Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 19:29     Subject: AITA? Mortgage still in my name
How about this: offer to let him keep your name on the mortgage if he gives you 50% equity in the property.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 18:53     Subject: AITA? Mortgage still in my name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This happened to me. Except I was the ex who kept the house and his name on the mortgage. It ended boosting his credit score immensely. And i just had to offer proof that I solely paid the mortgage. And our divorce decree.



OP here. Thanks for this perspective. Was it a tumultuous divorce?
My ex is not crazy or violent or anything like that, but the texts and emails that I get are incredibly frustrating. I feel awful that he is still mourning this, but I did everything I could. Couples therapy, I was incredibly supportive and patient, got him through all of the terrible situations he put himself into.
I told him for two years that I was going to leave if he didn’t stop. I know many others would stick around and continue to be someone’s rock, but I couldn’t.


pp in your case i would cut him off. Maybe get a restraining order since you're at the courthouse
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 18:50     Subject: AITA? Mortgage still in my name
Anonymous wrote:This happened to me. Except I was the ex who kept the house and his name on the mortgage. It ended boosting his credit score immensely. And i just had to offer proof that I solely paid the mortgage. And our divorce decree.



OP here. Thanks for this perspective. Was it a tumultuous divorce?
My ex is not crazy or violent or anything like that, but the texts and emails that I get are incredibly frustrating. I feel awful that he is still mourning this, but I did everything I could. Couples therapy, I was incredibly supportive and patient, got him through all of the terrible situations he put himself into.
I told him for two years that I was going to leave if he didn’t stop. I know many others would stick around and continue to be someone’s rock, but I couldn’t.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 18:47     Subject: AITA? Mortgage still in my name
This happened to me. Except I was the ex who kept the house and his name on the mortgage. It ended boosting his credit score immensely. And i just had to offer proof that I solely paid the mortgage. And our divorce decree.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 18:24     Subject: AITA? Mortgage still in my name
OP here.
I don’t really care that he took up most of my 30’s. I take ownership of this. I married someone with that small voice in the back of my mind saying I probably shouldn’t. I have to live with that and want to just move forward.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 18:23     Subject: AITA? Mortgage still in my name
OP here.
Agree that I should’ve asked for some equity but at the time I didn’t feel right doing so.
Not to mention, he would’ve turned this into an absolute circus. He was/ is not in the right state of mind and threatened hell in court, dragging it out, etc. And that was before he even knew I wasn’t asking for anything.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 18:21     Subject: Re:AITA? Mortgage still in my name
Anonymous wrote:Do you mean that you want him to refinance the loan for the sole purpose of removing you from the mortgage? He doesn't need to pay you any of that equity? If the answer is yes, that's a ridiculous thing for him to have agreed to do. That will cost him a LOT of money each month when his interest rate goes up.



OP here. Yes, that’s exactly it. I just want my name off of it.
Granted, who knows where I’ll be in a year. I have money saved and may very well want to purchase a small home if interest rates ever go down. And I won’t be able to with that mortgage still in my name.
But yes, as of now, this is purely because I don’t want my name on it anymore.
And yes, that’s why I feel like the AH.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 18:14     Subject: AITA? Mortgage still in my name
OP, if you had a divorce lawyer, they did you a dis service.

You should have negotiated a better deal for yourself - asked for what you were statutorily obligated to receive. This guy took up at least five and probably more years of your thirties. Yes, you deserve some equity for that! You might have met someone else.

This is absurd.

Have your lawyer send him a letter saying he has X number of days to refinance.

Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 17:58     Subject: AITA? Mortgage still in my name
Anonymous wrote:OP here.
It’s a $1.2 mill condo. There’s around $700k left on the mortgage (I am probably off, but around there).
No kids / no child support / no alimony. Everything with the divorce is done, there’s no pending dates or $ issues etc etc. This is it.

Yes, I’m being a doormat. Yes, he’s treating me how I am letting him treat me. Honestly I think I just needed some validation. Appreciate the candor / tough love here!


You are being such an idiot.

There is zero reason for you to hold onto a debt to help your wealthy ex. That’s insane. It’s so stupid it sounds like you get off on the humiliation. But if this is your kink, know that you’re choosing a very expensive way to get off.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 17:55     Subject: AITA? Mortgage still in my name
Please remove this thought from your brain:
"this is a really crappy position to put him in"

YOU did not put him in this position. Now, tell him he's in contempt and get your lawyer involved again.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 17:52     Subject: Re:AITA? Mortgage still in my name
Do you mean that you want him to refinance the loan for the sole purpose of removing you from the mortgage? He doesn't need to pay you any of that equity? If the answer is yes, that's a ridiculous thing for him to have agreed to do. That will cost him a LOT of money each month when his interest rate goes up.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 17:48     Subject: Re:AITA? Mortgage still in my name
"It’s a $1.2 mill condo. There’s around $700k left on the mortgage (I am probably off, but around there)."

I don't see why holding so much equity (at least on paper) would do anything but make you look good in the eyes of a lender. It would be one thing if you were upside down, or had a high interest rate, but that's not the case here. And presumably, he's also on that mortgage so you only are on the hook for half the relatively low monthly payment.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 16:08     Subject: Re:AITA? Mortgage still in my name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:NTA. But, unless you want this to drag on forever, you should probably move on it. I watched a few cases (attorney, not my field of practice, but do a lot of motions practice). All a judge can really do is keep on telling him to sell it. Judges can and sometimes do give time and more time and more time. I saw one case go on for two years and no resolution except for the judge to keep reminding the co-owner they were in contempt and giving a new deadline.


Can't they force a sale? And award attorney's fees?


Well, the Judge kept ordering him to sell, but he refused to sign the papers. That poor wife had a financial mess because he also wasn't paying the mortgage.


After years of contempt I would think the court would appoint a receiver to handle a forced sale if the contemptuous party refuses. The OP could also get a judgment lien for legal fees and get paid in the forced sale. Plus damages for not paying the mortgage. I don't know the law on this, but it's hard to believe there is no legal remedy.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 15:01     Subject: AITA? Mortgage still in my name

NTAH
Get a lawyer. You've allowed this to go on for almost two years.. He's playing in your face Ma'am.
Anonymous
Post 08/26/2025 13:36     Subject: Re:AITA? Mortgage still in my name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:NTA. But, unless you want this to drag on forever, you should probably move on it. I watched a few cases (attorney, not my field of practice, but do a lot of motions practice). All a judge can really do is keep on telling him to sell it. Judges can and sometimes do give time and more time and more time. I saw one case go on for two years and no resolution except for the judge to keep reminding the co-owner they were in contempt and giving a new deadline.


Can't they force a sale? And award attorney's fees?


Well, the Judge kept ordering him to sell, but he refused to sign the papers. That poor wife had a financial mess because he also wasn't paying the mortgage.