautiful relationship, but on the other hand, I don't want to stay in this now and increase our commitment if it's foreseeably doomed. If we broke up, I'm sure I could "do" younger, but there's a lot of risk there --- no guarantee I would find all the other pieces with someone else and no guarantee that younger woman would age well at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 42 year old man, dating a woman who's 49. It's getting serious. I'm really into her. She takes care of herself, is in good shape, looks great, and has a high libido. (I think all the same applies to me). But I keep thinking about what will happen in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years. Will she suddenly age quickly, lose her libido, etc., while I'm still fit and active for an extended period? I know eventually I'll be old and have a lower libido, too, and then we'll probably be back in sync, but there will presumably be a lag -- potentially for many years. Have people been through this? How'd it work out?

You can do better. Find a 35 year old woman.

As a woman I left a man whose parents were always nagging him about me being 1 year older. It was the same - you can do better.

OP - if you value her, it’s your responsibility to create a safe space in your relationship from some comments and such thoughts in your head, and make her feel safe. Because that’s the main challenge for you, these thoughts swirling in your head.

The reason why PP male said this is because you can be happy, you can get it up with an older woman, you are able to connect to her. And he’s not able to get it up even with younger women.

I have two good friends who have a similar age difference. Both are about 5 years older than their husbands. So far at 45/50 it's not a big deal at all. I think at the rate men and women age (and die) it's actually the optimal pairing!!!

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 42 year old man, dating a woman who's 49. It's getting serious. I'm really into her. She takes care of herself, is in good shape, looks great, and has a high libido. (I think all the same applies to me). But I keep thinking about what will happen in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years. Will she suddenly age quickly, lose her libido, etc., while I'm still fit and active for an extended period? I know eventually I'll be old and have a lower libido, too, and then we'll probably be back in sync, but there will presumably be a lag -- potentially for many years. Have people been through this? How'd it work out?

You can do better. Find a 35 year old woman.

Anonymous wrote:She is 49, not 25. It’s true that a hot 25-year-old who does not take care of herself can become a frumpy 45-year-old.

If she were going to decline, she would already have started to do it by 49. If she’s in great shape and takes excellent care of herself at 49, that is going to continue. Does she work out, including lifting weights, eat healthy, and limit drinking? If so, in 10 years, she’s going to be the one running circles around you.

HRT combined with lifestyle goes a really long way in preventing the things that a previous poster talked about. There is a huge gap between those of us who age well and those of who don’t, especially for menopausal women.

Yes, and the looks gap can be staggering, and would only increase with age. You can easily see ion the apps how different can different women look in their 50s. Some look like grandmothers and others have a jaw line of 30 year olds, perky boobs, great skim and thin waist.

My mother was working out since her 30s. She never had the dried out skin and loose cellulite, or any of the issues that the PP described. She’s at 21 BMI at 74 and looks 15-20 years younger than her age peers. At 55 she looked as a 45 yo. But in mid 70s she looks like mid 50s. Her uterus was removed in late 40s because of endometriosis she took HRT and continued dating. .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, couldn't you just enjoy it while it's good and move once it's not? Whats the point of a committed, future-looking relationship if you're not going to have a family together?

Seriously, you don’t see a point in a relationship without kids? Not all men want kids and maybe OP already has kids

I see a point, but relationships like this don't have to last forever. Enjoy it while it is enjoyable.

There is no point for a relationship with kids to last forever either. Most don’t

She is 49, not 25. It’s true that a hot 25-year-old who does not take care of herself can become a frumpy 45-year-old.

If she were going to decline, she would already have started to do it by 49. If she’s in great shape and takes excellent care of herself at 49, that is going to continue. Does she work out, including lifting weights, eat healthy, and limit drinking? If so, in 10 years, she’s going to be the one running circles around you.

HRT combined with lifestyle goes a really long way in preventing the things that a previous poster talked about. There is a huge gap between those of us who age well and those of who don’t, especially for menopausal women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, couldn't you just enjoy it while it's good and move once it's not? Whats the point of a committed, future-looking relationship if you're not going to have a family together?

Seriously, you don’t see a point in a relationship without kids? Not all men want kids and maybe OP already has kids

I see a point, but relationships like this don't have to last forever. Enjoy it while it is enjoyable.

Anonymous wrote:OP, couldn't you just enjoy it while it's good and move once it's not? Whats the point of a committed, future-looking relationship if you're not going to have a family together?

Seriously, you don’t see a point in a relationship without kids? Not all men want kids and maybe OP already has kids

Don’t worry you’ll die first.

OP, couldn't you just enjoy it while it's good and move once it's not? Whats the point of a committed, future-looking relationship if you're not going to have a family together?

It can be great, but make no mistake about it, the physical difference between 48 and 54 is very significant for most women. Their faces usually become much drier and much more wrinkled, and they don't look as hot. They usually get much thicker in the middle (even more by age 60). Many women in their 50s lose a significant amount vaginal lubrication, so they either need more time to get turned on or they need to add lubricant from a bottle. None of those things is a big deal if you love someone. Seriously, women in their 50s and 60s can still be super hot, horny, and sexually satisfied and satisfying.

Some also lose their sex drives completely. That's a big deal. HRT may help a bit.

BTW, I'm a man in his 50s and I've mostly dated women in their 40s and 50s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband dumped me when I turned 50 – for someone 35. I was 5 years older. Worked out well for him.

Hi. This is a you problem not an age problem- and I’d rather gnaw off my fingers than date a 35 year old. He didn’t win/ he just chose to suffer longer! Trust me when I say that this not only didn’t work out for him- but he will be suffering deeply when she saddles him with a child or her financial support or both. Most likely , they’ll just break up: if 50% of marriages fail why y’all so jelly of some new dating relationship? Limerence is easy.

You? You’re free! Ef him!

Same. That's why my GF is 25.

I'm 4.5 years older than my husband. We met when I was 33 and he was 29. We've been married for 18 years and have three kids. I look younger than I am so the age difference isn't apparent to people who don't know us. Sometimes I feel self-conscious about the fact that I am older than him, but it has never been an issue other than that.

Anonymous wrote:My husband dumped me when I turned 50 – for someone 35. I was 5 years older. Worked out well for him.

Hi. This is a you problem not an age problem- and I’d rather gnaw off my fingers than date a 35 year old. He didn’t win/ he just chose to suffer longer! Trust me when I say that this not only didn’t work out for him- but he will be suffering deeply when she saddles him with a child or her financial support or both. Most likely , they’ll just break up: if 50% of marriages fail why y’all so jelly of some new dating relationship? Limerence is easy.

You? You’re free! Ef him!