Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 18 and will be a senior this fall. She’s had the same boy best friend since sophomore year. They’ve always been completely platonic.

In the past I’ve let this boy hang out in DD’s bedroom, even with the door closed. It’s never been a problem.

The boy has been out of town for the summer but they keep in touch through calls and texting. Lately ive had an inkling that they might be developing feelings for each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if they start dating when he returns this fall.

If they start dating I definitely don’t want him in DD’s bedroom, but I don’t know exactly how to present this to her. I don’t feel comfortable telling her that I think she might start dating her friend. I don’t want to push her in that direction. How should I proceed?

If they’re going to boink, they’re going to boink. It matters little whether or not they are allowed by you to use her room.

Yes, they will figure out a way to do it if they want to but why encourage it and make it easier for them? Allowing them to hang out in a closed bedroom screams, "Go for it, kids. Bonk away!"

Not really, it says that you did your job asa a parent to educate the child and trust her judgement.

Maybe they want some privacy to have a personal conversation.

18 YOs do not have good “judgment.” I don’t care how well they are raised.

The issue here is you want to control your kid. You want your daughter/son to ask for permission to have sex when they are 18 and about to go to college? Not only you’re delusional, but you need to have a better sense of appropriate boundaries.

So if the door is open, you’re going to eavesdrop to listen for loud moaning and survey the room from time to time to police them? It’s so cringe, they are18! They’ll do it when you’re not at home or at his house.

I bet your spouse will be happier if you focus on your own sex life instead of your daughters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean she’s 18, this guy is clearly an important part of her life, what’s your actual goal in saying he’s not allowed in her room? I’d be way more pleased that my young adult dd might be getting into a relationship with someone who she had a solid friendship with than trying to prevent them from being together.

This. Discuss safe sex and being respectful to people in the house.

Fully agree. 18 is the age at which you should be reducing restrictions, not tightening them.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 18 and will be a senior this fall. She’s had the same boy best friend since sophomore year. They’ve always been completely platonic.

In the past I’ve let this boy hang out in DD’s bedroom, even with the door closed. It’s never been a problem.

The boy has been out of town for the summer but they keep in touch through calls and texting. Lately ive had an inkling that they might be developing feelings for each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if they start dating when he returns this fall.

If they start dating I definitely don’t want him in DD’s bedroom, but I don’t know exactly how to present this to her. I don’t feel comfortable telling her that I think she might start dating her friend. I don’t want to push her in that direction. How should I proceed?

If they’re going to boink, they’re going to boink. It matters little whether or not they are allowed by you to use her room.

Yes, they will figure out a way to do it if they want to but why encourage it and make it easier for them? Allowing them to hang out in a closed bedroom screams, "Go for it, kids. Bonk away!"

Not really, it says that you did your job asa a parent to educate the child and trust her judgement.

Maybe they want some privacy to have a personal conversation.

18 YOs do not have good “judgment.” I don’t care how well they are raised.

Anonymous wrote:DD is 18 and will be a senior this fall. She’s had the same boy best friend since sophomore year. They’ve always been completely platonic.

In the past I’ve let this boy hang out in DD’s bedroom, even with the door closed. It’s never been a problem.

The boy has been out of town for the summer but they keep in touch through calls and texting. Lately ive had an inkling that they might be developing feelings for each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if they start dating when he returns this fall.

If they start dating I definitely don’t want him in DD’s bedroom, but I don’t know exactly how to present this to her. I don’t feel comfortable telling her that I think she might start dating her friend. I don’t want to push her in that direction. How should I proceed?

I’m sorry. You don’t know how to “present” this to her?

Are you her mother or not?

From now on Larlo cannot go upstairs/ in your room.

How hard is that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just be straightforward and say she’s getting older and you are uncomfortable with her having people in her bedroom because it makes you wonder what they are doing behind clothed doors in your house.

Of course, they can always go to a car and any other place, as you know, but at least it’s not in your house.

Why is doing it in a car in the parking lot better than your house? I’d think the opposite is true.

Why are you okay with your kid having sex while you're at home? That is so disrespectful. If you don't get it, they you just don't get it. SOme people are raised differently.

Yes for you sex is ugly and dirty for other's it's an expression of love and committment. If you don't get it, they won't get it. Sad.

Anonymous wrote:I mean she’s 18, this guy is clearly an important part of her life, what’s your actual goal in saying he’s not allowed in her room? I’d be way more pleased that my young adult dd might be getting into a relationship with someone who she had a solid friendship with than trying to prevent them from being together.

This. Discuss safe sex and being respectful to people in the house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just be straightforward and say she’s getting older and you are uncomfortable with her having people in her bedroom because it makes you wonder what they are doing behind clothed doors in your house.

Of course, they can always go to a car and any other place, as you know, but at least it’s not in your house.

Why is doing it in a car in the parking lot better than your house? I’d think the opposite is true.

Why are you okay with your kid having sex while you're at home? That is so disrespectful. If you don't get it, they you just don't get it. SOme people are raised differently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 18 and will be a senior this fall. She’s had the same boy best friend since sophomore year. They’ve always been completely platonic.

In the past I’ve let this boy hang out in DD’s bedroom, even with the door closed. It’s never been a problem.

The boy has been out of town for the summer but they keep in touch through calls and texting. Lately ive had an inkling that they might be developing feelings for each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if they start dating when he returns this fall.

If they start dating I definitely don’t want him in DD’s bedroom, but I don’t know exactly how to present this to her. I don’t feel comfortable telling her that I think she might start dating her friend. I don’t want to push her in that direction. How should I proceed?

If they’re going to boink, they’re going to boink. It matters little whether or not they are allowed by you to use her room.

Yes, they will figure out a way to do it if they want to but why encourage it and make it easier for them? Allowing them to hang out in a closed bedroom screams, "Go for it, kids. Bonk away!"

Not really, it says that you did your job asa a parent to educate the child and trust her judgement.

Maybe they want some privacy to have a personal conversation.

Oh my God, come the F on. Are you for real? Be a parent. Don't be naive!

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just be straightforward and say she’s getting older and you are uncomfortable with her having people in her bedroom because it makes you wonder what they are doing behind clothed doors in your house.

Of course, they can always go to a car and any other place, as you know, but at least it’s not in your house.

Why is doing it in a car in the parking lot better than your house? I’d think the opposite is true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 18 and will be a senior this fall. She’s had the same boy best friend since sophomore year. They’ve always been completely platonic.

In the past I’ve let this boy hang out in DD’s bedroom, even with the door closed. It’s never been a problem.

The boy has been out of town for the summer but they keep in touch through calls and texting. Lately ive had an inkling that they might be developing feelings for each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if they start dating when he returns this fall.

If they start dating I definitely don’t want him in DD’s bedroom, but I don’t know exactly how to present this to her. I don’t feel comfortable telling her that I think she might start dating her friend. I don’t want to push her in that direction. How should I proceed?

If they’re going to boink, they’re going to boink. It matters little whether or not they are allowed by you to use her room.

Yes, they will figure out a way to do it if they want to but why encourage it and make it easier for them? Allowing them to hang out in a closed bedroom screams, "Go for it, kids. Bonk away!"

Not really, it says that you did your job asa a parent to educate the child and trust her judgement.

Maybe they want some privacy to have a personal conversation.

Why don’t you just be straightforward and say she’s getting older and you are uncomfortable with her having people in her bedroom because it makes you wonder what they are doing behind clothed doors in your house.

Of course, they can always go to a car and any other place, as you know, but at least it’s not in your house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 18 and will be a senior this fall. She’s had the same boy best friend since sophomore year. They’ve always been completely platonic.

In the past I’ve let this boy hang out in DD’s bedroom, even with the door closed. It’s never been a problem.

The boy has been out of town for the summer but they keep in touch through calls and texting. Lately ive had an inkling that they might be developing feelings for each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if they start dating when he returns this fall.

If they start dating I definitely don’t want him in DD’s bedroom, but I don’t know exactly how to present this to her. I don’t feel comfortable telling her that I think she might start dating her friend. I don’t want to push her in that direction. How should I proceed?

If they’re going to boink, they’re going to boink. It matters little whether or not they are allowed by you to use her room.

Yes, they will figure out a way to do it if they want to but why encourage it and make it easier for them? Allowing them to hang out in a closed bedroom screams, "Go for it, kids. Bonk away!"

Just set the rule. Say, this is a new house rule, period. No need to explain,
If my child was gay and had a same sex friend who suddenly became a romantic partner, I’d set the same rule.
Your house, your rules.

Anonymous wrote:DD is 18 and will be a senior this fall. She’s had the same boy best friend since sophomore year. They’ve always been completely platonic.

In the past I’ve let this boy hang out in DD’s bedroom, even with the door closed. It’s never been a problem.

The boy has been out of town for the summer but they keep in touch through calls and texting. Lately ive had an inkling that they might be developing feelings for each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if they start dating when he returns this fall.

If they start dating I definitely don’t want him in DD’s bedroom, but I don’t know exactly how to present this to her. I don’t feel comfortable telling her that I think she might start dating her friend. I don’t want to push her in that direction. How should I proceed?

If they’re going to boink, they’re going to boink. It matters little whether or not they are allowed by you to use her room.

Anonymous wrote:My DD is only 13 and not dating but we have a no closed door rule in my house already unless theyre in a group.
I don’t think it’s needed yet but I feel like start it now so it’s not weird later.

You should do no closed door period. Teens can get pressured into weird group sexual behavior. Or 2 kids go in the closet.

If the Mormons are willing to have a 3rd party in the bedroom so a couple can have sex through a technique called soaking, then regular suburban teens aren't going to let a 3rd person stand in the way either.

Haven't you heard of someone in a dorm getting it on in their twin bed while the roommate is 6 feet away and the roommate either pretends not to hear or decides to leave?

A group of kids behind a closed door is not the prevention you think it might be.

I never allowed my DD to hang out with a mixed group (or especially 1 boy) in her bedroom. We had an open game room loft, a living room and a pool. Those were where she was allowed to entertain.