Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am Eastern European. Yes, in some cultures it’s a part of the package. It’s totally ok for a woman to state that she expects a certain level of income from a man. It’s also totally ok for a man to divorce a woman should she get breast cancer - no one wants broken toys. Back home, doctors recommend women not to tell their husbands if they have ovarian or uterine cancer, just in case.

Never heard such a thing. Must be the Balkans.

No way. I’m from the Balkans and the men definitely have their share of idiotic macho tendencies but I’ve never heard of one leaving a wife over illness. Southern Europeans are *very* family oriented (hence their perhaps most extreme caricature, Tony Soprano—a pathological liar and murderer, was loyal to his family). Leaving wives with cancer is an Anglo thing.

PP again. On OP’s question, I agree it’s a matter of manners but it’s also not that smart of a strategy to only date above a certain income level.

Everyone thinks about their potential partner’s earning ability to some extent, because it’s a proxy for executive function and motivation. It doesn’t automatically mean they’re a gold digger. But focusing on it specifically seems short sighted. For example, I’d prefer to spend time with a school teacher over an investment banker because I happen to know both of those professional cultures quite well; but there are some exceptions—-jerks who teach and really nice bankers, so I wouldn’t have hard and fast rules about professional choices.

The same with money. Perhaps there is an incredible person not bringing in much of an income at all—I’d want to know why, and whether that was an indication of larger personality problems or some other acceptable reason (injury, or volunteering for great causes, or supporting an aging parent, etc.).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am Eastern European. Yes, in some cultures it’s a part of the package. It’s totally ok for a woman to state that she expects a certain level of income from a man. It’s also totally ok for a man to divorce a woman should she get breast cancer - no one wants broken toys. Back home, doctors recommend women not to tell their husbands if they have ovarian or uterine cancer, just in case.

Never heard such a thing. Must be the Balkans.

No way. I’m from the Balkans and the men definitely have their share of idiotic macho tendencies but I’ve never heard of one leaving a wife over illness. Southern Europeans are *very* family oriented (hence their perhaps most extreme caricature, Tony Soprano—a pathological liar and murderer, was loyal to his family). Leaving wives with cancer is an Anglo thing.

Anonymous wrote:What a weird question. Of course traditional women know that men should be primarily responsible to bring home the bacon, and women are responsible for the home and children.

Naturally, you help each other.

It is not traditional for women to be responsible for the home and children.
Study history more, the traditional 50s era housewife lifestyle is the first of its kind in history.
Women used to milk the cows, tame horses, butcher game and worked just as hard as the men

Traditional women who plan to stay home must have someone who can earn money to support both of you, plus a family, so of course they let you know and are more direct. It's not as much of a love match, more like attraction plus money.

You just need to appreciate her being honest. If you don’t like it, then find someone who lies straight to your face.

Anonymous wrote:NO. Please don't mistake cultural differences with poor manners. She has just demonstrated to you that she is not of the top drawer in her country. Wealthy and educated people the world over have manners, OP. She is a lower-class, crass person.

It's true that most countries in the world have more patriarchal societies than America and western Europe. This makes women expect a more traditional marriage, with men being providers, and women being burdened with feminine standards of beauty and behavior that might seem a little too traditional in the US.

But bluntly telling you that she wouldn't date you if you made less is never OK. It's extremely rude. Please don't marry her.

It’s always funny to me how DCUM, an extremely class-conscious (maybe obsessed) message board, does not immediately coalesce into a consensus when actual low class behavior is described.

Cheap handbags or cars aren’t “trashy,” you guys, OP’s date is.

Russian born woman here (we are stamped good diggers in the US). I was brought up that it’s a bad tome to ask about income. And it’s rude to tell a man you wouldn’t date him if not for his money.
My parents taught me to look for lifestyle parity: if I own a car and a house, so he should . If I have a grad degree, so should my man . And so on.

This is completely normal and honest. American women resent men who they marry if they make less than them.

No, most posters are confusing internal deliberations about finding the right partner, and what basic courtesy dictates one can tell a date.

In no circumstance should any date be so direct as to tell you what income level they're looking for. That's a no-no in any culture.

Practically everyone has certain minimums of achievement, education, earnings, looks, etc when looking for someone who is marriage material. But no culture is so brash as to say this directly to the prospective partner in question, well before it's time to talk about such things in view of marriage.

Your date was just rude. That's all.