Anonymous
07/21/2025 06:44
Subject: Re:help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
Anonymous wrote:OP here again.
I am talking about one family in particular. I generally have an issue about saying No to people, it stems from some dark experiences in my past, I won't go into detail, but basically I am sort of conditioned to please people or think something bad will happen to me or the people I love. I think
***some people sense my weakness and even though they see I too have a full time job and 3 kids - they still treat me like someone who has all the time in the world to spare and help out***
when in fact we are juggling similar demands. It is something I am trying to address, but it is difficult - I can't quite shake this fear that I will set into motion something bad by saying no.
Op, they don’t “sense your weakness” or have some magic influence. You say yes all the time, so you’re their first / default person to call on. Why would they bother finding a sitter or calling 10 different families, when chances are high you’ll say yes and they’ll get what they need from you? If you stop being so available, and start saying “no” more often, they’ll start calling also on other people before reaching out to you.
Seriously, think of it from their perspective, if they know someone has 100% acceptance rate, why go elsewhere? You’ve conditioned them to reach out to you.
Anonymous
07/21/2025 06:38
Subject: help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
Anonymous wrote:No is a complete sentence.
Or say "Sorry, work has really picked up and I'm not as free as I used to be to help out here."
+1. And you don’t need to invent a reason.
Anonymous
07/21/2025 06:27
Subject: help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
Why not just do a 180? Don’t offer excuses. Ask for favors!!
Send them a text today asking them to give your kid a lift. Then dial it up on Saturday and request a sleepover—you really need a break and you are so glad you can count on them to help!
They will say no.
Then, they should feel ridiculous calling you for favors. If they don’t realize their own idiocy and persist in asking for your help, saying no yourself will then feel wayyy too easy.
Send them a text today asking them to give your kid a lift. Then dial it up on Saturday and request a sleepover—you really need a break and you are so glad you can count on them to help!
They will say no.
Then, they should feel ridiculous calling you for favors. If they don’t realize their own idiocy and persist in asking for your help, saying no yourself will then feel wayyy too easy.
Anonymous
07/20/2025 19:00
Subject: help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
Since your daughter doesn’t like them anyway, I would just accept that saying no is going to be the end of the relationship and be fine with it. Most people aren’t such users.
Anonymous
07/20/2025 18:36
Subject: help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
If one family is asking you for favors multiple
Times a week, they really aren’t your friends. What do you think worse case scenario is here if you say “no?”
Times a week, they really aren’t your friends. What do you think worse case scenario is here if you say “no?”
Anonymous
07/20/2025 18:36
Subject: help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
If they are constantly taking advantage of you then they aren't good friends and I wouldn't worry about them being mad.
Anonymous
07/20/2025 17:47
Subject: help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
Anonymous wrote:Trade in your minivan for a Honda accord.
Tada… no more space for other kids.
People still ask. We got a dog and put a dog car seat in one spot so we cannot take more kids.
Anonymous
07/20/2025 17:45
Subject: Re:help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
Anonymous wrote:OP here again.
I am talking about one family in particular. I generally have an issue about saying No to people, it stems from some dark experiences in my past, I won't go into detail, but basically I am sort of conditioned to please people or think something bad will happen to me or the people I love. I think some people sense my weakness and even though they see I too have a full time job and 3 kids - they still treat me like someone who has all the time in the world to spare and help out, when in fact we are juggling similar demands. It is something I am trying to address, but it is difficult - I can't quite shake this fear that I will set into motion something bad by saying no.
You need to think about the example you're setting for your children. Do you want them to grow up to become doormats too? If not, lead by example. The more you say no the better you'll get at it. You're not a child anymore - time to stop thinking if you step on a crack you'll break your mother's back - so it's time to be like everyone else with a backbone and say no when you need (want) to.
Anonymous
07/20/2025 17:35
Subject: help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
Trade in your minivan for a Honda accord.
Tada… no more space for other kids.
Tada… no more space for other kids.
Anonymous
07/20/2025 17:23
Subject: Re:help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
I had this issue come up with two families, neither of which was a single-parent household or was dealing with a health issue or any other temporary disruption or difficulty. Like you, OP, I had a flexible job situation, but having another kid to pick up/drop off meant more time in the car and less time for me to hear my kids debrief from school or practice. I learned to say no without offering any explanation. At most I said, "I'm sorry -- that won't work." I spoke in a friendly tone of voice and with a smile. After a couple of times when they pushed back, they got the message and stopped asking. They were not unfriendly or unpleasant about it.
Anonymous
07/20/2025 16:47
Subject: help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
That’s really unusual.
It’s wonderful to be able to help people in a bind or even a bad period, like a divorce or sick parents or whatever. But I think it’s really unusual for normal people to abuse that and you’re going to have to put your foot down.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to lie about work. Just say no or don’t respond.
It’s wonderful to be able to help people in a bind or even a bad period, like a divorce or sick parents or whatever. But I think it’s really unusual for normal people to abuse that and you’re going to have to put your foot down.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to lie about work. Just say no or don’t respond.
Anonymous
07/20/2025 16:45
Subject: help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
OP either you start to do less, or they start to do more. (Or both.)
Think about ways that they could be doing more for you. What could you be asking them for that you haven't asked them for yet?
Think about ways that they could be doing more for you. What could you be asking them for that you haven't asked them for yet?
Anonymous
07/20/2025 16:42
Subject: help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
“I’m sorry I can’t.” Via Text!
NO additional information or they’ll worm their way in.
They are the jerks not you. They’re taking advantage of your kindness.
NO additional information or they’ll worm their way in.
They are the jerks not you. They’re taking advantage of your kindness.
Anonymous
07/20/2025 16:20
Subject: Re:help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
Anonymous wrote:OP here again.
I am talking about one family in particular. I generally have an issue about saying No to people, it stems from some dark experiences in my past, I won't go into detail, but basically I am sort of conditioned to please people or think something bad will happen to me or the people I love. I think some people sense my weakness and even though they see I too have a full time job and 3 kids - they still treat me like someone who has all the time in the world to spare and help out, when in fact we are juggling similar demands. It is something I am trying to address, but it is difficult - I can't quite shake this fear that I will set into motion something bad by saying no.
Worst case they stop talking to you but then they were not your friends anyway. They should be offering help to you to make up for it. I hated saying no but I had one family want me to watch their three kids a few evenings a week. I did it a few times after another neighbor couldn’t but it got to be way to much and I had to learn to say no. People will use you if you dont set boundaries. Just say, I’m sorry I’m not able to help. Have a great xxx.
Anonymous
07/20/2025 16:14
Subject: Re:help - how do to politely ease out of doing too much for other parents
OP here again.
I am talking about one family in particular. I generally have an issue about saying No to people, it stems from some dark experiences in my past, I won't go into detail, but basically I am sort of conditioned to please people or think something bad will happen to me or the people I love. I think some people sense my weakness and even though they see I too have a full time job and 3 kids - they still treat me like someone who has all the time in the world to spare and help out, when in fact we are juggling similar demands. It is something I am trying to address, but it is difficult - I can't quite shake this fear that I will set into motion something bad by saying no.
I am talking about one family in particular. I generally have an issue about saying No to people, it stems from some dark experiences in my past, I won't go into detail, but basically I am sort of conditioned to please people or think something bad will happen to me or the people I love. I think some people sense my weakness and even though they see I too have a full time job and 3 kids - they still treat me like someone who has all the time in the world to spare and help out, when in fact we are juggling similar demands. It is something I am trying to address, but it is difficult - I can't quite shake this fear that I will set into motion something bad by saying no.