Anonymous
07/15/2025 18:56
Subject: Looking for advise
Secure your pension rights via a lawyer asap before he thinks to siphon off funds even with penalties.
You are entitled to HALF of each 401k, 403b, annuity, company pension. And HALF his Social Security benefit if it's bigger than yours.
You are entitled to HALF of each 401k, 403b, annuity, company pension. And HALF his Social Security benefit if it's bigger than yours.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 18:51
Subject: Looking for advise
Anonymous wrote:OP: I make enough for a decent lifestyle but not enough to support kids education along with it. Relying on the group to see if someone was in a similar situation and what did they end up doing?
No one will necessarily be in the exact same financial position with kids the same ages. You should get specific legal advice for your particular income/assets/circumstances.
I pushed to divorce my lying, cheating ex, because I made the bulk of the income and my income trajectory is up from here, whereas his was stagnant. Plus, I was tired of seeing my income go to gifts for his girlfriend while he was checked out of family and home life and I was paying cleaners and lawn guys to maintain the home front. He got 50% custody, which is great both because he is a much better father than he was a husband, and that gives me more time for myself than I had for a decade.
He also got 50% of the assets, and I pay child support. No alimony though.
If I dicked around and waited to divorce I would for sure have had to pay alimony.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 17:54
Subject: Looking for advise
OP: I make enough for a decent lifestyle but not enough to support kids education along with it. Relying on the group to see if someone was in a similar situation and what did they end up doing?
Anonymous
07/15/2025 15:40
Subject: Looking for advise
Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hear that. Please seek therapy. He might be a scumbag or it could be because you got fat and/or were sexless. Therapy will help hash this out.
If people followed “Pence rule”, they wouldn’t find themselves in this situation.
Seriously? 😳
Anonymous
07/15/2025 15:39
Subject: Looking for advise
Meet with one or two attorneys for an hour each, pay cash. Getting your ducks in a row, legally and financially, and just knowing what it will look like for you will be daunting, but so important for your mental health and decision-making.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 15:39
Subject: Re:Looking for advise
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We can’t give you advice. It depends on your financials. Take into consideration that:
- a private college for 2 kids is 800k easily
- no court would force him to pay beyond a cost of a community college. College funds are joint property subject to division not kids property
- if you are in your 40s alimony will very minimal and only for 2 years
- child support by the formula will not keep up with inflation
Then see if you have means - any pensions, assets, a good job etc.
The younger woman would fight for access to recourses sooner or later and he would want a divorce. Don’t gift her these resources and consider your husband merely a source of income for you and the kids.
It’s very easy to find someone on a side for a woman - act with cold head and in the best interests of your kids.
Dating sucks and men out there will de just like your exH
You’re assuming the DH will want to stay and that it’s OP’s choice whether to remain. She should still get her own advice in case the new pu$$y dazzles him enough to up and leave.
I said the same - the new pussy (if not current then the next one) WILL fight for husbands resources and he WILL want a divorce at some point. But if assets are great enough to split, he might just prefer to live separate lives without divorcing. Since he declines to acknowledge the affair, it seems that he prefers marriage for now.
Of course she should get advice but I summarized it all above.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 15:36
Subject: Re:Looking for advise
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. The good news is your kids will be out of the house in 4 years, so you don't have to worry as much about 50/50 custody that those of us with younger kids have to worry about.
Advice would really depend on your respective financial situations and how pleasant he is to live with. But honestly, without kids in the picture, why not just get out. Leave this loser.
My younger one is still home for another 4 years!
NP. I would divorce now. You think your son wants to live with a cheater for four years? Think he’ll respect you for staying miserable and with a cheater for four years? No.
How would son know ? They hang out with friends more than parents. She doesn’t need to spill the bins.
OP - do you work/have means to live the same lifestyle without your husband AND to pay for kids education ?
Anonymous
07/15/2025 15:34
Subject: Re:Looking for advise
Anonymous wrote:We can’t give you advice. It depends on your financials. Take into consideration that:
- a private college for 2 kids is 800k easily
- no court would force him to pay beyond a cost of a community college. College funds are joint property subject to division not kids property
- if you are in your 40s alimony will very minimal and only for 2 years
- child support by the formula will not keep up with inflation
Then see if you have means - any pensions, assets, a good job etc.
The younger woman would fight for access to recourses sooner or later and he would want a divorce. Don’t gift her these resources and consider your husband merely a source of income for you and the kids.
It’s very easy to find someone on a side for a woman - act with cold head and in the best interests of your kids.
Dating sucks and men out there will de just like your exH
You’re assuming the DH will want to stay and that it’s OP’s choice whether to remain. She should still get her own advice in case the new pu$$y dazzles him enough to up and leave.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 15:33
Subject: Re:Looking for advise
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. The good news is your kids will be out of the house in 4 years, so you don't have to worry as much about 50/50 custody that those of us with younger kids have to worry about.
Advice would really depend on your respective financial situations and how pleasant he is to live with. But honestly, without kids in the picture, why not just get out. Leave this loser.
My younger one is still home for another 4 years!
NP. I would divorce now. You think your son wants to live with a cheater for four years? Think he’ll respect you for staying miserable and with a cheater for four years? No.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 15:32
Subject: Looking for advise
Anonymous wrote:Anyone went through this with a kid going to college? My heart breaks for my kids-both going through this-and separating from each other…
It’s not 1987 - they can talk and FaceTime for free. They will grow closer.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 15:30
Subject: Re:Looking for advise
We can’t give you advice. It depends on your financials. Take into consideration that:
- a private college for 2 kids is 800k easily
- no court would force him to pay beyond a cost of a community college. College funds are joint property subject to division not kids property
- if you are in your 40s alimony will very minimal and only for 2 years
- child support by the formula will not keep up with inflation
Then see if you have means - any pensions, assets, a good job etc.
The younger woman would fight for access to recourses sooner or later and he would want a divorce. Don’t gift her these resources and consider your husband merely a source of income for you and the kids.
It’s very easy to find someone on a side for a woman - act with cold head and in the best interests of your kids.
Dating sucks and men out there will de just like your exH
- a private college for 2 kids is 800k easily
- no court would force him to pay beyond a cost of a community college. College funds are joint property subject to division not kids property
- if you are in your 40s alimony will very minimal and only for 2 years
- child support by the formula will not keep up with inflation
Then see if you have means - any pensions, assets, a good job etc.
The younger woman would fight for access to recourses sooner or later and he would want a divorce. Don’t gift her these resources and consider your husband merely a source of income for you and the kids.
It’s very easy to find someone on a side for a woman - act with cold head and in the best interests of your kids.
Dating sucks and men out there will de just like your exH
Anonymous
07/15/2025 14:46
Subject: Re:Looking for advise
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. The good news is your kids will be out of the house in 4 years, so you don't have to worry as much about 50/50 custody that those of us with younger kids have to worry about.
Advice would really depend on your respective financial situations and how pleasant he is to live with. But honestly, without kids in the picture, why not just get out. Leave this loser.
My younger one is still home for another 4 years!
4 years is not bad. Just live your own life, focus on your child, plan the divorce and your future. Then if things change and he gets better, great. If not, you are ready to leave. I just don't think it is worth it for you to give this man any more thought.
This makes sense except it always hurts when I find something-we have been together 30 years, out of which we were married for 26!
Anonymous
07/15/2025 14:18
Subject: Re:Looking for advise
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. The good news is your kids will be out of the house in 4 years, so you don't have to worry as much about 50/50 custody that those of us with younger kids have to worry about.
Advice would really depend on your respective financial situations and how pleasant he is to live with. But honestly, without kids in the picture, why not just get out. Leave this loser.
My younger one is still home for another 4 years!
4 years is not bad. Just live your own life, focus on your child, plan the divorce and your future. Then if things change and he gets better, great. If not, you are ready to leave. I just don't think it is worth it for you to give this man any more thought.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 13:56
Subject: Looking for advise
Anyone went through this with a kid going to college? My heart breaks for my kids-both going through this-and separating from each other…
Anonymous
07/15/2025 12:50
Subject: Looking for advise
No need to confront him at all. Just get a lawyer and take your advice from them. I mean, if your husband says "No I'm not" then where do you go from there? And if he says "yeah, because you're an awful wife" where do you go from there? Either way, that's not a man you want to be married to.