Anonymous wrote:I separated 3 weeks ago, after having been married for more than 20 years. Yesterday, I was sitting on the grass by the lake with a handsome man I met for the second time, kissing for an hour as if I were 20 again. It felt so good, so romantic.

how'd that happen so fast? did you know him before your separation? do you have kids?

I separated 3 weeks ago, after having been married for more than 20 years. Yesterday, I was sitting on the grass by the lake with a handsome man I met for the second time, kissing for an hour as if I were 20 again. It felt so good, so romantic.

I started dating pretty much immediately. Why wait? It had zero impact on my divorce (although check with your attorney, laws vary depending on the state).

I don’t get the reasons behind waiting. I mean, do it if it works for you, but the best way to get over someone is to get under someone. And it does wonders for your self-esteem. I was devastated when my xH announced he wanted out, but within a month my focus and attention were on much better men and I felt literally zero grief.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there children? That impacts my answer.

teens

Let them finish HS first. They already have enough trauma. They didn’t ask for troubled parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there children? That impacts my answer.

teens

Yeah, I'd go very slow. Like wait until the divorce is final. Wait to talk to them. I had SO MUCH respect for my dad that he floated the idea of dating by my brother and me before he just announced he was dating and had a girlfriend. Probably a big part of what made me so open to the one he has stuck with long term.

fair, but can't the parent date without the kids knowing for a while?

Who is going to want to date someone who is technically married and has three teenagers?

Anonymous wrote:After you are divorced

+1000

My ex was dating while we were still married, so he didn’t get any say in my decisions once I decided to divorce him.

I don't think there is a "right" answer. Depends on how long the marriage was... how "separate" your lives were within the marriage... presence/age/mental health of kids... degree to which divorce may be contested.... degree to which YOU feel ready.

This. Every situation is different.

I've been separated for more than five years! It took me more than three years to feel "ready" to date, partly bc it took a while to truly give up on my marriage. (When i asked him to move out, I truly did so hoping it would push him to address some unresolved mental health issues. No luck). But about a year ago we signed a formal agreement on finances, and I am now in a new relationship. Divorce on the way. Kids grown.

I don't think there is a "right" answer. Depends on how long the marriage was... how "separate" your lives were within the marriage... presence/age/mental health of kids... degree to which divorce may be contested.... degree to which YOU feel ready.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there children? That impacts my answer.

teens

Yeah, I'd go very slow. Like wait until the divorce is final. Wait to talk to them. I had SO MUCH respect for my dad that he floated the idea of dating by my brother and me before he just announced he was dating and had a girlfriend. Probably a big part of what made me so open to the one he has stuck with long term.

fair, but can't the parent date without the kids knowing for a while?

You think a parent will be able to get away with that with teens? I don't.

Anonymous wrote:Start the minute you both say separate or divorced.

No one willingly dates someone that is separated and going through drama. Heck no. Divorced, drama is over. Perhaps that person has been to therapy and reflected on their role in the divorce.

Start the minute you both say separate or divorced.

After you are divorced

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there children? That impacts my answer.

teens

Yeah, I'd go very slow. Like wait until the divorce is final. Wait to talk to them. I had SO MUCH respect for my dad that he floated the idea of dating by my brother and me before he just announced he was dating and had a girlfriend. Probably a big part of what made me so open to the one he has stuck with long term.

fair, but can't the parent date without the kids knowing for a while?

Sure, but the risk of it complicating a currently amicable divorce outweighs the benefits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there children? That impacts my answer.

teens

Yeah, I'd go very slow. Like wait until the divorce is final. Wait to talk to them. I had SO MUCH respect for my dad that he floated the idea of dating by my brother and me before he just announced he was dating and had a girlfriend. Probably a big part of what made me so open to the one he has stuck with long term.

fair, but can't the parent date without the kids knowing for a while?