Grief is fickle. Some moments you will be ok, and then you will feel guilty for feeling ok. Some moments you will have found yourself moving on, and then a wave of grief knocks you flat on your back. Even a year later, you may not be OK, but you will continue to live your life, because that's what you need to do.
I am sorry for your loss, and, your friend would not want your life to fall apart because of their death.
I would encourage you to find grief counseling (hospice offers this), to work through your feelings.