About 50% of my relatives are completely nuts and stress everyone else out.

Anonymous wrote:OP do your parents have money? If so, outsource until you find the sweet spot where You feel OK visiting and helping some, but you don't feel drained, exhausted/sick/burned out. Also, with your brother absolutely outsource. if there will be no money, is he on SSI at least? Find out what programs are available to him. I find with my volatile sister, she behaves better for outsiders and when she doesn't behave she deals with far more consequences and shame. It's easier to manage from a distance. You check in on him and check in with a case manager, but don't engage with the emotional volatility.

No, my parents don’t have money. The only asset they had was their primary home and we sold that a decade ago. They are currently living in a house we own. Both my parents and brother are on Medicaid. My dad qualifies for 60 hours of homecare, which may sound like a lot but he needs 24-7 care. My mom has her own health problems and is not able to physically care for my dad.

My MIL. Always rude, prickly, passive-aggressive and unkind. Has angered and cut ties with so many people in her life due to her caustic behavior. Took me a long time and therapy to realize that she likely has a personality disorder and that I’m not her only “enemy.”

Feel like a monster saying this, but she’s actually easier to deal with now that she has developed a dementia-related speech disorder.
In fact, we all noticed this marked personality change - initially enjoyed her suddenly quiet nature but soon learned it was a sign of cognitive decline. She’s also forgotten her abrasive personality and subsequently, our fractured relationship - and has asked me why we don’t get together very often.

OP do your parents have money? If so, outsource until you find the sweet spot where You feel OK visiting and helping some, but you don't feel drained, exhausted/sick/burned out. Also, with your brother absolutely outsource. if there will be no money, is he on SSI at least? Find out what programs are available to him. I find with my volatile sister, she behaves better for outsiders and when she doesn't behave she deals with far more consequences and shame. It's easier to manage from a distance. You check in on him and check in with a case manager, but don't engage with the emotional volatility.

I have two sisters and one of them stresses me out- always feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her. I've learned over time to just keep things as light and breezy as possible and let her call the shots to keep the peace. It's so different from my other sister with whom I can have honest conversations without constantly being worried I'll offend.

I would say no family is perfect, no matter what they look like from the outside (except the ones in the Norman Rockwell paintings). Learned this in my mid-twenties, and life was much smoother after that.

Humans are quirky, weird, broken, mean, and fortunately, some are pretty awesome. Families are made up of all kinds.

My family of origin is bold, brash, quirky, and I love every bit of them. Growing up, I just wanted them to be normal like all the other families. Over time I learned that some of the families I thought were normal, were anything but (bankrupt, abusive, alcoholic, and more).

I'm at the point where our kids are launched, one set of grandparents passed a long time ago (kids were in ES) and the other set of grandparents are needing help and support. Fortunately, I'm able to help, but the challenges they are facing as they grow older and their bodies and minds continue to change, are incredibly difficult for them, and me trying to help

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my mother. She has a paranoia where she thinks everyone is out to get her personally. Everything from Comcast, banks, airlines, family members, cleaning people, etc. She has burned many bridges as a result. It is exhausting.

My MIL is like this and it's becoming increasingly problematic now that FIL has Alzheimer's and other health issues and they need more help. She's so paranid and distrustful of everyone. Even with their finances- they have plenty of money but have it split up with differnt investors because she's so afraid someone will "run off" with the money. It's all causing unecessary stress for DH and his sister.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my mother. She has a paranoia where she thinks everyone is out to get her personally. Everything from Comcast, banks, airlines, family members, cleaning people, etc. She has burned many bridges as a result. It is exhausting.

My sister is like this. I am sorry you have to endure this.

Anonymous wrote:We have outside help. A few have quit over the years and I suspect a lot has to do with my brother.

Does your brother work outside the home? How old is he?

We have outside help. A few have quit over the years and I suspect a lot has to do with my brother.

It’s probably me. However I find my sibling that has it all together to be incredibly controlling and rigid. Both things are likely true.

My spouse has 5 siblings, one living parent. Two of the six are significantly mentally unwell; of the others one has essentially cut off most contact minus holidays and the other two are incredible humans.