^face matters more than abs. (Damn autocorrect).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your date actually say she had concerns about your history?

Because it seems far more likely that she just didn't vibe with you for whatever reason.

OP here. Yes I'll agree with you we probably didn't vibe. But when I have been on dates before, I always feel like they think there is something wrong with me because I am single no kids never married at this age. I understand it's part of the vetting process, but it's frustrating nevertheless because there is nothing wrong me I just didn't want to settle in my 30s.

“Not wanting to settle in my 30s”—what does that mean? Were you expectations unrealistic?

OP here. But settle I meant getting married having kids. Poor choice of word. I don't have unrealistic expectations. I many not be the most outgoing bubbly guy, but I am an introvert either. I think my issue is that I don't have that spark that can captivate a woman's attention. And this why I was hoping OLD would work for me because with OLD at least the first initial contact is not face to face. Should I get a dating coach? I'm getting kind of desperate and I don't want to be alone anymore because I have a lot to offer. I get my sperm count/mobility checked yearly, I exercise and eat healthy. So I don't know.

This is going to sound callous, but the choices you made in your 30’s is now baring out consequences.

Most rational women see the lack of marriage in your thirties as a fear of commitment and self centeredness. And honestly most men in their 40s who never married or had kids usually fit that description. You haven’t shown your ability to care for anyone other than yourself.

Throw in that you admit to being desperate, I’m sure is getting picked up on which is why you aren’t getting anywhere.

I’d like to give advice and not just criticism, but a person cannot go back in time, so you will need to put in extra effort to prove you have more to offer than a six-pack abs and a high sperm count.

DP. I agree with the above poster. You'd do better saying that you're lonely and want to find "the one" who can make your life a happier place and be a companion on life's journey than say "I'm finally ready to get married and have kids and be conventional now'.

I also bet nobody cares about your sperm count. Low sperm count is barely even a problem in the horrifying world of infertility treatment (of which I have personal experience). I hope you're not ever bringing this up...Great that you got it tested...but no need to do it annually.

Also your face matters more than your absurd. Not to be blunt. But if you are geeky-looking, the main value of muscles is so you don't look like a stick.

Because there is something wrong with you. Only you know what that is.

There could be other reasons that you are striking out w/women OP - - unless women are specifically telling you directly that they prefer men who have been married before ➕ have had children, etc…..you are likely simply speculating.

I just think the older one gets >> the harder it is to date.
No matter what your gender is.

Keep your head up OP.
Hopefully you will meet someone nice soon. 👍🏽

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your date actually say she had concerns about your history?

Because it seems far more likely that she just didn't vibe with you for whatever reason.

OP here. Yes I'll agree with you we probably didn't vibe. But when I have been on dates before, I always feel like they think there is something wrong with me because I am single no kids never married at this age. I understand it's part of the vetting process, but it's frustrating nevertheless because there is nothing wrong me I just didn't want to settle in my 30s.

“Not wanting to settle in my 30s”—what does that mean? Were you expectations unrealistic?

OP here. But settle I meant getting married having kids. Poor choice of word. I don't have unrealistic expectations. I many not be the most outgoing bubbly guy, but I am an introvert either. I think my issue is that I don't have that spark that can captivate a woman's attention. And this why I was hoping OLD would work for me because with OLD at least the first initial contact is not face to face. Should I get a dating coach? I'm getting kind of desperate and I don't want to be alone anymore because I have a lot to offer. I get my sperm count/mobility checked yearly, I exercise and eat healthy. So I don't know.

This is going to sound callous, but the choices you made in your 30’s is now baring out consequences.

Most rational women see the lack of marriage in your thirties as a fear of commitment and self centeredness. And honestly most men in their 40s who never married or had kids usually fit that description. You haven’t shown your ability to care for anyone other than yourself.

Throw in that you admit to being desperate, I’m sure is getting picked up on which is why you aren’t getting anywhere.

I’d like to give advice and not just criticism, but a person cannot go back in time, so you will need to put in extra effort to prove you have more to offer than a six-pack abs and a high sperm count.

We have plenty of women in their 40s on this forum who have never been married no kids and who focused on their careers. Do you include these women as well? Or does it just apply to men?

I don’t date women, so you will need to ask someone else. But those women usually always sound equally desperate and shocked that they missed the boat to snag a husband or have kids by the time they are ready to settle down in their 40s.

Again, sounds callous, but choices have consequences.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what are you going for now? Are you trying to meet someone to start a family with now? If so, what are you considering "too old" for you to date?

What were you doing between 30 and 46? Were you actively dating and trying to start a family and it just didn't work out? Or were you off touring as a musician or something and just putting off family life?

The context matters a lot.

So I graduated with a degree in petroleum engineering and from the age of 23 until 38 I was based outside the United States mainly in Africa Angola, Gabon and Nigeria and for a few years in Saudi Arabia. So I spent all my 20s/30s working in my dream job and still do but I am not longer on the field.

Are you used to relating with women regularly? Sounds like you were in a male-dominated profession in places that typical American suburban women can't relate to and where you might have been dateless. Are you screening for women who are interested in travel and foreign culture? Maybe you need someone who is open to seeing the world not a stay home and have kids type? There are definitely adventurous women out there who want to raise little globetrotter kids. Not b.s.'ing you - there are probably some laid-off feds and USAID contractors out there looking for a total life overhaul who might be perfect matches for you. I'm only mentioning the layoff situation because I bet a lot of those people are looking for life transformations/ reinventions right now and it appears you are too. Normally it might be offputting to date someone who is in a precarious financial situation but we are living through weird times for globally-minded professionals in the DMV.

Sounds like you might be an introvert also. That can make in-person dates tough. Maybe think about the venues you select? How about a trip to a Smithsonian museum and museum cafe date instead of just a restaurant? Something that gives a window into your interests or background while still being public and safe.

You may be getting dates due to your lack of baggage but there are things about your personality that are red flags. Describing marrying before 40 as "settling" would be one for me. "I lived with someone for 5 years and it didn't work out" would be more comforting. Are you blunt or awkward? If so, you need to figure out why.

Now I'm going to say something really awkward myself. I've known more than a handful of lame guys in love marriages (not arranged marriages) with Ukrainian and Russian women (met organically during work, study abroad, or U.S. study). An average salaried US guy is a real trade-up from men from their culture. Because of reduced sexism in the U.S. and overall more life opportunities. Just noticed one of these ladies is now a corporate VP of Comms at a multibillion $ corporation after meeting her husband in a very mediocre VA grad program. Worth thinking about. Absolutely don't get involved in scams...I'm just mentioning an opportunity area that might not have occurred to you.

Why would I want to date a man with kids? No thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your date actually say she had concerns about your history?

Because it seems far more likely that she just didn't vibe with you for whatever reason.

OP here. Yes I'll agree with you we probably didn't vibe. But when I have been on dates before, I always feel like they think there is something wrong with me because I am single no kids never married at this age. I understand it's part of the vetting process, but it's frustrating nevertheless because there is nothing wrong me I just didn't want to settle in my 30s.

“Not wanting to settle in my 30s”—what does that mean? Were you expectations unrealistic?

OP here. But settle I meant getting married having kids. Poor choice of word. I don't have unrealistic expectations. I many not be the most outgoing bubbly guy, but I am an introvert either. I think my issue is that I don't have that spark that can captivate a woman's attention. And this why I was hoping OLD would work for me because with OLD at least the first initial contact is not face to face. Should I get a dating coach? I'm getting kind of desperate and I don't want to be alone anymore because I have a lot to offer. I get my sperm count/mobility checked yearly, I exercise and eat healthy. So I don't know.

This is going to sound callous, but the choices you made in your 30’s is now baring out consequences.

Most rational women see the lack of marriage in your thirties as a fear of commitment and self centeredness. And honestly most men in their 40s who never married or had kids usually fit that description. You haven’t shown your ability to care for anyone other than yourself.

Throw in that you admit to being desperate, I’m sure is getting picked up on which is why you aren’t getting anywhere.

I’d like to give advice and not just criticism, but a person cannot go back in time, so you will need to put in extra effort to prove you have more to offer than a six-pack abs and a high sperm count.

We have plenty of women in their 40s on this forum who have never been married no kids and who focused on their careers. Do you include these women as well? Or does it just apply to men?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your date actually say she had concerns about your history?

Because it seems far more likely that she just didn't vibe with you for whatever reason.

OP here. Yes I'll agree with you we probably didn't vibe. But when I have been on dates before, I always feel like they think there is something wrong with me because I am single no kids never married at this age. I understand it's part of the vetting process, but it's frustrating nevertheless because there is nothing wrong me I just didn't want to settle in my 30s.

“Not wanting to settle in my 30s”—what does that mean? Were you expectations unrealistic?

OP here. But settle I meant getting married having kids. Poor choice of word. I don't have unrealistic expectations. I many not be the most outgoing bubbly guy, but I am an introvert either. I think my issue is that I don't have that spark that can captivate a woman's attention. And this why I was hoping OLD would work for me because with OLD at least the first initial contact is not face to face. Should I get a dating coach? I'm getting kind of desperate and I don't want to be alone anymore because I have a lot to offer. I get my sperm count/mobility checked yearly, I exercise and eat healthy. So I don't know.

This is going to sound callous, but the choices you made in your 30’s is now baring out consequences.

Most rational women see the lack of marriage in your thirties as a fear of commitment and self centeredness. And honestly most men in their 40s who never married or had kids usually fit that description. You haven’t shown your ability to care for anyone other than yourself.

Throw in that you admit to being desperate, I’m sure is getting picked up on which is why you aren’t getting anywhere.

I’d like to give advice and not just criticism, but a person cannot go back in time, so you will need to put in extra effort to prove you have more to offer than a six-pack abs and a high sperm count.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what are you going for now? Are you trying to meet someone to start a family with now? If so, what are you considering "too old" for you to date?

What were you doing between 30 and 46? Were you actively dating and trying to start a family and it just didn't work out? Or were you off touring as a musician or something and just putting off family life?

The context matters a lot.

So I graduated with a degree in petroleum engineering and from the age of 23 until 38 I was based outside the United States mainly in Africa Angola, Gabon and Nigeria and for a few years in Saudi Arabia. So I spent all my 20s/30s working in my dream job and still do but I am not longer on the field.

You MIGHT have an exception. What did you do from 38-46?

The guy is clearly a workaholic in a male dominated industry, he needs to find the female version of himself (surgeon, law firm partner, banker, etc). Or he needs to find a gal in her mid 30s who wants to start a family and SAH.

This isn’t rocket science. He needs better filtering. I suspect he’d do better getting setup by friends and colleagues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what are you going for now? Are you trying to meet someone to start a family with now? If so, what are you considering "too old" for you to date?

What were you doing between 30 and 46? Were you actively dating and trying to start a family and it just didn't work out? Or were you off touring as a musician or something and just putting off family life?

The context matters a lot.

So I graduated with a degree in petroleum engineering and from the age of 23 until 38 I was based outside the United States mainly in Africa Angola, Gabon and Nigeria and for a few years in Saudi Arabia. So I spent all my 20s/30s working in my dream job and still do but I am not longer on the field.

You MIGHT have an exception. What did you do from 38-46?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would prefer a divorced man with no kids at 45+. No marriage at all by that age is a red flag for both men and women.

I agree with a few exceptions. If someone has had a long health struggle or difficult climb out of poverty, it’s more understandable.

Also, a relative of mine took care of her disabled mom from age 17 to 37. She was not only unmarried, but a virgin at that age.

In special cases, there would be an exception. Her taking care of her mom shows a lot of maturity and kindness, which is what hopefully being previously married might screen for. I hope she ended up finding the love of her life.

Anonymous wrote:OP what are you going for now? Are you trying to meet someone to start a family with now? If so, what are you considering "too old" for you to date?

What were you doing between 30 and 46? Were you actively dating and trying to start a family and it just didn't work out? Or were you off touring as a musician or something and just putting off family life?

The context matters a lot.

So I graduated with a degree in petroleum engineering and from the age of 23 until 38 I was based outside the United States mainly in Africa Angola, Gabon and Nigeria and for a few years in Saudi Arabia. So I spent all my 20s/30s working in my dream job and still do but I am not longer on the field.

People seem to forget that in the matching process some people will simply never be paired with anyone. That's just how it works. They may be the most amazing most beautiful most interesting people, but there is an X factor that keeps them single. These people unfortunately may end up with deep depression thinking there is something wrong with them.

There is nothing wrong with them. There is nothing wrong with OP.

OP what are you going for now? Are you trying to meet someone to start a family with now? If so, what are you considering "too old" for you to date?

What were you doing between 30 and 46? Were you actively dating and trying to start a family and it just didn't work out? Or were you off touring as a musician or something and just putting off family life?

The context matters a lot.