My favorite is when they ask more than once for the same advice. As if I didn’t give them the correct answer the first time.

Anonymous wrote:Advice, that's fine.

Asking for WORK from others that then gets discarded without explanation/apology/gratitude, is not fine.

The difference is how much effort it takes the person who is helping.

+1 OP mentioned edits? I work with someone who solicits edits and then ignores them. Why ask? If they are above you, you can't say no, so it's just a waste of time.

These people just want to complain and not fix anything. Don't waste your time anymore.

Two reasons:

- using the seeking advice as a way to connect.
- using you as a sounding board. That person has likely spent some time on the decision but wanted to see if someone could raise a new perspective not considered.

I don't have an issue with it. Why are people so concerned others don't take your advice? It's not wasted. You have hopefully deepened a connection, they could take your advice next time, they could store your advice for future decisions.

My sister does this all the time. It is very annoying. I believe though that she really is just looking for conversation and uses "needing advice" as an excuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps your input isn't very valuable. Give better advice.

This is not always true. My parents are awful with money and have nothing saved for retirement. They will probably depend on SS and my mom's pension when or if they ever stop working. 3 times now they've asked me for car advice which I gave.

3/3 times they've ended up financing a used out-of-warranty BMW at a high APR (looking rich is more important than being rich), and then eventually dumped it down the line because the timing chain is making a terrible noise or the exhaust has clouds of white smoke and they have had to roll negative equity into their next purchase due to these impending $$$ repairs.

Details help. Did they ask for your input or did you just provide it? Given their track record, they are intent on doing their own thing.

I mean, what's the title of this thread?

Advice, that's fine.

Asking for WORK from others that then gets discarded without explanation/apology/gratitude, is not fine.

The difference is how much effort it takes the person who is helping.

Anonymous wrote:Most of these people want empathy, not advice. Just say “oh, that sounds so hard for you” or “wow, challenging to decide what to do” or whatever noncommittal option fits.

I think this is true sometimes and people could deploy PPs strategy more often.

Anonymous wrote:They want to do something, but they're too insecure to actually do it.

OR they want to appear like they want input, but they've already decided on their course of action.

Annoying and a waste of time.

Wait - the person who asks for advice is insecure? Not the person who offers advice and they gets their knickers in a twist when it isn't accepted?

Not sure how you reached that conclusion.

Anonymous wrote:They want to consider alternative perspectives, even if they don't end up going with them. In general, it's healthy.

This. If I ask for someone's input on something, that doesn't mean I am ceding complete control over it to them, and will do whatever they say. There are myriad reasons that I might not incorporate someone's suggestions.

I call these people, "askholes."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want to consider alternative perspectives, even if they don't end up going with them. In general, it's healthy.

Nope. It’s like the posters here. They’re looking for validation of what they’ve already decided.

Maybe. But who cares?

I used to work with a woman who would get unreasonably annoyed if people made certain personal decisions without consulting her first. Like if you moved houses, she'd be offended if you didn't ask for her input on where you should move first. She'd make these little passive aggressive comments about how she could have helped you if you'd bothered to ask, given how much she knows about real estate or whatever. So often those of us in the office would make a point of asking for her input as a little courtesy because she liked it so much. And then we'd do what we were going to do anyway. I'm sure she thought we were all stupid when we did anything other than what she thought we should do. Oh well.

She was a miserable old bat. Controlling, judgmental people usually are.

Anonymous wrote:They want to consider alternative perspectives, even if they don't end up going with them. In general, it's healthy.

Nope. It’s like the posters here. They’re looking for validation of what they’ve already decided.

I can care about what you think and value your opinion, and still not totally agree with your advice or want to do exactly what you think I should do.

What else would you be doing with the time you spent voicing your opinion that is so valuable that it is a "waste" to talk to a friend or love one about it?

Most of these people want empathy, not advice. Just say “oh, that sounds so hard for you” or “wow, challenging to decide what to do” or whatever noncommittal option fits.