Nope but I’ve seen too many bad things happen to kids so not relaxed at all.

Parents are just cheap and don’t want to pay for aftercare or sitters. Some parents in my affluent neighborhood stop paying for summer camps in like 5th grade and all these unsupervised kids troll the pool, the shopping center and the streets like hoodlums.

I am a young-average age parent (37 with a 9yo) and allow my oldest to stay home for short periods. My kids have been able to attend drop off playdates since around 5-7 (dependent on each kid and how well we know the family).

In my experience there’s no correlation between parental age and their anxiety about leaving their child. I know an older mom with an only who over time has become the only parent who stays for parties or play dates that are clearly supposed to be drop-off. I try not to judge, as I don’t know what life experiences may have led this mom to be so cautious, but it’s also led me to not invite this girl over.

OP, I gently suggest you consider where your anxiety comes from and try to work through it. The world is not less safe than it was when we were kids, we just hear about every horrible thing these days due to internet and social media. Of course it’s normal to remember the mistakes we made when we were young, and times that something could have gone really wrong. It is NECESSARY to experience those moments of growth, though, in order to not end up with an anxiety disorder.

My 9-10 year old 4th grader walked home from school alone most days and is allowed to walk to the school playground or some close friends’ houses alone. I wouldn’t leave her at a playdate where she was unsupervised, but if a parent & kid I trusted asked if they could pop out for 15 minutes to grab dinner and leave the kids alone, I would say yes no problem. My kid is responsible and has a Gizmo to contact me/be tracked. My 7-8 year old 2nd grader is very occasionally left at home with his sister but not for more than 30 minutes and not routinely. He’s very responsible and I may get him the Gizmo in 3rd grade.

Anonymous wrote:It’s way too old to be sticking around for play dates!

Seriously. I don’t invite kids back when they come with a chaperone at that age - it’s never a good sign.

In what way are you a relaxed parent, OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you get in a car accident? Well then you're grateful that your kid wasn't in a car accident too and is safe at home. Seems like a win all around.

We absolutely leave our 7 and 9 year olds at home. The 7 year old not by himself and only when the 9 year old is also home. This is for short errands like picking up their toddler sibling from daycare.

What's the worst that can happen? Well we've planned for it and prepped our kids for it. What do they do if there's a fire? They know what to do. What do they do if there's a burglar? What to do if a friend knocks on the door and wants to play? My kids don't do any cooking and don't use the microwave when we're not home, they don't answer the door or go outside. My oldest is a very anxious kid, so I think giving her confidence, responsibility, and experience has helped her a lot with anxiety.

And you're 30 with an 8 year old??

I didn’t think a 9 year old was old enough to legally babysit.

She's not babysitting. They are both just staying home for 15 min.

You said you don’t leave your 7 year old home alone, only the two kids home together…how is that not babysitting?

[quote=Anonymous]I see myself as a pretty relaxed parent. I was surprised at the PPs in the thread about the 9 yr olds being left alone at a sleepover.

My daughter just finished second grade, so she is 8. The people in the thread talked about how 9 is 5th grade ...no it's not! At least not typically. 3rd graders turn 9.

I haven't dropped her off for a playdate before, I'm always invited to stay and when I ask what she wants, DD asks me to stay and hang out with the other mom. I can't imagine trusting someone to watch her and then coming back to her not being cared for or supervised.

Anyways, I noticed in the thread that many moms said they left their 8/9 year olds home alone frequently for errands. That seemed crazy to me. What if you get in a car accident? So many things could go wrong. I live across the street, a 2 minute walk, from Walmart, target, restaurants etc and have never walked over there without my children. Now I'm thinking I am being too careful? If they are sleeping, I doordash food from across the street, rather than leaving them.

Is it possibly the older and therefore maybe more old-school parents who are doing this? I am 30, and none of my friends my age who are mothers would consider leaving children home alone before being teens. I started babysitting at 12, but the world is very different, and also I still remember all the things I did wrong as a babysitter at that age. And maybe the older parents have more money, so they tend to be in safer areas, compared to my questionable neighborhood?




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Do you have a life outside of your kids? Do you socialize, go out with your husband, have a job etc?

The parents who are the most anxious and helicopter-y have a completely child-centric life. Everything goes off the rails when the kids are older and want their parents to back off, but their parents have built a life that’s centered around focusing on their children.

Assuming you don’t give your child space, which I assume from the comment about staying at a play date, I would start there!

I don't trust American parenting. So, all the playdates happen at our home. And since our home is set up to entertain and host, most people actually want their kids to come to our house. We also provide meals (I have a cook) - so that is also a lure.

I am an older parent with an 8 year old. He has a Gizmo watch and we let him bike around the neighborhood and go to friends' houses or to his school's playground/field by himself. We live in the middle of the city and it is totally fine. We have a WhatsApp group with about 20 families that have 3rd grade boys so we know generally where the kids are congregating. My son calls to ask if he can move from one spot to another, like from the playground to one of his friend's houses.

Never done a dropoff play date? It is kid dependent but why wouldn't you just give yourself a couple of hours of downtime? There are times I stay for playdates but mostly because the other mom is a friend and we are having a soda or coffee and catching up.

Older parents are closer to GenX, the latchkey generation. We walked home alone to an empty house from like 1st grade on. Millennials had aftercare and camps and tutoring with the flush boomer parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you get in a car accident? Well then you're grateful that your kid wasn't in a car accident too and is safe at home. Seems like a win all around.

We absolutely leave our 7 and 9 year olds at home. The 7 year old not by himself and only when the 9 year old is also home. This is for short errands like picking up their toddler sibling from daycare.

What's the worst that can happen? Well we've planned for it and prepped our kids for it. What do they do if there's a fire? They know what to do. What do they do if there's a burglar? What to do if a friend knocks on the door and wants to play? My kids don't do any cooking and don't use the microwave when we're not home, they don't answer the door or go outside. My oldest is a very anxious kid, so I think giving her confidence, responsibility, and experience has helped her a lot with anxiety.

And you're 30 with an 8 year old??

I didn’t think a 9 year old was old enough to legally babysit.

She's not babysitting. They are both just staying home for 15 min.

My kid is the same age as yours. She's very conscientious and responsible.

I would never take her to a playdate where I didn't know for certain the parents would be there the whole time.

However, I do leave her home alone for 15-20 minutes while I walk to market for milk or other items. I generally let our neighbor know I'm going and DD has instructions to go to the neighbors if something goes wrong (like I don't come back by a certain time) but nothing ever does and that's honestly an excess of caution -- the market is three blocks away along quiet residential streets.

We are also pushing her to be more independent in public. She uses public restrooms on her own many places now, she can make purchases independently (we are there, we just don't accompany her to the counter).

This year we are going to start teaching her how to ride her bike to school on her own, since the school allows 4th graders to leave school without a parent as long as there is prior permission granted. So over the course of the year, we will start following her from greater distances and making sure she's staying safe, so that by next summer (fingers crossed) she could ride there and back on her own. Our plan is to get her one of those watches that can text next summer and that way we can use it to make sure she arrived okay or she can let us know she's on her way home. It won't be every day. Maybe one day a week. We might let her go with a friend who lives nearby if he and his parents are ready for it as well.

I don't think you're being overly cautious (a lot of parents are in the same place as you) but this is the age where people start giving more independence in this way. I definitely feel like my kid is ready for it, and I think starting now and giving it slowly will make the transition easier. By middle school kids should be able to be home alone for extended periods of time, even with a friend over, in my opinion. But that can't happen overnight, they need to work up to it. So it starts now.

[quote=Anonymous]I see myself as a pretty relaxed parent. I was surprised at the PPs in the thread about the 9 yr olds being left alone at a sleepover.

My daughter just finished second grade, so she is 8. The people in the thread talked about how 9 is 5th grade ...no it's not! At least not typically. 3rd graders turn 9.

I haven't dropped her off for a playdate before, I'm always invited to stay and when I ask what she wants, DD asks me to stay and hang out with the other mom. I can't imagine trusting someone to watch her and then coming back to her not being cared for or supervised.

Anyways, I noticed in the thread that many moms said they left their 8/9 year olds home alone frequently for errands. That seemed crazy to me. What if you get in a car accident? So many things could go wrong. I live across the street, a 2 minute walk, from Walmart, target, restaurants etc and have never walked over there without my children. Now I'm thinking I am being too careful? If they are sleeping, I doordash food from across the street, rather than leaving them.

Is it possibly the older and therefore maybe more old-school parents who are doing this? I am 30, and none of my friends my age who are mothers would consider leaving children home alone before being teens. I started babysitting at 12, but the world is very different, and also I still remember all the things I did wrong as a babysitter at that age. And maybe the older parents have more money, so they tend to be in safer areas, compared to my questionable neighborhood?




[/quote]

Please be aware of the trolls or even predators here who want us to feel unreasonable. Ignore them.

Every child is different, and you’ll know when it’s a good idea to leave your child alone. Always follow your gut.

Anonymous wrote:What if you get in a car accident? Well then you're grateful that your kid wasn't in a car accident too and is safe at home. Seems like a win all around.

We absolutely leave our 7 and 9 year olds at home. The 7 year old not by himself and only when the 9 year old is also home. This is for short errands like picking up their toddler sibling from daycare.

What's the worst that can happen? Well we've planned for it and prepped our kids for it. What do they do if there's a fire? They know what to do. What do they do if there's a burglar? What to do if a friend knocks on the door and wants to play? My kids don't do any cooking and don't use the microwave when we're not home, they don't answer the door or go outside. My oldest is a very anxious kid, so I think giving her confidence, responsibility, and experience has helped her a lot with anxiety.

And you're 30 with an 8 year old??

I didn’t think a 9 year old was old enough to legally babysit.