Anonymous wrote:11. Especially in the age of Uber there is NEVER a reason to drive drunk. I would not require ceasing alcohol, just driving after having ANY. Even one sip. Get a breathalyzer installed on the car

Same. Our standing rule is no more than one drink over the course off a few hours to drive. Often it's none, one of us is the DD. If we both want to drink we just Uber there and back, easy. I wouldn't care he wanted to have drinks with his friends but I'd be LIVID he didn't just call me to pick him up or order an Uber. No excuse for getting behind the wheel.

11.

I would probably kick him out at least for the weekend. He could have killed someone or himself. I can’t even express how livid I would be.

From there, it would depend a lot on the context. Is this the wake up call that he has an alcohol problem? Or is a raging narcissist who only cares about himself? If so, proceed accordingly? Or is this “omg I had no idea the margaritas were that strong until I was half way home and couldn’t focus on the road. I can’t believe I did that!” In which case once I got some space and he apologized profusely and I felt confident it was a one off incident, I’d forgive him and we’d move on.

I spent my first job researching driver behavior with regard to DUIs. People routinely underestimate how impacted they are. When I was younger, I was hit by a drunk driver and was lucky to walk away. Another driver was not and that is burned in my brain. I have zero tolerance for drinking and driving. I told DH early in our relationship that I will never bail him out if he’s arrested but I will 100% pick him up if he drinks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not ok. In my house, if there is an alcohol event we pick each other up. We
Also do this for our young adult kids. It is almost never necessary but our practice is zero alcohol if you are driving so it happens on occasion.

I actually don't mind him having a weak light beer maybe two max while socializing for an hour after a golf round. He NEVER drinks while actually golfing. One of his friends just sold his company and ordered a couple of shots of whiskey while they were socializing after playing. They hit him while en route home. Thing is at country clubs, they will often make shots heavy, so those two shots of bourbon were possibly closer to four. He was thoroughly sloshed when he walked in the door.

Four shots of whiskey are not going to make a kid sloppy drunk, much less a full grown male.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In addition, would you demand he cease all alcohol moving forward, for a specific period of time, or not at all? Would your reaction change if he's genuinely not a big drinker and you're 100% certain this was an isolated lapse?

"Did you remember to buy milk? No? Well go back! Cmon!"

It's not a big deal OP unless he was speeding along on a freeway. You said yourself it's a rare incident.

So you’re good with someone driving drunk as long as it’s on neighborhood streets? During the day. When kids are put and about?

Not my business. Their body, their choice. Is it smart? No.

But I wouldn't ruin a marriage over something as trivial as this. Most people trying to say it should ruin a marriage have an obvious agenda.

Anonymous wrote:It’s never an “isolated incident”. Pull off the blinders. He has a problem.

Obviously there are actually isolated incidents. You just have some bias.

20 I could not be married to someone like that.

Twice in legal minute

If you are talking about “had 3 beers instead of 2 and was maybe / maybe not slightly over the limit” not that concerned. Like 5/10 mostly “what if you crashed or God forbid hurt someone.”

But if actually like drunk drunk that’s very concerning. Like 8/10 just slow embezzlement or abuse.

Anonymous wrote:It’s not ok. In my house, if there is an alcohol event we pick each other up. We
Also do this for our young adult kids. It is almost never necessary but our practice is zero alcohol if you are driving so it happens on occasion.

I actually don't mind him having a weak light beer maybe two max while socializing for an hour after a golf round. He NEVER drinks while actually golfing. One of his friends just sold his company and ordered a couple of shots of whiskey while they were socializing after playing. They hit him while en route home. Thing is at country clubs, they will often make shots heavy, so those two shots of bourbon were possibly closer to four. He was thoroughly sloshed when he walked in the door.

It’s not ok. In my house, if there is an alcohol event we pick each other up. We
Also do this for our young adult kids. It is almost never necessary but our practice is zero alcohol if you are driving so it happens on occasion.

Funny you ask because my soon to be ex-husband just got a DUI on his way home from golfing

It’s never an “isolated incident”. Pull off the blinders. He has a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How drunk was he? About .08? .15?

I have no idea how to gauge it in that way. Confident he was over the 0.08 limit but he was not like fall down drunk or blackout like a frat boy. He came home and was being loud in the kitchen making something to eat. It was obvious he was drunk. After eating, he immediately fell asleep for the night. It was only 7pm. 100% drunk.

Or….hungry and tired after being in sun all day. I’m beginning to think you are overreacting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In addition, would you demand he cease all alcohol moving forward, for a specific period of time, or not at all? Would your reaction change if he's genuinely not a big drinker and you're 100% certain this was an isolated lapse?

"Did you remember to buy milk? No? Well go back! Cmon!"

It's not a big deal OP unless he was speeding along on a freeway. You said yourself it's a rare incident.

So you’re good with someone driving drunk as long as it’s on neighborhood streets? During the day. When kids are put and about?