Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you, these are all very helpful. We've been playing at the school playground and have already been practicing a goodbye routine. I will research the social story too!

At what point should I consider if this is more than age-appropriate separation issues? Will the teacher tell me?

I think it is worth scheduling a neuropsychologist consultation for your child, OP.

Did you go to any of the kindergarten play dates so he could meet other children in his school?

We had this exact same problem, and I even posted about it on here. Preschool dropoffs were awful. The key to our success was riding the bus. He was thrilled with the idea, hopped right on, and enjoyed the routine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child will be starting K at a public school. I know it will be terribly difficult for them to separate from me. Drop off will involve screaming, holding onto me tightly, and flat out refusing to separate. They are on the larger and older side for K, so a teacher will be unable to pick them up and bring them into the classroom. Any advice?

Red shirt.

I'm wondering if they already did and that is why the kid is "on the larger and older side for K."

And no teacher will pick up a child and carry them into the classroom. Absolute no-go.

Absolutely tell the school beforehand. My oldest was like this and I wish I had. My kid got a bad K teacher who made it much much worse than it had to be. Having an easygoing sweet K teacher would have made it a much better experience.

That kid is a teen now and perfectly fine, fyi, but it was a hard transition.

Anonymous wrote:My child will be starting K at a public school. I know it will be terribly difficult for them to separate from me. Drop off will involve screaming, holding onto me tightly, and flat out refusing to separate. They are on the larger and older side for K, so a teacher will be unable to pick them up and bring them into the classroom. Any advice?

Red shirt.

My first had a very difficult time for a month and then was fine. We had her walk in with the same person each day, which I think was the most helpful. Sometimes they did have to pull her away from me and she was always sobbing. It was heartbreaking as a mom (I was sobbing after I got home, too, and honestly I would have loved to more gently approach this but we didn’t have a choice - MCPS provides very little opportunity for exposure to the school & teacher with parents ahead of time).

You can make sure they know crying and feeling sad is normal and ok. “When I drop you off with X, you are safe and cared for, but you might cry because this is new and we will miss each other a lot. When you are done crying, you will find a lot of fun things to do and I will pick you up when school is over.”

Also, this was one of the hardest things my daughter went through. Now we reference it, when she faces something new and scary. “You’ve done a really hard thing before and now you’re really good at it - you are strong and great at overcoming challenges. This new situation is like that, it will be hard at first but will get easier.”

You should have considered BEFORE August.

Anonymous wrote:I used to work in schools and for kindergarten, the parents could stay as long as the child needed for the first week. By recess there were fewer than half a dozen parents in three classes of kids still there. By the second day, only two parents were still there for an hour. Indirect peer pressure can be a wonderful thing. Do not promise rewards or threaten punishments - he needs to get intrinsically motivated to be interested in the class.

Not allowed at our school. Have someone else drop him off.

I am very pro-school (former teacher, current pulbic school parent), but I do think some kids are just not suited for a regular classroom setting at that age. If there is no chance of an alternative arrangement, then you need to be ready on day one to hug and drop off. I hugely disagree with anyone upthread talking about waiting around, staying in the classroom etc. I'm sure that works for some kids, but for the ones it does not work for, it makes things 100X worse.

Get the school on board beforehand (reach out to teacher and counselor) and have someone there to take him into the building. You have to show your kid that you are 100% on board with them being safe and happy at that school. Any sign that you are worried about their happiness will likely make it worse.

In all my years of teaching, I only had one child who I thought should probably be homeschooled (due to separation), because the school just couldn't meet her needs. But I knew many kids who struggled with this, and some of them legitimately needed help from a therapist to work through the anxiety. In your case, given that you've avoided activities because they won't separate, I would probably go ahead and seek out outside help.

You’ve gotten great suggestions and I have nothing to add.

I had a kid like this. Hated being dropped off for preschool. Cried at the door nearly every day of K and 1st. Some days was literally dragged into the building. Then, in 2nd he just started walking in. No problems. It’s so tough to watch but it did get better.

Some kids have it rougher than others. This is a really big deal to go to ‘school’ all day long. Here is what worked for us:
1. Bought every back-to-school book available. We read about all 7 of these leading up to the big day. There’s even ones about ‘the night before such-such grade’. We would buy those each summer throughout elementary. These books became a ritual for back to school over the early years.
2. We role-played school with whatever figurines you have, e.g. fisher price, lightning McQueen, Barbie, teenage mutant ninja turtle, etc. They would leave their house and drive and get dropped off at school. Then we nicknamed a figure their teacher’s name once we knew it. The figurines went through a pretend day. It was gobs of 🤩 fun. They got the picture.
3. Once we got the classroom assignment, we mapped out the exact foot path from the entrance to their class on paper or marker board. This was an exercise in helping them to visualize. Heap lots of praise. ‘So proud’. Etc. Map other things like cafeteria, gym, main office, nurse.
4. Try to visit classroom a day ahead if they let you. The halls are calm and the class is not all hectic yet with parents and kids galore. You might have to arrange this but it helped with the visualization and to ease anxiety.
5. Lastly, pickup child immediately for that first week, if you can. No after-care or minimal after-care because they will be exhausted. Your kid is sensitive and will be holding a lot in to get through each day. Likely, more than others.

It will get easier, but you might have slightly more back-to-school nervousness than some others. Every kid is different. You can do this! The extra talking and prepping did wonders for us. Good luck to you both!

Lastly, buy “First Day Jitters”. Remind your child that nervousness is ok to feel. They are human. Even the teacher is nervous, if truth be told.

Read the book The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn

Remember teachers are experts at this. So they will help you.

My DC had a hard time. It was a surprise too.

Day 5 the school sent out a letter saying you have to drop and go, my DC was sobbing but I left. I hid and watched them on the playground. They looked for me, didn’t see me and went on to play w friends. It was all for me and for show.

Not saying that will be your child, but the teachers all were so kind to them and to us.

They might not be able to pick up, but they will still comfort them.

Mine was like that. Since he wasn’t my youngest, he was already well know. To the school and they were aware of his separation issues. We did a few things:

Preschool had a before school program. We enrolled him in that. He had no issues separating from them and by going there, he had time to adjust before the school day started.

Also I never did drop off.

We had a plan where I took him into the all purpose room where kindergarteners lined up. Each day I moved a few inches further from him and after about three months I could leave him at the door. I had a new baby and was on leave from work.

Sometimes when I’d leave the house, he’s have a really tough time. I stayed on the phone until we lost the connection because I was in a Metro dead spot.

Good luck. This went on for years for us and it broke my heart every single time I had to leave him.