Anonymous wrote:My parents live 8 hours away from us. Dad is fully retired, Mom is still working. Due to some health problems and scheduling issues, my parents are visiting us (5 yr old, 1 yr old) for the first time in six months. In the time since the previous visit, my Mom has gone on and on about how much she missses us, wants to see the kids and build a bond with them, etc, etc.

During this trip, when theres been downtime, my Mom will pull out her laptop to “take care of a couple emails” which is kinda irritating because I took off of work to spend more time with them during this visit. However, the tipping point came today. When I asked what time they’d be leaving their hotel to come to our place, I was told that “mom has a work situation she has to deal with.”

Eventually, my Dad came over on his own about two hours later. I talked to my Dad about it, and asked if the work crisis was self inflicted or something that truly only my Mom could deal with. His response was that it was a little of both, but that my Mom really should have the wherewithal to delegate these tasks to others, but ultimately he was kind of like “well that’s just how she is”

Anyways, this is still fresh, but am I justified in feeling this way?

Anonymous wrote:Does it matter if you're justified in being annoyed or not? If the majority of us say, yes, you're justified, will that change your mom's behavior? If the majority of us say no, you aren't justified, will you no longer be annoyed?

I recommend just accepting it if she's still interacting with your kids and doing things with you when you're together.

If you can't, then you can say "if you work while you visit next time, you can't come back" but that likely isn't going to change her.

If she's not available for certain things, then don't wait for her and do them with your dad.

You can't change other people - you can only change how you react.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you are! I can’t believe you took time off to spend with them and they completely f***ed off. I’d be livid. The next time they ask to visit I’d agree but tell them I won’t be taking time off, we can hang out evenings and weekends.

I can’t imagine being this mad.

I always have to work on days I take leave. It’s just the nature of my job. If I don’t work at home, I’m not prepared when I get to school.

I took 2 days off last year to spend a long weekend with my father-in-law. I had to spend several hours each day keeping up with what was going on in my classroom. It doesn’t help that the trip coincided with college app deadlines, so I was writing last-minute letters and editing supplemental essays.

Some jobs don’t stop simply because you aren’t there.

Anonymous wrote:Of course you are! I can’t believe you took time off to spend with them and they completely f***ed off. I’d be livid. The next time they ask to visit I’d agree but tell them I won’t be taking time off, we can hang out evenings and weekends.