I used to wonder why lying and cheating went together even if they were about two different issues. What I learned is that people will lie and cheat who use this behavior as a go to way of coping with life. It's not the particular issue that frightens them but the default coping mechanism that moves them to use these strategies.

A "good person" does not "forget" to pick up his kid.

Only a "bad person" does that

Anonymous wrote:lol. It’s like my narcissistic sibling always touting that she has more empathy than anyone she knows.

+100

The biggest narc cheater I know says her superpower is empathy.

Anonymous wrote:

My first thought exactly!

lol. It’s like my narcissistic sibling always touting that she has more empathy than anyone she knows.

It sounds like he believes that people who forget to pick up their kids/whatever are "bad people" or that only a bad person would forget to pick up their kids.

This ignores the multitude of reasons a person might forget to do something. It also sounds like he comes back to this explanation a lot, as though he maybe doesn't think he actually is a good person.

Either way, this statement completely takes away from the actual issue, which is that he was relied upon to do something, did not do it, and did not communicate about it, all of which negatively affected you. Him making it about whether he's a good person or bad person completely avoids accountability for the harm he caused you, which, quite frankly, is a real bad person move imo.

Cheaterspeak.

I guarantee that sentence has come out of the mouths of Andre Byron and Kristin Cabot this weekend.

They compartmentalize and split. Splitting is a prominent feature of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Cognitive dissonance: their purported values don’t line up with their actions.

Anonymous wrote:

🤣

Agree you will just be playing into his belief that he's a good person and you are bad. Just walk away and realize he can't deal with the issue.

Sounds like your hubby has self-esteem issues.
Or he could be using this phrase as a manipulation tactic.

Or possibly both.
There is not much that you can do when he tells you this again - - I personally would just ignore it.
Do not let it make you mad even though the more you hear him say this pathetic excuse it probably does annoy you greatly…..

Anonymous wrote:This is the beginning of the end of your relationship. Find a divorce lawyer and end it. You married the wrong man.

+1

This is the beginning of the end of your relationship. Find a divorce lawyer and end it. You married the wrong man.

Anonymous wrote:Individual therapy for DH stat.

It's called splitting---he cannot tolerate that he, like everyone else, is a mix of good traits and bad traits.

OP and I googled splitting and it's an incredibly accurate description of how my DH behaves and speaks about things, but I'm alarmed to see that it's associated with borderline personality disorder.