Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More details about the hurtful behavior would be helpful. If brother and SIL did something crazy, I can see why you would be upset with your mother. If it was small slights over years, your mother may not fully understand and appreciate why you don't want updates.

Since the OP doesn't say that they are a baby or killed her dog, I think it is pretty safe to assume that they just said some stuff she doesn't like.

*Ate a baby

Anonymous wrote:More details about the hurtful behavior would be helpful. If brother and SIL did something crazy, I can see why you would be upset with your mother. If it was small slights over years, your mother may not fully understand and appreciate why you don't want updates.

Since the OP doesn't say that they are a baby or killed her dog, I think it is pretty safe to assume that they just said some stuff she doesn't like.

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t need to stop talking about her child for anyone, including you.

Do you know anyone? At all? Unless someone is a therapist, they're not obliged to listen to whatever you want to say. Sorry to break it to you.

Anonymous wrote:You ask her to stop talking about them, if she won't, you end the conversation. Rinse and repeat.

She's not a dog being trained, geez.

More details about the hurtful behavior would be helpful. If brother and SIL did something crazy, I can see why you would be upset with your mother. If it was small slights over years, your mother may not fully understand and appreciate why you don't want updates.

She’s trying to keep you two together by appealing to the more sensitive one of the family (you) but I’m sure she’s not having long convos with your brother where she goes on and on about you and he’s happily listening.

She’s trying to fix it. I have a very similar situation. I nod and change the subject.

What does she say when you ask her not to talk about them?

“Mom, I don’t want to hear about them. I’m not the audience for this, and I’ve asked to you about why.” If she persists, end the call.

I think it's worth remembering that aside from whatever issues you have had with your brother and his wife, and whatever issues your mom has also had with them, your brother is still also her child. It sounds like she's trying to keep you up to date about his life because she doesn't want her children to fall out entirely.

If you truly do not want to hear anything about your brother, you need to be really clear with your mom that "being cordial at events" is a polite way of saying that you do not want to have a relationship with your brother and don't want to hear about his activities in between. Without being really explicit, I don't think it's reasonable to expect your mom to just stop mentioning her other child to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a weird parent thing with some people. She forgot that you have a hard relationship but remembered that there is an emotional issue even if negative. So she tells you stuff because she thinks you are interested. My MIL does the same to her kids. Drove me nuts for the first years of our marriage where every conversation was about what my SIL did that week. And we have a perfectly good relationship with them. And then I overheard MIL on the phone to her daughter and it was a non stop monologue about my husband and me. She just does this as a way of making conversation. I prefer it over discussing people and her neighbors I have never met.

Omg, not to derail but my MIL does this too. It’s never just ‘I went to lunch with my neighbor Darlene’, it’s ’I went to lunch with Darlene, she just moved here because she got divorced and her son lives here and just had a baby, he has an older son too who plays competitive soccer…” and so on. Then acts surprised when I don’t remember every detail about these random people I don’t care to hear about to begin with!! LOL.

Can we have one thread where someone does not feel compelled to bring in her mother-in-law? OP is talking about her mother! This is her thread, not yours. Yes, you are in fact, derailing the thread.

OP is a troll, mother in law it up!

She doesn’t need to stop talking about her child for anyone, including you.

You ask her to stop talking about them, if she won't, you end the conversation. Rinse and repeat.

Anonymous wrote:That's a lot of drama You can't tell your mother what to say or what to think about. If you want to stop speaking to your mother as well, go right ahead, but she talks about them because they are important to her. Your hurt feelings don't change that

Of course you can. "Please stop talking about them."

Anonymous wrote:Well, you told her you didn't want to spend time with them, not that you don't want to hear about them. She may think she needs to tell you or else you'll never know. She probably likes to think you still care about the kids, since this isn't their fault.

And +1 to the idea that it makes her really sad to have estranged siblings and that she's trying to keep the embers of the relationship alive by speaking warmly of them, while respecting your wishes about time together.

This was my thought as well! She probably images that you were having frequent catch-up calls with your brother, but since you told her you’re cutting contact, she’s trying to fill you in so you don’t have to talk to him. I think you’ll have to tell her directly that not only do you not want to talk TO them, you don’t want to hear about them either. But you don’t care about their kids at all? Maybe it’s ok for her to occasionally update you about them? Either way hopefully she will understand that it’s hurtful to you to hear her talk about people who were horrible to you.

Well, you told her you didn't want to spend time with them, not that you don't want to hear about them. She may think she needs to tell you or else you'll never know. She probably likes to think you still care about the kids, since this isn't their fault.

And +1 to the idea that it makes her really sad to have estranged siblings and that she's trying to keep the embers of the relationship alive by speaking warmly of them, while respecting your wishes about time together.