Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this a lot. You simply want a closer relationship than he wants. He values your relationship but simply doesn’t want the level of closeness and frequency of visits that you do.

Do not write to him! That is completely crazy and will make him pull back more.

From what OP describes, he's not making an active choice. He just sounds lazy. If they lived next door he'd probably see her all the time. Hes just not going to make arrangements and plans. Op needs to take a bigger role in that, with SIL if she's amenable. I think there is some childhood baggage here when OP says everything was also catered around his needs. She probably needs to let that go. Her brother is married with multiple children whole OP is single with one child, so she'll have to be the more flexible one, but it can be done with some effort. I hope OP is not treating this as referendum on how valued she is in the family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If OP is a single mom with a small kid...why does she think anyone is interested in hanging out with her, least of all her grown-ass-married-with-children brother?

What a cruel, cynical thing to say. And do you really think men can’t enjoy hanging out with their sisters simply because they’re men?

Anonymous wrote:This is my brother. He's always been this way. It's out of sight, out of mind. If it weren't for his wife (whom no one actually likes), he would hardly talk to our parents. He didn't before she married him. She basically manages his relationship with our parents. But, that's because she sees it as a chore. In her culture, that's what wives do.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this a lot. You simply want a closer relationship than he wants. He values your relationship but simply doesn’t want the level of closeness and frequency of visits that you do.

Do not write to him! That is completely crazy and will make him pull back more.

Anonymous wrote:As the summer wraps up, i've been really upset this week about the lack of relationship I have with my brother. Over the past 6 months he has only reached out 2 times (and once was actually his wife, not him I think). They live 40 min away and we have young kids the same age and he is a teacher so has had time all summer. We have similar political views and like to do alot of the same things. I had a vision of our kids being close- and my brother has verbalized this too but I dont think my 2 year old even knows his older cousins (3 yr older than him) name at this point.

I dont think its that my brother and my SIL dont like me. I think its that he's so self centered and likes doing his own thing and is bad at communicating. Last time we talked on the phone he was like "oh we havent seen you since last month, we should do something soon" and when we get together is seems like everyone has a good time, but when I reach out to hang out or get together, he never responds. His wife tries to make him manage his relationship with his family, so while she does loop me into larger events and invites me to the kids birthdays and for example Easter this year- Im just so sad.

Previously I would reach out and then clear my calendar that weekend just hoping they would want to get together and I stopped doing that because I was sick of plans (also with parents who live nearby) just always centering around him and his family's needs and schedule. He's always been favored by my parents even though he can be rude to them.

Im thinking of sending him an email about all of this, prob should call him but honestly he rarely picks up (not just a problem with me). Im single and just have one kid and thought moving back to this area would allow me to have a relationship with my family. Im just sad.

Anonymous wrote:It is not a lack of relationship, it is just less get togethers than you would like.

Anonymous wrote:As the summer wraps up, i've been really upset this week about the lack of relationship I have with my brother. Over the past 6 months he has only reached out 2 times (and once was actually his wife, not him I think). They live 40 min away and we have young kids the same age and he is a teacher so has had time all summer. We have similar political views and like to do alot of the same things. I had a vision of our kids being close- and my brother has verbalized this too but I dont think my 2 year old even knows his older cousins (3 yr older than him) name at this point.

I dont think its that my brother and my SIL dont like me. I think its that he's so self centered and likes doing his own thing and is bad at communicating. Last time we talked on the phone he was like "oh we havent seen you since last month, we should do something soon" and when we get together is seems like everyone has a good time, but when I reach out to hang out or get together, he never responds. His wife tries to make him manage his relationship with his family, so while she does loop me into larger events and invites me to the kids birthdays and for example Easter this year- Im just so sad.

Previously I would reach out and then clear my calendar that weekend just hoping they would want to get together and I stopped doing that because I was sick of plans (also with parents who live nearby) just always centering around him and his family's needs and schedule. He's always been favored by my parents even though he can be rude to them.

Im thinking of sending him an email about all of this, prob should call him but honestly he rarely picks up (not just a problem with me). Im single and just have one kid and thought moving back to this area would allow me to have a relationship with my family. Im just sad.