Anonymous wrote:I think you need to drop the anxiety over what he is eating and breakfast. He should 20 min max for breakfast. Giving him all this time and stressing over what he eats; I think it contributes to more wasting of time and not eating. Even just a glass of milk (or chocolate milk) is “enough.” He won’t starve to death or not be able to focus, I promise. Set out his breakfast and then in 20 min, clear it without a a fuss or comments about what he did/didn’t eat and move along. Whatever he eats or doesn’t eat is up to him.

+1. Yes, I agree, having been through this myself. And he will not starve! DS is now 15. It’s hard not to make comments - but just don’t! I made muffins (the night before), or put peanut butter on a piece of toast/waffle, a yogurt smoothie, bought Cheerios (or Chex) to bring in the car.

They’ll be a lot of people who make comments (mainly from my family). I told them to shut up. I have SN son with medical issues so I know what “feeding issues” are.

He is still picky to this day BUT he’s come along way. We found once he was in middle school he tried more things when his friends were around. And it helped to have an awesome pediatrician who encouraged me that we were doing the right thing!

I'd have them eat in the car and get up later. No more than 30-45 minutes before leaving. They'll learn to eat faster.

Anonymous wrote:Cannot believe people are advocating for putting him to sleep in the clothes he will wear the next day. Ridiculous. That is gross for one. And two, he is capable of getting up and getting dressed in clothes- stop giving in and reducing expectations

Why is it gross?

Mine will drink chocolate milk and refuses to eat at home but will take the school breakfast. Whatever. It’s not the hill I choose to die on.

Cannot believe people are advocating for putting him to sleep in the clothes he will wear the next day. Ridiculous. That is gross for one. And two, he is capable of getting up and getting dressed in clothes- stop giving in and reducing expectations

I have an almost 4 year old and a 5.5 year old.

First of all - is he getting enough sleep? That's mission critical. A 4-5 year old who doesn't nap needs 10.5-12 hours of sleep a night. If you're having that much trouble getting him out of bed, sounds like bedtime needs to be earlier.

Then - the big thing I see here is that you're not enforcing what you say. It sounds like you're saying "it's time to get up" for the first time at 6:45am, and this kid is getting out of bed at 7:15am. So, you have essentially trained your kid that when you say it's time to get out of bed, what that actually means is - listening to me is optional, feel free to continue sleeping. If he needs to get out of bed at 6:45am, you drag him out of bed at 6:45am. With a non-compliant kid in this age range, you need to be ready to back up your requests, immediately.

I have, in my head, benchmarks of when these things need to be done. You need to be awake by 7:45. You need to be dressed and sitting down for breakfast by 8:05. You need to be done with breakfast by 8:20, and we walk out the door at 8:25. So at 7:45am, I go to the kids' room and anyone who is still in bed gets woken up and gets out of bed. If I have to drag you out, that's what I do. Then I stay and make sure anyone who isn't dressed is getting dressed. If I have to help them, I do. But you're not playing or doing anything fun until you get dressed, and if I say it's time to get dressed, then not moving means that mommy is going to dress you, which is what we call "the hard way" and it's not fun. If you're not done with breakfast, you get a 5 minute warning, then a 1 or 2 minute warning, then a "take a last bite" and then breakfast gets taken away. 35-45 minutes to eat is ridiculous.

You can't say "do this thing" and then walk away when he hasn't even started, and then come back 5 minutes later and say "I said do this thing" and then come back 5 minutes and yell "why aren't you doing the thing, come on!!" and expect him to listen. You've actively trained him that he doesn't have to listen to you! Stay there, and make him do it.

On the positive reinforcement side, if you are done before you have to start the next thing, you can play a little. So, if you're up at 7:30? Play. Dressed by 7:50? Play. Done with breakfast by 8:10? Play. Ready to walk out the door at 8:20? Play. That really helps my kids, as they want time to play, and there's really immediate natural consequences - get dressed fast, you can play! Get dressed slowly, it's breakfast time, too bad, no playtime. But you've got another shot at five minutes of playing if you eat fast.

Why are you forcing him to eat? Maybe he’s not a breakfast person. Let him learn to listen to his body.

Anonymous wrote:I’d get him to bed earlier too.
We keep toothbrush/toothpaste in kitchen to save dawdling time upstairs.
Can he eat in the car? If he can find stuff thats easy to eat but still filling/nutritious if he doesn’t eat lunch. My kid barely eats lunch too so I get it.
Does he like smoothies? If he does use a high protein yogurt to make a smoothie for the car.

We keep toothbrushes/toothpaste in the powder room and I know several friends who do the same. Once my DCs are up and fully dressed, they come downstairs to eat and there's no reason to go back upstairs again.

I definitely agree with all the PPs who say 35-45 minutes for breakfast is too long. It's turning into play time.

Absolutely no screens in the morning. Especially at meals.

Set a visual timer for 15 minutes. 45 minutes is ridiculous for eating breakfast, he’s doing it because he can. Unless he has swallowing issues, in which case talk to your physician.

Don’t force breakfast. Let him drink a glass of milk or a small smoothie. A Graham cracker. It’s fine.

I agree with the pp that you’re underestimating what he’s capable of. Set a routine and use the timer. “You do this by yourself in the time I set or I do it for you”

How long does he sleep when there is no set wake up time? How long does it take him to get ready then?

Is he getting enough sleep?

Sometimes people who have a hard time getting up have low BP or low blood sugar. Try bringing him a 4oz glass of juice to drink when you go in at 6:45.

If he is still sluggish in HS or later, a cup of coffee works too. It works for my SIL.

I usually do breakfast bars in the car on the way to school or camp. He gets a drink yogurt or yogurt cup at the house. We talk about how food gives us energy and how he needs something more than a breakfast bar in the mornings. I do pack a big lunch with lots of options.

I don't have a big appetite when I wake up, so unless he says he is hungry, I just assume he needs something to "break his fast."

I’d get him to bed earlier too.
We keep toothbrush/toothpaste in kitchen to save dawdling time upstairs.
Can he eat in the car? If he can find stuff thats easy to eat but still filling/nutritious if he doesn’t eat lunch. My kid barely eats lunch too so I get it.
Does he like smoothies? If he does use a high protein yogurt to make a smoothie for the car.

Anonymous wrote:You need to be really "in charge"/firm about this. Your dc is capable. I got some tough love I needed to hear with my youngest - he has CP, and we were having a really hard time in the mornings in preK, and I just thought he needed a lot more help than he did - but basically his OT, his sped teacher (nicely) told me he was a big boy, and I was underestimating him.

I forget what preK mornings looked like, but he just finished K. The school bus came at 7:45 (I think the school bus is great- a lot of my mom friends don't utilize it so they can leave later, but I think having a set time is soo helpful. It is hard for a week or two, but then a routine develops by necessity. Whereas for others I know the mornings continue to be a struggle all year, since they do not have that set departure time)

We had a picture chart with velcro tabs he could check off as he did them. Go potty, Get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast, get shoes. Then I would give him a sticker, and he would get to school, and his teacher would tell him "great job" if he had his sticker on. We did it methodically every day, and then he got to the point where he didn't need his chart anymore. Once he stopped using a night time pull up, that was also a game changer- he started wearing his clothes for the next day.

For breakfast- no choices, just serve what is for breakfast, and he can eat or not eat until breakfast time is over. You say he is not a good eater, but young children get plenty of opportunities throughout the day to eat. He will be fine.

My youngest guy needs a lot of sleep - he still goes to bed at 6:30 (it's been about 7/7:15 over the summer, but we will move back for the school year if needed). If you are having to wake your child in the morning- put to sleep earlier.

So much this. Sleep is a basic human need. Everything will be better if he is properly rested.

I wake up 20 min to get breakfast/lunch box ready then wake kids up. Lunch’s usually something ready to toss into lunch box or heat then pour into thermo jar. Breakfast would be things just to grab like yogurt, banana, string cheese, cooked hard boiled egg in fridge, and bread. Kids wear what’s for school the night before so no need to change in the morning. I wake kids up and have them go down stair, eating and remind them to put socks on. I set phone alarm to ring 10 minutes also 5 minutes before heading out.