Yes. Annoying. I disliked it when I was single and I try not to do it now with kids.

Leave the kid at home. I tried this with a very old friend who I had a long standing monthly brunch with. But she would talk to the toddler the whole time, get up and take her to the potty and be gone for 10 minutes or so, and then the toddler was interrupting constantly. It wasn’t very fun for me, sitting alone at a table, so it stopped. Also because my friend had a deal with her husband that one weekend day was her daym and one was his day with the toddler but for some reason she was only available to meet for brunch when it was her day so the toddler came too. Told me how little she valued the friendship. We’re not friends anymore.

Leave her at home if you can. Infants are easy, toddlers are not, they are annoying and distracting and your friends likely want to see you without kids.

If your childcare falls through at the last minute, that's okay. But as regular thing, no, it's not okay.

It’s annoying, but I would rather see you and your kid did not get to see you at all. So if it’s between going out and not going out, go out, but bring the kid.

OP, from about 16 months until age 3 (at least), most kids are a gigantic pain to have in restaurants. You are through the easy part - if there is a way to leave your kid at home, do it.

Yes. Annoying. Find a sitter.

It's adult time for you to catch with friends less the distraction of a child.

Don't ask if you can drag your child along as it will only guilt trip your friends into saying yes.

Anonymous wrote:You aren't really friends with these people if you aren't willing/can't have a conversation about this

I disagree with this blanket statement. OP could bring it up, but depending on a few factors, the conversation may not be as helpful. I do think it’s easier to get honest answers in anonymous board than from people safe to face. I have really good friends where I wouldn’t want to say something that I thought could offend or hurt their feelings or could be taken texting way.

Especially if these friends are childless… there are quite a few things that they may not be comfortable saying to their new mom friend. I can see them coming on DCUM to ask “my friend brings her toddler to lunch dates. What should I do?”

Just make it explicit from jump and give them an out:

"Hey Sarah, want to get lunch with me and Larla on Saturday?"

<If they ask you to lunch> "Oh I'd love to, but I'd have to bring Larla. Or if that doesn't work, we could do lunch just us on X date when Steve can watch her."

I would be truthful and I would be okay with it. I enjoyed meeting my friends' kids and if that was the only way to see them, it was okay with me.

I have fond memories of a trip to the National Zoo with a former colleague who had moved away from DC. She drove in from near Middleburg to see me and brought 2 kids under 5. We ate lunch at a zoo fast food restaurant, took turns pushing the younger one around in the stroller, etc. That was about 8 years before I had my first kid.

The only time I would mind is if there was something serious to discuss (like relationship problems) and the kids were old enough to understand the discussion. But social get-togethers like restaurant dining are not a great venue for that kind of private convo anyway.

Newborn is okay if that's the way it has to be. Over 9 months, find a way to go solo. It is better for you and your friends.

Yes, I think it's annoying. I have kids and obviously I do a lot of things with them but having lunch with kids (or even one kid) versus having lunch with just adults are two different things, regardless of the age(s) of the kid(s).

I agree with the people saying no one is going to tell you it’s annoying. The key for me would be how much are you needing to interact with the toddler. If you’re only half engaged in our conversation and it was a planned outing to catch up it would be irritating. With babies sometimes they sleep during an outing. Toddlers start to demand more.

I feel like a lot of discussion is not required here. Now that baby is over 1, you shouldn’t bring her anymore. If it’s working now, it won’t for long. Find a babysitter, you’ll be glad you did!

If OP asks her friends, chances are they won’t be truthful with her if they are against it. The fact is most people are polite and don’t want to upset her. Everyone will say it’s OK, even if they feel the opposite.

Anonymous wrote:You aren't really friends with these people if you aren't willing/can't have a conversation about this

This. Just ask your so-called friends, OP. If you can't even ask, or want to do whatever you want and say "the internet said it would be fine", well, that's a powerful statement about the nature of your "friendships".