Anonymous wrote:I went through this once. They had not lived together. He had poor boundaries, in general, and this was just another example of that. He concealed the fact that he had been approached and agreed to dog sit by ex until I saw the dog. To me, it was not ok. But clearly he didn’t care enough about my opinion to discuss it.
Needless to say, he is an ex.

7:12 here. You said it much more succinctly than I did. Weird that so many of us have similar stories.

Anonymous wrote:Seems like an opening to discuss his relationship with her as an ex. From there you can decide if there’s anything for you to worry about

This. The cheating with her in his last relationship would be a huge red flag for me. Talk to him and figure out if it's just a nice gesture or if it's something more.

Also, this took me back 30ish years ago when I went over my boyfriend (of 2 years)'s house and there was a dog bowl in his kitchen. He had failed to mention his ex-girlfriend had been "stopping by" with her dog (!) to hang out while her father and brother did some contracting work on my boyfriend's house (I did not even realize he'd hired his ex's family; it was such a non-event to him). It was among the final straws for me of him not setting boundaries with his ex. She was newly single and clearly trying to get back with him (to me). I was paranoid (to him). We broke up, she tried to move in and pick up where they left off, and he told me I was right, but that was sad consolation.

Anonymous wrote:Where is the “leave the ex in the past” crowd? To me, it’d be less about the dog and more about the level of contact/“friendship”.

+1

I went through this once. They had not lived together. He had poor boundaries, in general, and this was just another example of that. He concealed the fact that he had been approached and agreed to dog sit by ex until I saw the dog. To me, it was not ok. But clearly he didn’t care enough about my opinion to discuss it.
Needless to say, he is an ex.

Much easier than dating a divorced person co-parenting kids with an ex.

Where is the “leave the ex in the past” crowd? To me, it’d be less about the dog and more about the level of contact/“friendship”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I shared very few details. he was with her for 5 years they used to live together. I don’t know if the dog was around then. After they ended he had a new relationship and cheated with her once according to him.

Because of this history I just feel uncomfortable about it all.

Yeah. End that relationship. Seems sloppy.

OP here again. To answer earlier questions we’ve been together a year. I’m not a troll. I’m sorry I didn’t give all details up front. I was ticked off and just trying to post quickly.

DP...the dog doesn't raise any red flags with me. The cheating raises a big red flag.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Your boyfriend can do whatever he wants, not only things that you approve or feel comfortable with. If you have a problem with that, break up with him.

You sound like a jerk.

Of course adults can do whatever they want, but mature people who are in committed relationships care about what their partners think and adjust their behavior accordingly.

He should have run it by you first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I shared very few details. he was with her for 5 years they used to live together. I don’t know if the dog was around then. After they ended he had a new relationship and cheated with her once according to him.

Because of this history I just feel uncomfortable about it all.

Yeah. End that relationship. Seems sloppy.

OP here again. To answer earlier questions we’ve been together a year. I’m not a troll. I’m sorry I didn’t give all details up front. I was ticked off and just trying to post quickly.

DP...the dog doesn't raise any red flags with me. The cheating raises a big red flag.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your boyfriend is a good guy.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I shared very few details. he was with her for 5 years they used to live together. I don’t know if the dog was around then. After they ended he had a new relationship and cheated with her once according to him.

Because of this history I just feel uncomfortable about it all.

Yeah. End that relationship. Seems sloppy.

OP here again. To answer earlier questions we’ve been together a year. I’m not a troll. I’m sorry I didn’t give all details up front. I was ticked off and just trying to post quickly.

Anonymous wrote:I hate my ex. If we were the last people left on earth and the only way to re-populate earth was for me to have sex with him, I still wouldn’t do it.

But… I’d happily give him my dog to go on vacation so that it would be well taken care of. And save me a lot of money. And I suspect he would happily do it to get to see his former dog again.

You are so weird.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your boyfriend is a good guy.

Enmeshment with exs is a positive trait?

The bar is in hell

I hate my ex. If we were the last people left on earth and the only way to re-populate earth was for me to have sex with him, I still wouldn’t do it.

But… I’d happily give him my dog to go on vacation so that it would be well taken care of. And save me a lot of money. And I suspect he would happily do it to get to see his former dog again.