Call the Women's Center in Vienna, VA (703-281-2657). Tell them what you stated here.

I don't think yelling and insulting is enough to prevent him from getting partial custody, but I could be wrong. I'm not a lawyer.

My take is don't go to a hotel because that is a way to use up all your money fast. And then what?

You are going to need to think outside the box. If he begins yelling and acting up, load your daughter and your dog into the car and go someplace else. Have a few plans in place. Go for a hike now that it's summer. Go to the park and have a picnic. Stay away for a few hours to give him a chance to calm down. When you return home, do not allow him to suck you into another verbal exchange. You know your DH and that will help you step around his buttons. But if he is still spoiling for a fight and gets out of control, call the cops.

For the long run you will need to get your ducks lined up. The Women's Center will help you think things through and get a plan in place. A lawyer will help you with this as well.

Best of luck. Most of us don't enter a marriage thinking it's going to turn into this, but sometimes it does. I wish you a peaceful life once you get out of this.

OK, the abuser is clearly to blame, but please understand, the abuser is not ok in the head. They cannot change easily. They did their best up to now (call it masking perhaps), but now they are dangerous.
You need to get out, put that dog up for adoption or see who could take it. Clearly at some point you were comfortable enough with him to complicate your life with the dog. I never had such time. I was always on guard.
I left and rented a little studio nearby. My ex kept the kid from me, but since he was getting worse and worse (nobody knew about possible ASD), he finally became his worst enemy. Had he been mean to the kid, I would have recorded it and gone to police. He was mean to me, so I left.
He took himself out at some point and life is good now. You have to leave. I was the kid whose mom didn't leave. I suffered another 8 years til I was old enough to attack my father.
2 of you will fit into a studio while you are getting divorced. He will not want the kid even though he will act like he will in court. He can barely manage himself. Whatever his mental problem is, it usually gets worse with age.

Anonymous wrote:This is a perfect example of how it is always better to separate/divorce when a marriage is bad - - most especially when children live in the home.

Because sooner or later things affect the kids.
Always.

OP >> plz do not be so hard on yourself. ❤️‍🩹
You are not a bad Mom.
It is entirely your husband’s fault that your husband treated your daughter this way!

Is there any way that you can get him to leave the home so you & your DD can resume life w/o his abuse??

Well- I left my abusive ex in 2018 and now that my daughter is a teen he turned his abuse to her (not my sons). Though I have primary custody he screamed terrible things at her and told her to “go live with mom” then didn’t speak to her for months. I had to go pick up a crying sad scared 16 year old.

So- let’s continue to blame the abusers not the women who are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

OP forget about the dog. The priority in this situation is your kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck op. Just wanted to say that if this ever happens again you can call the police. You can call the police when someone is verbally attacking you and your child.

What do you say to them? I wouldn’t know how to explain it.

You say he is in a rage, he is screaming at us and we don't know what to do, we feel unsafe. When the police come you explain DD asked if he ate her cupcake and he began raging at you with the f word, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck op. Just wanted to say that if this ever happens again you can call the police. You can call the police when someone is verbally attacking you and your child.

What do you say to them? I wouldn’t know how to explain it.

Tell them that you feel unsafe. How old is your DD? Can she speak against him if needed for custody? Did you record anything ever? This is abuse

Anonymous wrote:Good luck op. Just wanted to say that if this ever happens again you can call the police. You can call the police when someone is verbally attacking you and your child.

What do you say to them? I wouldn’t know how to explain it.

Georgetown university law has a domestic violence law clinic. Students and supervisors represent clients. Perhaps they could help you with general legal advice or getting a temporary order.

Good luck op. Just wanted to say that if this ever happens again you can call the police. You can call the police when someone is verbally attacking you and your child.

House of Ruth is well managed, high quality, and provides housing and services for women and their children who are victims of domestic abuse. Please contact them ASAP. https://hruth.org/get-help/shelter-options/

Anonymous wrote:This is a perfect example of how it is always better to separate/divorce when a marriage is bad - - most especially when children live in the home.

Because sooner or later things affect the kids.
Always.

OP >> plz do not be so hard on yourself. ❤️‍🩹
You are not a bad Mom.
It is entirely your husband’s fault that your husband treated your daughter this way!

Is there any way that you can get him to leave the home so you & your DD can resume life w/o his abuse??

You are not a bad mom. You are a person in a difficult situation and you are trying to figure out how to get out of it. You didn't "stick her" in this - your husband, who presumably co-created the kid, did (and even if he's not the bio dad, he still did).
Being a bad mom would be joining in with him or being passive. Ask me how I know (abused by dad while mom didn't do anything and still makes excuses for him).

Anonymous wrote:Stop with the pity party. Which sounds harsh but getting caught in the mentality of "I'm a bad mom" "I failed her" etc will do nothing except cause more inaction. Yep, fine, you messed up. But you can't go back and change things so the only thing you can do is move forward.

1. You can't afford the dog. I'm sorry and I would be sobbing if I had to give up my dog. But the reality is every single penny you have needs to be put into getting you and your daughter into a safe situation. And dog food, vet, and all the other dog expenses are not a luxury you can have. If your husband treats the dog fine, the dog stays with him.

2. You call a hotline. Now. No putting it off. That's where the pity party prevents you from acting.

3. If you have joint expenses right now, use them to go stay in a hotel for a week.

I called the hotline. It wasn’t a great experience and I know they were doing their best and maybe I was explaining things poorly, too. It used up whatever courage I had left.

I am pulling together important documents tonight while my DD is at her sleepover and trying to get all of my financial stuff downloaded as soon as I type this update. I’m worried about that part and making sure I can screenshot and get PDFs of every possible thing.

I found a hotel for check in tomorrow through next Friday. I am working on a plan for DD to get her to her regular summer morning activity and then have a place for her to go in the afternoons that will feel normal. That is the part the hotline was not very helpful with and I’m confused about whether taking her out of the house will have legal consequences for me later.

I have access to my own credit cards but it looks like he has moved money from our joint checking account. So I think I need to be really careful with cash and plan out how I might use my credit cards. I was able to move $2k to an account he can’t touch as soon as I saw our checking so that is the cash I have, plus some emergency cash in my possession that he doesn’t know about.

There is plenty of other money in both our names that he can’t move without me approving it and the reverse is also true, so those funds are irrelevant.

The dog isn’t staying with him. I’m calling the boarding place in the morning but the backup is that he might be able to go to a friend from grad school’s house.

Leave the dog. Your DD has to come first. Don’t stay there because you can’t find a place to take the dog. Seriously.

Anonymous wrote:Stop with the pity party. Which sounds harsh but getting caught in the mentality of "I'm a bad mom" "I failed her" etc will do nothing except cause more inaction. Yep, fine, you messed up. But you can't go back and change things so the only thing you can do is move forward.

1. You can't afford the dog. I'm sorry and I would be sobbing if I had to give up my dog. But the reality is every single penny you have needs to be put into getting you and your daughter into a safe situation. And dog food, vet, and all the other dog expenses are not a luxury you can have. If your husband treats the dog fine, the dog stays with him.

2. You call a hotline. Now. No putting it off. That's where the pity party prevents you from acting.

3. If you have joint expenses right now, use them to go stay in a hotel for a week.

Harsh. But fair.

Stop with the pity party. Which sounds harsh but getting caught in the mentality of "I'm a bad mom" "I failed her" etc will do nothing except cause more inaction. Yep, fine, you messed up. But you can't go back and change things so the only thing you can do is move forward.

1. You can't afford the dog. I'm sorry and I would be sobbing if I had to give up my dog. But the reality is every single penny you have needs to be put into getting you and your daughter into a safe situation. And dog food, vet, and all the other dog expenses are not a luxury you can have. If your husband treats the dog fine, the dog stays with him.

2. You call a hotline. Now. No putting it off. That's where the pity party prevents you from acting.

3. If you have joint expenses right now, use them to go stay in a hotel for a week.