Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Because I don’t think those parents get what we were dealing with - the disruptive behavior. They mean “Larlo was so forgetful and couldn’t do long assignments!” I get it but my kid has both versions. The forgetting may mean he tries stimulants in HS but it is way, way less of an issue than the early behavioral stuff.

OP here - yeah, my kid has the disruptive behavior but it is not an everyday thing. More at the beginning of the school year when getting adjusted to a new routine, the end of the school year with summer anxiety, and maybe a couple outbursts in the middle. But it is heavily dependent on getting a teacher who is able to manage and we can't do summer camp at all.

What are your fears about meds? Try to remember that we have pretty intense bias towards not intervening - we vastly underestimate the side effects of not medicating (which can be great) while worrying intensely about the potential side effects of medications. Your child’s sense of self worth is worth a whole lot and a potential side effect impacted by continued negative experiences with difficulty managing these things that may not be his fault. I know it’s tough. I struggled with it to. But may be worth considering what you’re worried about. Many of us find we wish we had done it sooner, most threads you’ll find on here you see parents sharing that

Anonymous wrote:No. They improved with a combination of meds, environment change, and age.

+1 for us we tried about all you can to avoid meds, but for our son with adhd meds was by far the most helpful. Sorry op.

Anonymous wrote:
Because I don’t think those parents get what we were dealing with - the disruptive behavior. They mean “Larlo was so forgetful and couldn’t do long assignments!” I get it but my kid has both versions. The forgetting may mean he tries stimulants in HS but it is way, way less of an issue than the early behavioral stuff.

OP here - yeah, my kid has the disruptive behavior but it is not an everyday thing. More at the beginning of the school year when getting adjusted to a new routine, the end of the school year with summer anxiety, and maybe a couple outbursts in the middle. But it is heavily dependent on getting a teacher who is able to manage and we can't do summer camp at all.

Anonymous wrote:I know adhd has different levels of severity, but when I read on here cases where a kid got all the way to HS before needing meds, I have a hard time seeing the issue. DS couldn’t be in preschool or elementary without meds - it was a nonstarter. My question is rhetorical; obviously I understand some kids have less severe illness. But it is so vastly different from our experience it’s hard to wrap my head around.

Because I don’t think those parents get what we were dealing with - the disruptive behavior. They mean “Larlo was so forgetful and couldn’t do long assignments!” I get it but my kid has both versions. The forgetting may mean he tries stimulants in HS but it is way, way less of an issue than the early behavioral stuff.

I know adhd has different levels of severity, but when I read on here cases where a kid got all the way to HS before needing meds, I have a hard time seeing the issue. DS couldn’t be in preschool or elementary without meds - it was a nonstarter. My question is rhetorical; obviously I understand some kids have less severe illness. But it is so vastly different from our experience it’s hard to wrap my head around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some ways, my kid’s childhood development “improved” in college. But, really it wasn’t improvement, it was just that he now lives a life entirely of his choosing and so he can choose to do the things that he can do well and just sort of dump the rest.

Like most adults?

No, like an ND adult. NT adults choose what they do well for work, but also go on to tackle marriage, parenthood, home ownership, personal finance, cooking, cleaning, etc. I imagine dump the rest means not worrying about meal prep/eating out, letting the laundry pile up (who else is it bothering), renting, etc. If the ND child does get married, they’ll pass these responsibilities onto their partner and end up on the relationships forum.

Anonymous wrote:In some ways, my kid’s childhood development “improved” in college. But, really it wasn’t improvement, it was just that he now lives a life entirely of his choosing and so he can choose to do the things that he can do well and just sort of dump the rest.

Like most adults?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would really encourage you to try medication. The difficulty that some kids feel trying so hard to manage themselves without it is incredible, and I truly don’t understand why people would not to give their child all the help they could. It’s sad how some unmedicated kids struggle so much and get negative messages all day at school about themselves.

This. I delayed on medication until high school, just because of this “try everything before medication” attitude. It was a huge mistake to let my kid struggle for so long and so much. Medication isn’t a magic bullet, but if you are patient and work to find the right one, it can be significantly helpful.

I think my kid’s childhood development - both academic and social - would have had a different, more positive trajectory had he started medication in 3rd grade instead of 9th. I also think he would have ended up with better self-esteem and confidence, which is really the critical underpinning to everything else.

What were the exact issues though? my kid has academic issues that I could see might be helped with a stimulant. But his behavioral issues went away with maturity and I’m not sure meds would have been the silver bullet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would really encourage you to try medication. The difficulty that some kids feel trying so hard to manage themselves without it is incredible, and I truly don’t understand why people would not to give their child all the help they could. It’s sad how some unmedicated kids struggle so much and get negative messages all day at school about themselves.

This. I delayed on medication until high school, just because of this “try everything before medication” attitude. It was a huge mistake to let my kid struggle for so long and so much. Medication isn’t a magic bullet, but if you are patient and work to find the right one, it can be significantly helpful.

I think my kid’s childhood development - both academic and social - would have had a different, more positive trajectory had he started medication in 3rd grade instead of 9th. I also think he would have ended up with better self-esteem and confidence, which is really the critical underpinning to everything else.

I could have written this post.

In some ways, my kid’s childhood development “improved” in college. But, really it wasn’t improvement, it was just that he now lives a life entirely of his choosing and so he can choose to do the things that he can do well and just sort of dump the rest.

Anonymous wrote:I would really encourage you to try medication. The difficulty that some kids feel trying so hard to manage themselves without it is incredible, and I truly don’t understand why people would not to give their child all the help they could. It’s sad how some unmedicated kids struggle so much and get negative messages all day at school about themselves.

This. I delayed on medication until high school, just because of this “try everything before medication” attitude. It was a huge mistake to let my kid struggle for so long and so much. Medication isn’t a magic bullet, but if you are patient and work to find the right one, it can be significantly helpful.

I think my kid’s childhood development - both academic and social - would have had a different, more positive trajectory had he started medication in 3rd grade instead of 9th. I also think he would have ended up with better self-esteem and confidence, which is really the critical underpinning to everything else.

Yes, we tried many medications from 6th-9th grade and stopped because the side effects outweighed any benefits and at that age DS said enough.

In elementary school, we constantly got calls for behavioral issues and it was a range of things. Medication was not a perfect cure and we also tried lots of exercise and therapy and combination of all of this over the years.

The hardest years were the beginning of puberty. Hormones made it worse, attention and grades plummeted, there more behaviors and meds were harder to figure out because his body was rapidly changing, in my opinion.

BUT this drastically improved without medication after 16.5. That’s a long time for you to wait. I think what helped the most, unfortunately, was going though puberty and a bit of maturity. ADHD is still present but DS has the maturity to understand what works for him, what doesn’t and strategies to compensate in school and life. He does not take medication, is going to go to college and has a part time job and can maintain and has real friends. The last is the biggest for us.

Anonymous wrote:DC at 5 was on red during kindergarten more days than not. He was asked not to come back to a summer camp mid-week. In 1st and 2nd, he got 2s and a 1 in citizenship, emails and calls from the teacher, we had meetings. A psychologist diagnosed him with ADHD and recommended meds but the pediatrician recommended waiting. We waited.

Then there was covid.

In 6th grade, it was re-entry year and pretty disastrous. In middle school, DC was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD by a different psychologist, and really started figuring things out. He finally had figured out the rules, and how to follow them. There were some missed assignments here or there, but post-covid the school wasn't concerned.

High school has gone well. DS is disorganized but doing fine. There is the occasional impulsive mistake but they are infrequent and involve normal sorts of things.

Yes, DS had behavioral issues in ES and they improved without medication. There was some white-knuckling, especially in lower ES, but by upper ES, things were beginning to smooth out.

Very similar path for my DS. I still wish we had tried ADHD meds because it was very stressful. OTOH I guess I’m glad I got to understand him better and don’t have to worry about med side effects. I also regret not getting different kinds of parenting therapy to help him manage his emotions - I was really just freaked out by the outbursts at school. But at home he was generally really good. I feel like I consulted so many therapists but somehow did not really stumble on DBT type concepts until just recently, and these really resonate with me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC at 5 was on red during kindergarten more days than not. He was asked not to come back to a summer camp mid-week. In 1st and 2nd, he got 2s and a 1 in citizenship, emails and calls from the teacher, we had meetings. A psychologist diagnosed him with ADHD and recommended meds but the pediatrician recommended waiting. We waited.

Then there was covid.

In 6th grade, it was re-entry year and pretty disastrous. In middle school, DC was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD by a different psychologist, and really started figuring things out. He finally had figured out the rules, and how to follow them. There were some missed assignments here or there, but post-covid the school wasn't concerned.

High school has gone well. DS is disorganized but doing fine. There is the occasional impulsive mistake but they are infrequent and involve normal sorts of things.

Yes, DS had behavioral issues in ES and they improved without medication. There was some white-knuckling, especially in lower ES, but by upper ES, things were beginning to smooth out.

So how many in-classroom years did he miss due to COVID?

Covid was part of 4th and most of 5th. For 3rd and the beginning of 4th, we were waiting and he was improving. We were still holding our breath from the suspension of 1st and the issues in 2nd, finally beginning to relax. (I still panic when I get a call from the school. Now it's mostly for his sibling who is in the clinic again.)

As an aside, being home for 12 months was rough. The kids broke 2 wrists, one head, the TV, my work computer. Etc.

Anonymous wrote:DC at 5 was on red during kindergarten more days than not. He was asked not to come back to a summer camp mid-week. In 1st and 2nd, he got 2s and a 1 in citizenship, emails and calls from the teacher, we had meetings. A psychologist diagnosed him with ADHD and recommended meds but the pediatrician recommended waiting. We waited.

Then there was covid.

In 6th grade, it was re-entry year and pretty disastrous. In middle school, DC was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD by a different psychologist, and really started figuring things out. He finally had figured out the rules, and how to follow them. There were some missed assignments here or there, but post-covid the school wasn't concerned.

High school has gone well. DS is disorganized but doing fine. There is the occasional impulsive mistake but they are infrequent and involve normal sorts of things.

Yes, DS had behavioral issues in ES and they improved without medication. There was some white-knuckling, especially in lower ES, but by upper ES, things were beginning to smooth out.

So how many in-classroom years did he miss due to COVID?