Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 13:27     Subject: Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
Kids don't talk on the phone any more (they think it's rude), and yes, this is affecting the young 20-something sat the office.

For our own family solution, we got the kids a brick as they called it, when they were younger. A phone that would talk and text only (even if there was wifi, they didn't have access to the internet). So no SM, no IG, no SnapChat, no TikTok, ettc.

They could text with friends on their brick, and we had a family iPad that everyone had access to that we kept in the family room only. We also implemented a no electronics in any bedroom rule (plugged in downstairs overnight, bedrooms all upstairs).

They earned smart phones with good grades and good behavior at the start of 8th grade. And, when either suffered, they lost their smart phones. We followed through on our family rules
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 11:37     Subject: Re:Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like you understand the consequences of your options. If you don't allow some sort of electronic device, particularly an apple one, she will be left out. And, she will know and she will feel it. And, it won't just be on texts and group chats. But, she won't get included in activities because they are planned on texts and group chats. OTOH, if you give her a phone, you will have to monitor it and teach her how to use it in accordance with your values.

Personally, I opted for the phone. You gotta work with your kids at some point to navigate use of electronics and managing drama so you might as well do it at the point where it is necessary to avoid the adverse consequences on their relationships and social lives.


Omg, does an Apple marketing dept employee shill-post here??? Nobody's social life died because they didn't have an iPhone. Let me tell you the secret about popular kids: they will still be popular even if they communicate by carrier pigeon. It's not the brand of phone they have or the brand of athleisure they wear, it's how they command attention.


For kids that do not have phones but have an Apple Watch or iPad, having an Apple product absolutely impacts their ability to communicate. They can't join iMessage chats - so if only one or two kids have an Android, they are left out. It's real.


Not really the case any more (or ever really), but I could see kids not knowing how to properly set it up. Parents, you absolutely don't need to pay the apple tax, just help them get up and running.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 11:32     Subject: Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP with a dumb question: can someone join a group text from an iPad using an email and not a phone number?


Yes, in 4th and 5th grade this was how my daughter texted and FaceTimed her friends. We just used the iCloud email. She has a phone going into 6th now but she still uses both the iPad and phone interchangeably as it’s logged into the same account on the phone as well.


OP and thank you! I don’t want to give in on the phone but I can see a situation where we set up the family ipad with an Apple ID that belongs just to DD and keep it in the kitchen like an old-fashioned family desktop computer/landline.


Well hold up. . . you've got to make sure you can read those texts and she can't delete them before you do. I don't know all the ways this can be done, but when my now college kid was in MS she had her own number, but it was linked to my apple ID. This meant, I could log-in to her account and read her messages on my IPad. You want that kind of supervision initially. You'll see some very important teaching moments. Things that came up in my kids' group chats: (1) a friend posting a picture about the smell of Lush "making her wet" with pics of my DD and other friends (gross); (2) someone just texting back rudely to my DD "I don't care" and coaching her through how to respond; (3) racist language being used by boys in a mixed-gender group chat; (4) bullying happens all the time in group chats as the group may gang up on someone for something they did or said. This sort of stuff continues through H.S. and your kid will need to learn how to manage these sorts of conflicts. But, having you see some of the problems as they develop early on can help while the stakes are relatively low and she'll be willing to accept your input more than she will be when she's 16.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 11:10     Subject: Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
My DD's friend group needed phones earlier than most because of walking home/being home without the parents in the afternoon.

I think it is a good thing to give your kids tech and teach them how to use it responsibly, under your guidance, rather than pretend it doesn't exist.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 11:00     Subject: Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
I give no expectation of privacy to my kids and their phone activities. And explicitly talk through possible scenarios and that they need to be comfortable coming to parents with issues. So, what happens if someone starts bullying in a chat, what if someone sends them an inappropriate picture etc etc. And I openly talk about what’s in the group chat. I don’t parent other kids (if it’s not super serious) but we talk about things said that aren’t ok. Need to have an open line of commmunicaiton and the moment that stops, the phone goes away. It’s a privilege not a right. Of course, we will adjust as she ages, but that’s where I am with our 6th grader. 10th grader has more freedom but still no expectation of privacy. Of course, she now has Snapchat, so there is an element of trust there since I can’t really see everything in that app.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 10:55     Subject: Re:Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like you understand the consequences of your options. If you don't allow some sort of electronic device, particularly an apple one, she will be left out. And, she will know and she will feel it. And, it won't just be on texts and group chats. But, she won't get included in activities because they are planned on texts and group chats. OTOH, if you give her a phone, you will have to monitor it and teach her how to use it in accordance with your values.

Personally, I opted for the phone. You gotta work with your kids at some point to navigate use of electronics and managing drama so you might as well do it at the point where it is necessary to avoid the adverse consequences on their relationships and social lives.


Omg, does an Apple marketing dept employee shill-post here??? Nobody's social life died because they didn't have an iPhone. Let me tell you the secret about popular kids: they will still be popular even if they communicate by carrier pigeon. It's not the brand of phone they have or the brand of athleisure they wear, it's how they command attention.


Agree with you. But for the awkward kids, it really is one more thing to feel self conscious about. Self confidence is everything. While I may not like what gives kids that these days, I will do what I can to support them. You’re right that the popular kids will always be included. But for the ones on the sides, it really does matter if they don’t have a phone etc. If they are included but not always “critical” to a social event, they will be left out. It’s your choice if that’s important to you. It was to us. We monitor the phone and she can’t have social media until some later time. She also can’t just be on it at home as a time suck.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 10:55     Subject: Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
My daughter had one last year, even after we remove her from the group she got a way to go back in, there was a issue with bullying, some kids said it wasn't bullying or what ever. at the end of the school day they got in trouble and gotten referrals for bullying they ended up missing a hour of field day
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 09:11     Subject: Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP with a dumb question: can someone join a group text from an iPad using an email and not a phone number?


Yes, my kid does this.


Thank you for responding! It looks normal and your kid can see everything?


My daughter uses our family Mac to do the group text chat. I believe as long as the other device is an Apple device, it works. However, she cannot text a non Apple phone from the Mac.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 09:07     Subject: Re:Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like you understand the consequences of your options. If you don't allow some sort of electronic device, particularly an apple one, she will be left out. And, she will know and she will feel it. And, it won't just be on texts and group chats. But, she won't get included in activities because they are planned on texts and group chats. OTOH, if you give her a phone, you will have to monitor it and teach her how to use it in accordance with your values.

Personally, I opted for the phone. You gotta work with your kids at some point to navigate use of electronics and managing drama so you might as well do it at the point where it is necessary to avoid the adverse consequences on their relationships and social lives.


Omg, does an Apple marketing dept employee shill-post here??? Nobody's social life died because they didn't have an iPhone. Let me tell you the secret about popular kids: they will still be popular even if they communicate by carrier pigeon. It's not the brand of phone they have or the brand of athleisure they wear, it's how they command attention.


For kids that do not have phones but have an Apple Watch or iPad, having an Apple product absolutely impacts their ability to communicate. They can't join iMessage chats - so if only one or two kids have an Android, they are left out. It's real.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 09:05     Subject: Re:Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
Anonymous wrote:Remember its not all or nothing. You can get an ipad or phone and that doesn't mean they have the ability to use every app every possible way. We did an ipad/apple watch at this age and have no regrets. Your kid will be left out if they are not on the group chats. There's no way around it. Some parents don't care - you have to decide. My kid has rarely been sucked into the group chat drama but its clear other kids struggle more. You need to monitor and teach them what is appropriate. Have good rules and expectations from the start. And yes it should be an apple product.


+1
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2025 12:22     Subject: Re:Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like you understand the consequences of your options. If you don't allow some sort of electronic device, particularly an apple one, she will be left out. And, she will know and she will feel it. And, it won't just be on texts and group chats. But, she won't get included in activities because they are planned on texts and group chats. OTOH, if you give her a phone, you will have to monitor it and teach her how to use it in accordance with your values.




Personally, I opted for the phone. You gotta work with your kids at some point to navigate use of electronics and managing drama so you might as well do it at the point where it is necessary to avoid the adverse consequences on their relationships and social lives.


Omg, does an Apple marketing dept employee shill-post here??? Nobody's social life died because they didn't have an iPhone. Let me tell you the secret about popular kids: they will still be popular even if they communicate by carrier pigeon. It's not the brand of phone they have or the brand of athleisure they wear, it's how they command attention.


OP and good lord, this isn’t about popularity. This is about kids who don’t go to the same schools, don’t live in the same neighborhoods, and want to talk to each other and keep in touch. A bunch of tween girls who spend most of their time swimming are definitely not chasing popularity. I’m trying to figure out a reasonable substitute for the landline and doorbells and bikes that I grew up with. You’re not adding anything helpful to this thread.


You have no clue what you are talking about. You already lost the plot. “Popularity” really?
Yes swimmers can be popular you are already too far behind in your parenting skills.

Stop living in 1970

Your kid wants not to be left out. However she already has seen stuff you think she has not .

Phones are a reality teach your child how to use them responsibly.

Phones are also expensive not all families can afford them. Did you think of that OP no you didn’t. Because you are too focused on controlling your kids and not raising them to be responsible adults.

A fifth grader can absolutely have a phone.

They should be taught the financial responsibilities, ie how much it costs per month. I love it when kids graduate from college and their parents are still paying their phone bill and the young adult has no idea how much phones cost. They failed to raise adults.

IF you are paying for the phone it not theirs and can be taken away at any time if privileges are abused , you need to teach your child how to use it safely. Yes that means you randomly check what they are texting posting it’s not a diary it’s social media.

Parenting is an every day thing.

Yes get her a phone it’s past time. Also make sure you had the sex talk already. My guess is you have not hope I’m wrong.


This is an unhinged take on a basic question. Is everything ok?
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2025 12:13     Subject: Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP with a dumb question: can someone join a group text from an iPad using an email and not a phone number?


Yes, my kid does this.


Thank you for responding! It looks normal and your kid can see everything?


Yep! Probably about half of the kids in the chat do it through email, and the rest use a phone number.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2025 12:10     Subject: Re:Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like you understand the consequences of your options. If you don't allow some sort of electronic device, particularly an apple one, she will be left out. And, she will know and she will feel it. And, it won't just be on texts and group chats. But, she won't get included in activities because they are planned on texts and group chats. OTOH, if you give her a phone, you will have to monitor it and teach her how to use it in accordance with your values.




Personally, I opted for the phone. You gotta work with your kids at some point to navigate use of electronics and managing drama so you might as well do it at the point where it is necessary to avoid the adverse consequences on their relationships and social lives.


Omg, does an Apple marketing dept employee shill-post here??? Nobody's social life died because they didn't have an iPhone. Let me tell you the secret about popular kids: they will still be popular even if they communicate by carrier pigeon. It's not the brand of phone they have or the brand of athleisure they wear, it's how they command attention.


OP and good lord, this isn’t about popularity. This is about kids who don’t go to the same schools, don’t live in the same neighborhoods, and want to talk to each other and keep in touch. A bunch of tween girls who spend most of their time swimming are definitely not chasing popularity. I’m trying to figure out a reasonable substitute for the landline and doorbells and bikes that I grew up with. You’re not adding anything helpful to this thread.


You have no clue what you are talking about. You already lost the plot. “Popularity” really?
Yes swimmers can be popular you are already too far behind in your parenting skills.

Stop living in 1970

Your kid wants not to be left out. However she already has seen stuff you think she has not .

Phones are a reality teach your child how to use them responsibly.

Phones are also expensive not all families can afford them. Did you think of that OP no you didn’t. Because you are too focused on controlling your kids and not raising them to be responsible adults.

A fifth grader can absolutely have a phone.

They should be taught the financial responsibilities, ie how much it costs per month. I love it when kids graduate from college and their parents are still paying their phone bill and the young adult has no idea how much phones cost. They failed to raise adults.

IF you are paying for the phone it not theirs and can be taken away at any time if privileges are abused , you need to teach your child how to use it safely. Yes that means you randomly check what they are texting posting it’s not a diary it’s social media.

Parenting is an every day thing.

Yes get her a phone it’s past time. Also make sure you had the sex talk already. My guess is you have not hope I’m wrong.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2025 12:10     Subject: Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP with a dumb question: can someone join a group text from an iPad using an email and not a phone number?


Yes, in 4th and 5th grade this was how my daughter texted and FaceTimed her friends. We just used the iCloud email. She has a phone going into 6th now but she still uses both the iPad and phone interchangeably as it’s logged into the same account on the phone as well.


OP and thank you! I don’t want to give in on the phone but I can see a situation where we set up the family ipad with an Apple ID that belongs just to DD and keep it in the kitchen like an old-fashioned family desktop computer/landline.


You should do that if you don’t want her totally left out.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2025 12:06     Subject: Group chats- advice for a 5th grade parent?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP with a dumb question: can someone join a group text from an iPad using an email and not a phone number?


Yes, in 4th and 5th grade this was how my daughter texted and FaceTimed her friends. We just used the iCloud email. She has a phone going into 6th now but she still uses both the iPad and phone interchangeably as it’s logged into the same account on the phone as well.


OP and thank you! I don’t want to give in on the phone but I can see a situation where we set up the family ipad with an Apple ID that belongs just to DD and keep it in the kitchen like an old-fashioned family desktop computer/landline.