Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son doesn’t seem to have any friends. I can’t tell if he is bothered by this. He is in organized activities and interacts with kids there, but never outside those activities. He is very quiet and shy.

How can I help him? (When he as younger we did social skills groups and therapy.)

I’m particularly sad today as I dropped him off for an activity and the kids were car pooling and all sitting in groups taking and my son was by himself.

I think the important place to start is to try to figure out if he's bothered. If he's fine, don't go accidentally making him feel like there's something wrong with him by being more of an introvert.

This! My son is pretty much the same. From all accounts he seems well liked and social. I’ve heard through the grapevine he even has a “girlfriend.” He gets a ton of homework plus is serious about his sport. He has little free time. But even the weekends he does end up to free, he never asks to have anyone over or go anywhere with friends. It’s fine. I truly don’t see any red flags and he seems happy and content

Totally agree! OP, don’t go looking for issues if there aren’t any.

My oldest was similar, didn’t really have friends, didn’t hang out with other boys. And it bothered *me* but not him. Didn’t change in college, and that he’s now an adult, he’s still the same. I can’t name one “friend”. But he is married and has started a family. He’s very happy.

What about social media friends? Those count too.

How many friends does he have on social?

Is he entering high school? My son only has one friend that he sees occasionally on weekends, but has a greater number of school friends (for lunch and to chat with) through robotics and chess club. A few of them have met up with him for small things for his birthdays, but they don't hang out regularly outside of school. Try to guide your son towards school activities that may connect him with other quiet, nerdier kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi op. Could you maybe ask around and get some other moms with same age boys to maybe bring them over for a playdate with your son?

Mommy of preschoolers has entered the chat! Teens don’t have play dates! OP’s son is 14, not 4! He sure won’t be making friends if his mommy is engineering his social life.

Go away judgy poster. Yes, often kids that age have their own friend group, but it's not uncommon for parents to try to broaden their kid's social circle if needed. I threw several parties for "families" where I invited parents and their teen boys who just happened to be my kid's age when I felt like he needed a better group of friends. The goal was to improve his social life (psst--it worked.)

Thanks! : - )

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I won't intervene! I know better than that. Part-time job would be great, but at 14 that has been hard to achieve. He dog walks for many of the neighbors but that is solitary.

I do offer to car pool a lot because I feel like it gives him one on one time with other kids, someone to walk into the building with. But I see the kids I know already have their groups.

I just wasn't sure if there was anything I could do that wouldn't be obvious. I hope he find his people in high school.

Just keep encouraging him in activities. It keeps him busy and keeping up his social skills, and when he’s ready he will make friends there. I was pp with 15 yo daughter with adhd. At the beginning of this year she started in dance classes (she had done dance at school before this) and at the winter recital I helped out and I saw her either sitting alone or with a much younger girl she knew from middle school. All the other kids were hanging with friends and chattering all over and I worried. By the may recital she had hung out with girls from her class several times and had carpools set up, such a difference. Her social calendar is suddenly full.

She needed to mature - I promise you if he’s adhd this is it. It will happen. And when it does - he’s a quiet non offensive kid no one has an opinion of. He has no enemies and people don’t dislike him. He will slip seamlessly into some groups. I watched it happen. My daughter says no one really knew her until now - which is actually helping her socially a lot. She is liked and has made no enemies, unlike my older one who matured early and had the usual middle school drama. Now that we are past it I see the positives.

He has adhd? If he’s quiet and shy with adhd I’m guessing he’s inattentive type.

That’s me - and my 15 yo. Social maturity lags in this presentation and he likely just needs to mature. I always had a close friend or 2 but never could figure out the social scene of school, it was confusing and I didn’t know how to connect. At 18 i kind of “got it”. My 15 yo luckily is a second kid and was a little ahead of where I was but did not blossom socially until this year, now she has soooo many friends.

High school will change him a lot and puberty will help - give him some time.

Introversion is not a pathology. I would suggest that OP borrow the non-fiction book "Quiet" from the local library and at least skim it.

Anonymous wrote:My son eats alone every day at school. I blame myself for this.

Why would you blame yourself.
Stop? He might not even care. The lunchroom is a mix of chaos and kids on their phones

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son doesn’t seem to have any friends. I can’t tell if he is bothered by this. He is in organized activities and interacts with kids there, but never outside those activities. He is very quiet and shy.

How can I help him? (When he as younger we did social skills groups and therapy.)

I’m particularly sad today as I dropped him off for an activity and the kids were car pooling and all sitting in groups taking and my son was by himself.

I think the important place to start is to try to figure out if he's bothered. If he's fine, don't go accidentally making him feel like there's something wrong with him by being more of an introvert.

This! My son is pretty much the same. From all accounts he seems well liked and social. I’ve heard through the grapevine he even has a “girlfriend.” He gets a ton of homework plus is serious about his sport. He has little free time. But even the weekends he does end up to free, he never asks to have anyone over or go anywhere with friends. It’s fine. I truly don’t see any red flags and he seems happy and content

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi op. Could you maybe ask around and get some other moms with same age boys to maybe bring them over for a playdate with your son?

Mommy of preschoolers has entered the chat! Teens don’t have play dates! OP’s son is 14, not 4! He sure won’t be making friends if his mommy is engineering his social life.

That word playdate is stupid at any age. Video games can usually get a few boys together.

I have a 14 yr old son and a mom recently texted me actually using the words “play date.” It happens! And I don’t care. It’s fine and I’m glad she reached out

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son eats alone every day at school. I blame myself for this.

I blame the school. They should be more vigilant in the cafeteria and have some other option rather than sitting alone everyday.

Our school has a space you can go to during lunch where kids can hang out.

The school can’t force teens to sit together. You can’t blame them for this at 14.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi op. Could you maybe ask around and get some other moms with same age boys to maybe bring them over for a playdate with your son?

Mommy of preschoolers has entered the chat! Teens don’t have play dates! OP’s son is 14, not 4! He sure won’t be making friends if his mommy is engineering his social life.

That word playdate is stupid at any age. Video games can usually get a few boys together.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi op. Could you maybe ask around and get some other moms with same age boys to maybe bring them over for a playdate with your son?

Mommy of preschoolers has entered the chat! Teens don’t have play dates! OP’s son is 14, not 4! He sure won’t be making friends if his mommy is engineering his social life.

Go away judgy poster. Yes, often kids that age have their own friend group, but it's not uncommon for parents to try to broaden their kid's social circle if needed. I threw several parties for "families" where I invited parents and their teen boys who just happened to be my kid's age when I felt like he needed a better group of friends. The goal was to improve his social life (psst--it worked.)

Encourage him to join clubs, and make a friend coming fall.
That one friend will open many doors!

What does he like to do, eat?
Invite a classmate to go to Chipotle or a sandwich place after an activity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi op. Could you maybe ask around and get some other moms with same age boys to maybe bring them over for a playdate with your son?

Mommy of preschoolers has entered the chat! Teens don’t have play dates! OP’s son is 14, not 4! He sure won’t be making friends if his mommy is engineering his social life.

That word playdate is stupid at any age. Video games can usually get a few boys together.