I don’t understand how home care is so expensive. Renting an apartment is say $3k per month; hiring a caretaker (not a nurse, just someone to make sure mom stays in place, who feeds her and takes her to the bathroom) is maybe another 5k per month.
I am friends with a state paid caregiver and she is paid about 5-6k per month to take care of a bedridden dementia patient. The apartment is section 8 in that case.

Anonymous wrote:My mom has been living with us for 4.5 years now. I was lucky to be able to quit my job to take care of her at home. I am considering placing her at one of the Avalon Homes in Mclean. I went to visit last year. They own a few ramblers, and house about 5-6 residents, mostly Alzheimer patients. My mom would not enjoy/ be able to take advantage the activities offered at bigger centers, so this setting is best for her. Monthly, the cost comes out to be around $7,500 per month with the highest level of care.

Here is their website.

https://www.avalonresidentialliving.com/

Of course it's lovely that you love and care for your mother so much, however would she have wanted you to give up your career to care for her? I really pray I never do that to my children.

Anonymous wrote:The above two posters so obviously don't have someone close to them who need this level of care.

ignore my comment - two others posted in the interim. Popular thread at this moment, I suppose

The above two posters so obviously don't have someone close to them who need this level of care.

Anonymous wrote:This thread simply reinforces my desire to die or be able to end my life before I end up in any stage or memory care.

Honestly, what are we doing as a society.

My MIL's sister is in one of these places. No one can visit her without becoming emotionally shaken because it's so depressing.

OP, I'm sorry. These exorbitant costs are typical.

If you are self-paid, there isn't any cheap option.

You can look for other options, but don't despair if you can't find a much cheaper option. It's okay to "die with zero". Saving for that goal alone is okay. Just not to be a financial burden on you and your kids, OP, would make your parents happy if they could think through it.

In rural or low-cost areas, the "rambler home" type approach mentioned above is more common and actually a pretty calm life. My grandma-in-law was in one of those for a few years. The caretakers were calm and did what was needed.

The miserable places are usually larger with more overworked staff and a less home-like, more hospital-like environment.

Keep care of your health, your family's health, and your retirement savings. At some point there really isn't much good in paying for better care in a facility. I would look to a family-based solution if there's a possibility to share care across people. One person can't do it alone in today's world. We spend too much time outside the home (e.g., we don't live on farms with all our chores and food work ready at hand).

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a scam you can get a nanny for 50-60k/year

It's not. Have you ever met an adult? A nanny can change the diaper of a two year old.

But someone who is six feet tall and weighs 200 pounds? It's a lot harder.

The CNAs at my dad's nursing home had to use a winch like device to place him on the toilet, because he would have crushed them otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:14k a month is very average in this area.

You are better off buying a mansion and having them live with you , don't fall for this scam

This sounds like a scam you can get a nanny for 50-60k/year

I think it is important to talk to parents while they are both in good health AND show them the prices of care even if they will not share financials with you to bring reality. also costs of agency in-home caregivers to do away with that idea.

If our our granddaughters at 16 earn $15-$20 watching children, you can see how prices for elderly with issues have gone up so. It is importantly to do the legal financial planning well ahead of the 5-year look back if it is important.

Also to have parents look at long term care insurance options. Educating on the costs of care, ways to pay and their resources are importantly in aging. We are 76 and 78 and do have LTC because we have a disabled daughter who lives with us who can’t be insured. Even with Medicare primary and LTC
Medicaid the future is so uncertain for her.
And frankly in many ways with the current administration it is uncertain for all of us!!!

I was in shock over it, but now five months later, it’s been money well spent. It was prematurely aging those of us doing eldercare.

I’m glad you posted this, I don’t think people realize how expensive it is.
We really need to consider universal healthcare, and universal nursing home care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread simply reinforces my desire to die or be able to end my life before I end up in any stage or memory care.

Honestly, what are we doing as a society.

My MIL's sister is in one of these places. No one can visit her without becoming emotionally shaken because it's so depressing.

Almost nobody pulls that off because by the time you have a diagnosis, you’re deep in denial/other coping mechanisms and you’re too diminished to make the decision ethically anyway.

This. My dad is like the PP. He would have rather died than have my mom care for him at home, changing depends and making sure he doesn't flush anything valuable down the toilet. And he would have rather died than pay $14k a month for memory care when it was too much for my mom to handle. But there was no point in the decline where he understood the full extent of what was going on and was still able to take decisive action. They said he had "old man dementia" and normal forgetfulness at first. Not going to kill yourself over that. By the time he was diagnosed with FTD he was already becoming child like.

The only option I see is to save enough money that you can put yourself in any facility and never have to worry about paying for it. And who knows how much that care is going to cost in the future because the goal posts are surely moving fast.

Does anyone follow Dan Salinger on IG? That seems the ideal set-up to me - if you have the time and patience. Because good gracious it takes extreme patience. Yet $14k is unimaginable.

Sympathies to you OP. I agree - reform is long overdue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she live with you and have care in your home?

No, I looked into that prior to moving her to memory care. I could have converted a room on the main level into a bedroom but my house doesn't have a main level full bath. And the cost of in-home care was actually exponentially higher than memory care. I know I should feel lucky that she was at the lowest care level until now but this stings. The increase is significant.

That is what I found a well. Home care would cost so much more than that per month. And that doesn't even account for home modifications to accommodate.

Anonymous wrote:This thread simply reinforces my desire to die or be able to end my life before I end up in any stage or memory care.

Honestly, what are we doing as a society.

My MIL's sister is in one of these places. No one can visit her without becoming emotionally shaken because it's so depressing.

Almost nobody pulls that off because by the time you have a diagnosis, you’re deep in denial/other coping mechanisms and you’re too diminished to make the decision ethically anyway.