I think it's no big deal. They're 9! If the parent had just left, it's not an issue to me.

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the replies in here actually. 9yo are 4th/5th grade absolutely capable of being home alone.

Leaving your own kid home alone for an hour at 9 is fine. Leaving someone else’s kid alone is not fine.

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the replies in here actually. 9yo are 4th/5th grade absolutely capable of being home alone.

I think most people are agreeing that it is fine for kids that age to be alone, but not while hosting friends when it has not been cleared by the friend’s parent. 9 is too young to just assume that is OK, without asking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

This. Not okay.

This whole scenario seems so weird to me. Are you sure an older sibling wasn’t home or something? Or is the gym something like “neighborhood fitness center” down the street? (like some condo complexes or gated communities sometimes have). Which would still be leaving them alone but maybe would make more sense. My DD’s BFF lives in a community with a pool and fitness center down the street and in elementary, the mom asked if I minded if the girls were alone for a bit while she walked younger sib to and from summer swim practice (fine- it was like 5 houses distance away).

Otherwise my best guess is you texted that you were on your way, so the mom felt free to leave since it was only a few minutes? Which she shouldn’t have but…i could see how she might think it wasn’t a big deal.

Many people leave their own 9 year olds alone but generally not with friends over. And definitely not without clearing it with the parent.

This is an completely frivolous reason to leave and so irresponsible and unnecessary. Do whatecer you want with your own kid. If there's another kid there, other parents need to be informed.

I’m surprised by the replies in here actually. 9yo are 4th/5th grade absolutely capable of being home alone.

If the mom is otherwise pretty normal, then I'd favor having a conversation with her about it. There's too much ghosting or not talking to people about difficult topics. I'm not say you are doing that, but shifting to only letting the girl come to your home without saying why will leave open questions and create confusion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

I don’t think it’s ridiculous. I might be fine leaving my own kid alone at nine as I was as a kid but I wasn’t allowed to have friends over and I would not leave somebody else’s nine year old in my home without telling a parent.

Anonymous wrote:I left my kid at 9 but not to go to the gym and certainly not if friends were there.
Even now, DD is 13, if a friend is coming over and I might be out for some of the time I let the parent know.
Not sure what you can really say though other than to let you know if she needs to leave and tbat her kid is welcome at your house.

Did the mom not know you were coming?
No sitter if older sibling in the house? grandma?

Exactly this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Surely you realize this is very out of the norm at age 9 though??

I could definitely leave my own kid alone for an hour at age 9 if I was going to be nearby at the store or gym. I probably wouldn’t even truly care that much in OP’s situation (not really worried at all that any harm would come to my kid in that situation). BUT I know full well that my take is somewhat unusual among other parents- and that the assumption is definitely that there will be a parent home at age 9. So I would never in a million years leave when my kid had a friend over at that age.

I think I’d be worried about what other norms this parent didn’t follow and how it could affect my kid- so it would make me nervous for that reason.

Were you late picking your daughter up? I'm not saying that makes this ok! But I'm imagining a situation where the other mom is being passive aggressive about your lateness and decides, "I'm just going to go about my plans, then."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

+1

I’d be fine with leaving my own kid at 9 to go to the gym (depending) but definitely not when a friend is over!

Age 9 is definitely a “parents are assumed to be home the whole time unless stated otherwise” age. If there was some type of situation where she was going to leave the girls for a short time, she should’ve texted to ask. “Hey my yoga class starts at 10 and I know you planned to pick up also at 10. I need to leave at 9:45- the girls will be alone for a few minutes if that is ok, or you can just pick up early if you prefer” or whatever.

Assuming there was no misinterpretation, I wouldn’t say anything (what good would that do?) but wouldn’t let my DD go their house anymore. The other girl would obviously continue to be welcome at ours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.