I'm assuming she's an adult here but different if she's still a kid

But ignore her go about your business.

If she should at you how would you handle anyone else in your life shouting at you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever just very, very calmly asked her in a quiet voice, “why are you yelling? We are all adults here. There is no need to yell. There is no need to tantrum.”

Hahahaha

+1

PP, you're out of your element. Be glad you've never dealt with someone like this.

Anonymous wrote:Having been through this, just know there's nothing you can do to please her. If she likes you, it's for her own nonsensical reasons. And it's temporary. She is mentally ill. Is she your brother's wife or your husband's sister.

I'd say grey rock and avoid as much as possible. Hopefully if she's your husband's sister, he sees her behavior for what it is and gets good about setting boundaries. If she's your brother's wife, good luck. It'll likely eventually explode, but he'll endure years of abuse and hurt others in the process before he snaps out of it.

This. Although it may not be mental illness. Or it may not be JUST mental illness.

She may have a personality disorder which almost definitely means that the only solution is to avoid her.

I would stop doing anything with her. If your husband wants to spend time with her, let him manage the visit and you stay home. She sounds like a nightmare

Tell us about her life. Does she have a job, house and family? Wondering if she holds the angry monster inside her when out in public? Your answer would dictate what I would say to her. And, by confrontation, I would leave the room when she gets crazy and say, “Are you always the victim?”

Sounds like she needs a swift kick in the clam.

Some people just need drama and will cook it up. I think it has something to do with the family of origin normalizing this or modeling it themselves.

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever just very, very calmly asked her in a quiet voice, “why are you yelling? We are all adults here. There is no need to yell. There is no need to tantrum.”

Hahahaha

My SIL isn’t as bad but has freak outs and I only react when they’re directed at or affect my kid. FWIW when I stand up she always backs off. No one else ever stands up.

SIL obviously sounds awful, and I’d be setting some boundaries about spending time with her.

While most likely she has mental health issues or is just a self centered brat…..I will say that sometimes families of origin (that aren’t the one we grew up in) can be hard to understand. For example, yelling at her mom about a sandwich…obviously is ridiculous- but is likely not actually about a sandwich. There could well be there are things happening behind the scenes between the 2 of them that you are unaware of….and husbands (at least this applies to mine anyway) are not always great at picking up on- or explaining to us- some of those things.

I have a BIL (DH’s brother) who is similar and after 20 years of marriage…It has become obvious that MIL/FIL are nearly as much at fault as BIL is, in the whole dynamic.

Anyway, I’d just stay out of it and stick to reasonable boundaries. It really isn’t your problem.

Having been through this, just know there's nothing you can do to please her. If she likes you, it's for her own nonsensical reasons. And it's temporary. She is mentally ill. Is she your brother's wife or your husband's sister.

I'd say grey rock and avoid as much as possible. Hopefully if she's your husband's sister, he sees her behavior for what it is and gets good about setting boundaries. If she's your brother's wife, good luck. It'll likely eventually explode, but he'll endure years of abuse and hurt others in the process before he snaps out of it.

Has anyone ever just very, very calmly asked her in a quiet voice, “why are you yelling? We are all adults here. There is no need to yell. There is no need to tantrum.”

And your husband dies not stand up to defend his mother when his sister is yelling at her?
Your SIL would have a reason to cry by the time I was done with her.

What kind of addict is she? Pills or alcohol?

You should tell your husband that you will never be in her presence again.