High level of irritation at him for what he does and doesn't do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:- goes on work trips and do not miss at all
- overall resentment towards him in general, no romantic or warm and fuzzy feelings
- do not want to be touched by him
- do not feel at all loved by him


This is years after him making decisions that showed he prioritized the family the lowest compared to his extended family and his job. Is this it, time to leave? we have kids

We found our way back from this. DH is the one who asked for counseling and picked our therapist, so he was internally motivated to change. His issue was loss of intimacy; mine was more like your list. We are in a good place right now, and we will continue going to counseling for the foreseeable future because it is working.

Not op, but can you share your therapist or how you found them? What kind of work do you do in sessions? Do they use a book or mostly talking?

Anonymous wrote:Well today my husband said that AI is going to destroy all of our jobs and that we need to save our children by selling our house, quitting our jobs and starting a farm to live off the land because northern Virginia is full of type A a**holes and he can’t take it anymore. Mind you, we moved here almost 15 years ago because he couldn’t take living in a small town and thought our place of employment would close and we’d be doomed.

I make $250k a year and can afford our house, so he can do wtf he wants. He can either get some much needed therapy or not. I really don’t care anymore.

I think we’re married to the same man.

I think I fall in and out of love with my husband 20 times a day (and vice versa I’m sure). We are two unique people running a household and raising three kids together and that requires a lot of partnership and communication.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you described it! Plus, he avoids any and all problems, will gaslight or avoid me so he doesn’t have to acknowledge said problems and has done (and failed to do) a million things over the years that have caused my resentment to reach such a high level that his very existence annoys me beyond belief.

We’re in the process of separating but, because he always avoids things, he is dragging his feet every step of the way.

Many women are too emotional to have a rational conversation. Hence husbands avoid them

Spot friggin on!

Anonymous wrote:OP, you described it! Plus, he avoids any and all problems, will gaslight or avoid me so he doesn’t have to acknowledge said problems and has done (and failed to do) a million things over the years that have caused my resentment to reach such a high level that his very existence annoys me beyond belief.

We’re in the process of separating but, because he always avoids things, he is dragging his feet every step of the way.

Many women are too emotional to have a rational conversation. Hence husbands avoid them

Anonymous wrote:DH take-

Resentment is never one sided, I am guessing both of you feel unheard and under appreciated. The migration of his focus to work and extended family may be because that is where he feels respected and appreciated.

I’m not saying he is right in his treatment of you, but fixing your relationship will require both of you to be empathetic and listen to the other partner’s perspective, forgive and make changes or you are destined to breakup the family. If either of you is not willing to be personally accountable for your part in the degradation of the relationship, then the best you can hope for is the status quo.

I hope you can work on it for your kids because it doesn’t sound like a peaceful existence for anyone involved right now.

Alternatively, some individuals truly lack character. They will destroy anyone or even their marriage to protect their external image and ego.

And don’t get anyone started on putting your family of original and your job ahead of your spouse and kids.

In no way is the above a “mutual” development. One is escalating problems whilst the other is upset, hurt, and then angry and hopeless.

Anonymous wrote:Well today my husband said that AI is going to destroy all of our jobs and that we need to save our children by selling our house, quitting our jobs and starting a farm to live off the land because northern Virginia is full of type A a**holes and he can’t take it anymore. Mind you, we moved here almost 15 years ago because he couldn’t take living in a small town and thought our place of employment would close and we’d be doomed.

I make $250k a year and can afford our house, so he can do wtf he wants. He can either get some much needed therapy or not. I really don’t care anymore.

My husband went through this s!it around the last recession. I refused to entertain these ideas. I think it's a midlife crisis thing and was due also to worrying about the world. Today it's AI. In the past, it was something else. I would have split up if he insisted.

Holy moly yuck to all of the above. Good riddance to them.

OP, you described it! Plus, he avoids any and all problems, will gaslight or avoid me so he doesn’t have to acknowledge said problems and has done (and failed to do) a million things over the years that have caused my resentment to reach such a high level that his very existence annoys me beyond belief.

We’re in the process of separating but, because he always avoids things, he is dragging his feet every step of the way.

Well today my husband said that AI is going to destroy all of our jobs and that we need to save our children by selling our house, quitting our jobs and starting a farm to live off the land because northern Virginia is full of type A a**holes and he can’t take it anymore. Mind you, we moved here almost 15 years ago because he couldn’t take living in a small town and thought our place of employment would close and we’d be doomed.

I make $250k a year and can afford our house, so he can do wtf he wants. He can either get some much needed therapy or not. I really don’t care anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Praying he'd have to work late and not come home

Physically recoiling at his touch

Panic when we were alone and expected to converse or hang out (dates etc)

Ewww. You’re repulsed by that husband of yours.

Divorce darling.

Will be finalized next month!

Anonymous wrote:Praying he'd have to work late and not come home

Physically recoiling at his touch

Panic when we were alone and expected to converse or hang out (dates etc)

Ewww. You’re repulsed by that husband of yours.

Divorce darling.

Anonymous wrote:- goes on work trips and do not miss at all
- overall resentment towards him in general, no romantic or warm and fuzzy feelings
- do not want to be touched by him
- do not feel at all loved by him


This is years after him making decisions that showed he prioritized the family the lowest compared to his extended family and his job. Is this it, time to leave? we have kids

How does he respond if you ask to see a marriage therapist? Does he want the marriage to improve? Does he show signs that he still cares about you and wants you to be happy? If there's a glimmer of hope, since you have such young kids, I would fight to improve your marriage before throwing out the D word.

Anonymous wrote:- goes on work trips and do not miss at all
- overall resentment towards him in general, no romantic or warm and fuzzy feelings
- do not want to be touched by him
- do not feel at all loved by him


This is years after him making decisions that showed he prioritized the family the lowest compared to his extended family and his job. Is this it, time to leave? we have kids

I guess you have to weigh how well you think he'll take care of the kids when they're with him (their ages matter) against how much you can't stand being around him. Then there's the money aspect as well.

I don't think I could be in the same house as someone I resented so much, but I also can't stand conflict (although I'm a lawyer). Yours is maybe borderline? Not missing him shows you're detached but I could live with that. Overall resentment - would that fade if he wasn't in the same house as you? For the sake of my kids, assuming it was best for them, I could probably live without romance or warm and fuzzy feelings although there would still have to be mutual respect and like - I couldn't have disdain present with my kids in the house. Not wanting to be touched, seems like I could live like that if we were really cordial/borderline friendly. Not feeling loved, same thing. I'd hope to never feel any of those things, but our friends are getting divorced and it made me think about how much I'd put up with for my kids. My tolerance is pretty low and my husband and I definitely argue but we do not yell, call each other names, etc.