Anonymous wrote:You being broke is not the issue. All of your baggage is an issue. You are 46 years old, you have a failed marriage, you don’t have your kids full time, you live in an apartment, you don’t make a lot of money. What part of that are you a catch for a woman in her 40’s?

So mean! Are you implying having his kids full time would make him MORE of a catch?

I would be fine with cheap or free dates, but I wouldn’t date anyone who lived somewhere that I didn’t feel safe.
So I guess that while money doesn’t matter in some ways, it kind of does.

You don’t have your kids half the time? They don’t stay with you at all? Hard pass. A man who gives up his kids that easily is not a person I want to be around. I don’t GAF about money. My favorite dates are hiking, coffee, people watching in a park.

A broke 46 year old who already has 2 kids is a no go. You need to get out there and earn or just be happy with your situ.

Why are you sending more money? Is she better with money than you are?
I would have turned the 50% extra you send into $50k in no time and then collected $5k a month from it for us all to benefit.
You are bad with money.

OP, don’t let women here get you down. They don’t reflect reality for most women.

I’m pretty hot (a solid 8) and dating a broke guy. I make several times more than him. And when I say broke, I mean he’s BROKE broke, like barely makes above minimum wage broke. But he has a fantastic personality, he’s extremely kind and attentive, incredible in bed, absolutely crazy about me, and fantastic body with a 6 pack (not necessary, but definitely helped in my case, I’m very attracted to fit men).

The best advice I can give you is to communicate. Don’t pretend to have more money than you do. Be honest about where it goes. I would 100% rather a man be honest and openly communicate with me, than lie to me and try to pretend he’s something he’s not. Most women can be flexible on things like money, but you can’t overcome dishonesty.

I’ve always found dinner dates extremely boring, so we do free/cheap things. If you’re in the DC area, there’s hundreds of options. I would rather go on a cheap or free date that I can tell a man put a lot of thought into and knew I would enjoy, than a fancy dinner.

You sound like a great guy who wants what is best for his kids, and that’s a huge advantage for you. The only thing that would seriously give me pause in your situation is why you don’t have 50% custody. It’s not the money, it’s the “why did he decide to opt out of parenting”.

Anonymous wrote:You are giving your ex 50% more than child support (based on what calculation if not divorced?), but don't have custody of your kids at all? Its the last part that would get me....

This- it's like he's guilty of something.
Maybe why he didn't get custody.
Dude you need to work on yourself and be a good in-person dad to your kids and not just a wallet. Don't look for the next thing to st1ck your d1ck in. Just calm down and be a parent.

You are giving your ex 50% more than child support (based on what calculation if not divorced?), but don't have custody of your kids at all? Its the last part that would get me....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You being broke is not the issue. All of your baggage is an issue. You are 46 years old, you have a failed marriage, you don’t have your kids full time, you live in an apartment, you don’t make a lot of money. What part of that are you a catch for a woman in her 40’s?

OP here. I totally agree with you. I don't necessarily consider my career to have been a total failure. In this economy I am thankful to have a job where I make $210k. For some of you it's nothing I get it.

Yes you kid of stated the obvious ain't no catch i am not acting like one. I am just venting chill a bit.

So you make a doctor’s salary, but you live in a one-bedroom apartment and are otherwise broke?
You need to get it together, man. Why are you giving your ex-wife all of your money? Why can’t you get at least a decent apartment to live in where you can have your kids?
It sounds like you are hell-bent on being kind of pathetic and self-deprecating. That can be sort of adorable when you are younger, but it is not attractive in a middle-aged man.

The fact that you don’t have a lot of money isn’t as bad as this Eeyore mentality.

+1 this is very true.

I was going to ask what you meant by “broke” and then you pulled the dcum bait and switch, and it turns out you have a very good salary. So I probably wouldn’t date you because of the baggage you are carrying about yourself - it would have nothing to do with your financial status.

FFS you have a good career. I wouldn’t care if you had to budget due to your child support obligations, and it would be a plus that you were meeting them, and then some. I would not care that you are in an apartment (those that would are not worth your time, including the PPs who were quite unkind about it). Dcum does not reflect the real world, but if you would like to partner with this contingent, you may be out of luck.

One year out though - are you ready for something serious?

A few things stand out as problematic with your post. 1. You are either incapable of writing well or incapable or proofreading or both. Additionally, your word choice is very immature. These factors I dictate that you are not very smart. I know this is an online forum but I suspect it is par for the course with you. 2. You sound bitter and immature in general.
These are going to hold you back far more than being broke.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You being broke is not the issue. All of your baggage is an issue. You are 46 years old, you have a failed marriage, you don’t have your kids full time, you live in an apartment, you don’t make a lot of money. What part of that are you a catch for a woman in her 40’s?

OP here. I totally agree with you. I don't necessarily consider my career to have been a total failure. In this economy I am thankful to have a job where I make $210k. For some of you it's nothing I get it.

Yes you kid of stated the obvious ain't no catch i am not acting like one. I am just venting chill a bit.

So you make a doctor’s salary, but you live in a one-bedroom apartment and are otherwise broke?
You need to get it together, man. Why are you giving your ex-wife all of your money? Why can’t you get at least a decent apartment to live in where you can have your kids?
It sounds like you are hell-bent on being kind of pathetic and self-deprecating. That can be sort of adorable when you are younger, but it is not attractive in a middle-aged man.

The fact that you don’t have a lot of money isn’t as bad as this Eeyore mentality.

His salary in DC is common. After taxes his options are not as many as you think. He elected to make sure his kids live well, what's wrong with that?

His income would go far enough for him to rent a two bedroom apartment his kids could stay in.

If he wants to die on this for whatever reason and give his ex-wife and kids most of his income, that’s his decision. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, but of course the fact that most of his resources are going to another woman is going to make it harder for him to date.

This is a confidence issue more than a money issue. Lots of women would date a guy like you, especially if he's in decent shape and financially stable (though not well off). The key is to do things that are fun. Many fun things are free or inexpensive.

Running and hiking. Going to festivals and hearing some lesser known bands play live music. Cooking at home. Many galleries and museums (especially in DC). Use your imagination. You don't have to take your date to dinner at The Palm and a show at the Kennedy Center.

You approach dating by getting in perfect shape and dating 10+ older women in your situation. Some would be interested

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You being broke is not the issue. All of your baggage is an issue. You are 46 years old, you have a failed marriage, you don’t have your kids full time, you live in an apartment, you don’t make a lot of money. What part of that are you a catch for a woman in her 40’s?

OP here. I totally agree with you. I don't necessarily consider my career to have been a total failure. In this economy I am thankful to have a job where I make $210k. For some of you it's nothing I get it.

Yes you kid of stated the obvious ain't no catch i am not acting like one. I am just venting chill a bit.

So you make a doctor’s salary, but you live in a one-bedroom apartment and are otherwise broke?
You need to get it together, man. Why are you giving your ex-wife all of your money? Why can’t you get at least a decent apartment to live in where you can have your kids?
It sounds like you are hell-bent on being kind of pathetic and self-deprecating. That can be sort of adorable when you are younger, but it is not attractive in a middle-aged man.

The fact that you don’t have a lot of money isn’t as bad as this Eeyore mentality.

His salary in DC is common. After taxes his options are not as many as you think. He elected to make sure his kids live well, what's wrong with that?