Everyone here would run to HR if a coworker said this to them but calls a child the p word for getting upset.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids were working in a group project of 2. Other kid called my kid f ing stupid. My kid is super sensitive and just cried to me after school.

If we mention it to the teacher I am afraid the kid will be even worse to my son the rest of year and 6 more years through high school.

If I don’t mention it, I worry about my kid and be bullied even more through the year and won’t tell me since I won’t help him now.

I told him to try and make things nice on Tuesday. To give it one more try and let things cool off.

Anyone been there? Any advice please?

What do you mean by “try and make things nice”?

Have you considered therapy for your child OP? It’s not normal for a 7th grader to come home and cry about something so trivial as name calling.

I disagree. Her child is sensitive, and it obviously hit a nerve to be called “stupid.” It was a pretty unkind comment. I’m not saying her son doesn’t need to develop resilience, but let’s not pathologize his reaction; it’s within the range of normal. He didn’t cry at school, and he obviously trusts his parents enough to open up to them.

I respectfully disagree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids were working in a group project of 2. Other kid called my kid f ing stupid. My kid is super sensitive and just cried to me after school.

If we mention it to the teacher I am afraid the kid will be even worse to my son the rest of year and 6 more years through high school.

If I don’t mention it, I worry about my kid and be bullied even more through the year and won’t tell me since I won’t help him now.

I told him to try and make things nice on Tuesday. To give it one more try and let things cool off.

Anyone been there? Any advice please?

What do you mean by “try and make things nice”?

Have you considered therapy for your child OP? It’s not normal for a 7th grader to come home and cry about something so trivial as name calling.

I disagree. Her child is sensitive, and it obviously hit a nerve to be called “stupid.” It was a pretty unkind comment. I’m not saying her son doesn’t need to develop resilience, but let’s not pathologize his reaction; it’s within the range of normal. He didn’t cry at school, and he obviously trusts his parents enough to open up to them.

Anonymous wrote:Kids were working in a group project of 2. Other kid called my kid f ing stupid. My kid is super sensitive and just cried to me after school.

If we mention it to the teacher I am afraid the kid will be even worse to my son the rest of year and 6 more years through high school.

If I don’t mention it, I worry about my kid and be bullied even more through the year and won’t tell me since I won’t help him now.

I told him to try and make things nice on Tuesday. To give it one more try and let things cool off.

Anyone been there? Any advice please?

OP, you are trying to solve the wrong problem. You are looking outside instead of inside. You should not be debating whether telling or not telling the teacher will result in the other kid retaliating vs your kid losing faith in you as an advocate. That might work for this one instance, but what happens when the next partner calls him f’ing slow?

You should be teaching your child tools and advice on how to respond to insults. Look at your child and realize that he has a lifetime of mean comments and undeserved slights coming his way. We all do. Are you going to try to swat each one away? Or teach him how to be resilient and learn to do it himself?

Anonymous wrote:Nothing to be done about swearing. The issue is calling your kid stupid.

I agree. Swearing has become part of our vocabulary like it or not.

But being called stupid is cruel. Ask your son how it happened. Did he make a mistake? Give a suggestion that the bully didn’t like? Get the details and practice what his response should be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What prompted the comment from the kid? What kind of dialogue was going on?

+1 There’s a big difference between “.you’re f’ng stupid” and “yo, you f’ng stupid bro” is your kid particularly sheltered? Do they have learning challenges? That changes things.

The second kind of banter happens ALL the time, and is 100% not to be taken seriously. The response is often along the lines of ‘Eff off, you idiot’. This sort of stuff happens between friends and kinds that get along. No one gets hurt because it’s genuinely not meant to be taken seriously.

1. OP you need much more context.

2. A single name-calling incident is not bullying.

3. Some middle schoolers cuss.

4. Some name-calling is targeted and cruel. But some is just in jest. Some is blowing off steam. Some is a bad attempt at communicating a legitimate complaint.

5. Your DS needs to learn to interpret a situation. You need to help him do this. Without more details, we can't advise you.

6. Until you do #5, don't worry about the teacher.

Stop coddling your child.

It's hard to answer this without more context. Some kids just get rough with their language and might not have meant the words the way your kid heard them or anticipated your child's reaction. If that's the context, it's not bullying, it's a failure to communicate. On the other hand, the other kid may have really meant it the way your kid heard it, which is at least more concerning and is bullying if it continues. If you feel confident that it was bullying, telling the teacher is an appropriate next step but that accusation is going to trigger certain processes that are meant to protect both your kid (from bullying) and the other kid (from unfair accusations). I would want to be sure before talking to the school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is middle school language. (Gross)
And there are personal insults mixed with strong language.
This was the second.

This is unfair to your kid and truly, truly overreacting from this other kid. If your kid knows he is not “f ing” stupid then, he can ignore.

Ditto telling the teacher by email that this child should not be paired with yours again (as pp said, unmentioned interpersonal conflict).

But what about if her kid is?

OP's CHILD needs to ask the teacher not to be paired with this kid again. Mommy should not be involved in 7th.

+1 I have a feeling Mom is over involved and now her child is paralyzed with fear and can’t do anything for himself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is middle school language. (Gross)
And there are personal insults mixed with strong language.
This was the second.

This is unfair to your kid and truly, truly overreacting from this other kid. If your kid knows he is not “f ing” stupid then, he can ignore.

Ditto telling the teacher by email that this child should not be paired with yours again (as pp said, unmentioned interpersonal conflict).

But what about if her kid is?

OP's CHILD needs to ask the teacher not to be paired with this kid again. Mommy should not be involved in 7th.

Welcome to middle school! Kids swear at each other, your child just needs to toughen up. No tattling for something as trivial as being sworn at.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid does need to grow a thicker skin. Most would just answer with a retort and move on.

+1. I hate to say it OP, but this. A seventh grade boy should not be crying to you about this.

This is not a problem for mommy to solve.

Also, don’t tell him to make nice. He needs to ignore the kid or tell him to F off. Crawling back to be nice won’t work with a bully.

PP again and I agree. This is an opportunity for your DS to learn the difference between joking around and someone being a bully. In either case, a make nice response is not appropriate. He needs to learn to stick up for himself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid does need to grow a thicker skin. Most would just answer with a retort and move on.

+1. I hate to say it OP, but this. A seventh grade boy should not be crying to you about this.

This is not a problem for mommy to solve.

Also, don’t tell him to make nice. He needs to ignore the kid or tell him to F off. Crawling back to be nice won’t work with a bully.

Anonymous wrote:Kids were working in a group project of 2. Other kid called my kid f ing stupid. My kid is super sensitive and just cried to me after school.

If we mention it to the teacher I am afraid the kid will be even worse to my son the rest of year and 6 more years through high school.

If I don’t mention it, I worry about my kid and be bullied even more through the year and won’t tell me since I won’t help him now.

I told him to try and make things nice on Tuesday. To give it one more try and let things cool off.

Anyone been there? Any advice please?

What do you mean by “try and make things nice”?

Have you considered therapy for your child OP? It’s not normal for a 7th grader to come home and cry about something so trivial as name calling.