Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop feeding the anxiety, you’re making it worse.

I hadn’t even considered this.

What should I be saying when she comes to me that wouldn’t be feeding the anxiety?

It’s normal to nervous about new things. You’ll get through this just like you got used to x, y, and z. Can you think of anything than might help?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop feeding the anxiety, you’re making it worse.

I hadn’t even considered this.

What should I be saying when she comes to me that wouldn’t be feeding the anxiety?

"Yeah, I hear that you're nervous. Lots of people get nervous before starting something new. Do you remember how you felt before starting middle school?"

(Hopefully that'll turn into a realization that things worked out okay. Maybe don't do this if middle school was horrible but think of something else that felt daunting and worked out.)

Or if she's the type of person who benefits from articulating worries and you think it won't lead to too much rumination you could say

"Oh yeah, it's really common to be nervous before school starts. Tell me more."

Or if you want to change the subject

"Anything you want to pack in your lunch or need for your morning routine?"

If she's generally anxious, you can work on some anxiety reduction techniques. Journaling can help. Breathing exercises. Noticing the feeling in her body. Etc.

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to go for a walk/run around the block each time she says she's nervous.

A good idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop feeding the anxiety, you’re making it worse.

I hadn’t even considered this.

What should I be saying when she comes to me that wouldn’t be feeding the anxiety?

You can still validate her feelings, but instead of reassuring her that everything will be fine, remind her that even if things aren't fine, she's gotten through hard things before and can do hard things again.

This.

Look at it from her perspective: we adults have turned the high school experience into an episode of the Hunger Games in the sense that one slip up (er, C on a report card) and it's all over. No good college will want you! And she has to put in four years' worth of flawless performance, quarter after quarter after quarter. It matters now, because we adults have decided it does. That would exhaust anyone, and make any kid anxious. How am I not going to step on a landmine? What if a class is harder than I expected? What if I'm getting a C in something? We told our kids to do the best that they can, we realize that high school can feel like a slog because it is a slog. But there is a lot of good stuff waiting on the other side of it. We're fine with you getting Bs and we're here to help. We're your behind the scenes support crew, so lean on us if you need to talk. We're proud of you, we love you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop feeding the anxiety, you’re making it worse.

I hadn’t even considered this.

What should I be saying when she comes to me that wouldn’t be feeding the anxiety?

You can still validate her feelings, but instead of reassuring her that everything will be fine, remind her that even if things aren't fine, she's gotten through hard things before and can do hard things again.

Agreed. For some people, especially ones that tend to ruminate, it can be counterproductive to keep talking about their anxiety.

I also think it can feel like deceiving when moms tell their kids that everything is going to be fine. Sometimes things aren't fine and the first day is going to be hard. Your dd knows that likely might happen. I too hated high school. There was no longer assigned seating (elementary and middle school had us sitting with our class) and it was scary to know where to sit. It was easy to be ostracized and the older girls especially tried to beat up freshmen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop feeding the anxiety, you’re making it worse.

I hadn’t even considered this.

What should I be saying when she comes to me that wouldn’t be feeding the anxiety?

You can still validate her feelings, but instead of reassuring her that everything will be fine, remind her that even if things aren't fine, she's gotten through hard things before and can do hard things again.

Love this!

^ don't UP the anxiety

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop feeding the anxiety, you’re making it worse.

I hadn’t even considered this.

What should I be saying when she comes to me that wouldn’t be feeding the anxiety?

You say it’s normal, she is going to have a great first day, and you move on to another topic.

But she might not have a great first day -- many first days are difficult. Saying something that's clearly not true will just keep her from believing you in the future. Instead, talk about the power and agency she has -- what can she do even if the first day isn't great?