Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anybody else feel bad for the parents who feel the need to volunteer for everything their kid does-helps on the field for every football game, chaperones every field trip, flies to every school trip?
And they act like they know all the kids and the “kids just love” them.

It’s almost like they are reliving their youth

No, you sound jealous. Sorry you don't have the emotional energy, free time, or bandwidth to give back to your community.

I'm sorry, but most people who volunteer don't have a ton of bandwidth or free time. We just prioritize it.

This. I remember when I took off work during the day to volunteer for the PTA at our Title 1 school and I chatted with the PTA President and Treasurer. I asked, "How do you all find the time for this?"

They said something along the lines of, "We all work full time jobs and don't have the time, but we have to find the time to do this too" I realized we were all sacrificing, all of us were taking leave from work to do this. You just have to prioritize it for the kids's sakes. And if you really think you can't find the time to do so, my mentor has mentioned that hiring someone to volunteer for you works too (seriously).

I'm so disappointed there's people like OP that use their time to criticize helpers on DCUM.

I agree there is a happy medium. I feel bad for the kids whose parent is always at their activity with no room to breathe.

I would do a few in person volunteering, made sure i was not at every field trip, did some volunteering in the background (treasurer), and coached a sport a few years but not all of them.

If your parent is your coach every.single.year for every.single.sport - red flag.
If you parent lives at the school.... red flag.

I am so thankful to one grandma who my dd in middle school mentions. Not many people go and the school doesn't encourage much volunteering outside event days. This lady always has a kind word for dd and she comes home to tell me about the compliment that literally makes her day. She never mentions anything else about school so I know it means a lot to her. I hope she comes around this year too but people, like me, just stop after elementary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these parents are actually genuine and are clearly right for that kind of role, are nurturing and encouraging to all kids. I find others to be overbearing and who just volunteer for power, to be the rah-rah-go-my-kid-and-her-friends-and-nobody-else, and to try to be a queen bee.

Exploit them for their labor. They have no power.

+1
Everyone's children benefits to some degree.

Anonymous wrote:No, I'm grateful for these parents so I don't have to volunteer at every event.

+1
Plus, they're usually pretty nice people. I'm busy with work and when I volunteer for a school party it's normally to bring juice boxes because that's about all the time I can dedicate. I appreciate someone handing them out, decorating, etc. I show up when I cam and there are always the same class parents.

Anonymous wrote:Some of these parents are actually genuine and are clearly right for that kind of role, are nurturing and encouraging to all kids. I find others to be overbearing and who just volunteer for power, to be the rah-rah-go-my-kid-and-her-friends-and-nobody-else, and to try to be a queen bee.

Exploit them for their labor. They have no power.

Anonymous wrote:Huh? We step up to coach, be scout leaders, volunteer at school because no one else will. Not trying to relive anything.

Field trips are fun, but my kids beg me to go on them. I only go on one per year per kid. I'm very annoyed at parents that sign up for every field trip because it doesn't give others opportunity to go.

PTA is where I draw the line. I'm not stepping up to do things that I think admin or central office should be doing. I also just want to treat teachers like professionals, not some pink collar job where we give them free snacks one week a year.

Lol, I go to the high school PTA because only about 10 of us do. I don't want the administrators to think there are zero parents out of hundreds who care to check in with the principal once a month to make sure things are going okay.

Teachers in our small, hometowny district love getting snacks. I am an MBA and I originally found the emphasis on stuff like free bagels, taco bar for conference night, bread loaf donation at Thanksgiving to have a gift at the table, kind of odd. But the teachers really like these displays of small kindnesses. It's like getting a handmade paper valentine from a kid. It still matters that somebody took time to do something for you.

I cannot fix the entire broken infrastructure of the US education sector, but I can take a little time to be kind to my direct community. And to buy things like wipes and paper towels even though the schools technically could do that. Because actually they won't.

Anonymous wrote:Anybody else feel bad for the parents who feel the need to volunteer for everything their kid does-helps on the field for every football game, chaperones every field trip, flies to every school trip?
And they act like they know all the kids and the “kids just love” them.

It’s almost like they are reliving their youth

I am the opposite. I am so grateful for the parents who have the time and band with to volunteer to make things happen for my kid.

Not everyone's brain is wired to view things the same way you do op. I would never feel that way about volunteering myself or assume that is someone's motivation for volunteering.

I used to volunteer a lot but my personal motivation began as wanting to see how my kids day was going at school or be part of the sport and help out with something I appreciated.
Later, I enjoyed it less for various personal reasons but I continued because I felt like I was expected to if nobody else stepped up. I would hope someone else would step up and then volunteer because I could and felt guilty if I didn't.
So for me it went from enjoyment to guilt to not volunteering again unless its to bring something. I dont want to be in the mix of parents as a volunteer anymore and I no longer feel enough guilt to volunteer.
I assume others want to help, experience the environment, be there for their kid and other kids, and a million other reasons. Some want to talk up the coach and get in their good graces or are gossip mongers, some know nobody else will step up, some might not spend enough time with their kid and this is one way to be present.

i’m kind of glad my school volunteering days are over because there are a lot of bitter jerk parents like op that made it unnecessarily uncomfortable.

Anonymous wrote:Huh? We step up to coach, be scout leaders, volunteer at school because no one else will. Not trying to relive anything.

Field trips are fun, but my kids beg me to go on them. I only go on one per year per kid. I'm very annoyed at parents that sign up for every field trip because it doesn't give others opportunity to go.

PTA is where I draw the line. I'm not stepping up to do things that I think admin or central office should be doing. I also just want to treat teachers like professionals, not some pink collar job where we give them free snacks one week a year.

I have always done pta. There is a lot of behind the scenes work that has to be done on the pta. My oldest is now in high school and you see the major pta people from elementary continues on in middle and high school. I am grateful for these people because volunteering takes a cliff dive as kids age. My teen does not want me to volunteer at the homecoming dance. I always volunteered for movie night or bingo night in elementary school.

I have 3 kids. I couldn’t volunteer for everything but I was very active. I had a baby so couldn’t always go on all the field trips for my older two. I signed up for field trips for my youngest but there are only 1-2 and it is a lottery so even if I wanted to go on all of them, I couldn’t.

I know my kids’ friends and various kids from scouts, neighborhood and sports. I do not get to know these kids just from volunteering at the school. Yes, if our kids were on the same soccer or basketball team and we carpool and you come to my house, I know the kid(s) and I act like I know them.

Some of these parents are actually genuine and are clearly right for that kind of role, are nurturing and encouraging to all kids. I find others to be overbearing and who just volunteer for power, to be the rah-rah-go-my-kid-and-her-friends-and-nobody-else, and to try to be a queen bee.

No. I think it’s great that they’re present in their kids lives

I'm definitely one of those parents who volunteer a lot but I don't do it to hang with other people's kids. I enjoy getting to know other parents so I tend to stick with PTA activities vs volunteering in the classrooms or chaperoning school trips. I am not one of those adults who connects easily with kids--I'd much prefer to talk in front of a group of adults than a classroom full of kids. So I don't think all of the "kids love me" by any means.

Now DH is a different story--he coaches all of the kids' teams and they all love him. He has a great way of connecting with them but honestly, he does it because he loves sports.