Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 11:59     Subject: Re:Selfish not to take free family trip?
For the people who are thinking visiting 3x a year is too much. How do you feel about only seeing your children a few times a year when they are grown?
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 11:50     Subject: Re:Selfish not to take free family trip?
How often do you see your family?
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 11:37     Subject: Re:Selfish not to take free family trip?
You are going there twice this year for holidays? And they still want you to come in the summer too?? So flying to FL 3x/yr with young kids?

I personally wouldn’t be up for that, unless maybe ILs were extremely helpful with the kids (which doesn’t seem to be the case). If the kids were old enough to send with my DH while I stay home, that would be a possibility.



Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 10:45     Subject: Selfish not to take free family trip?
Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a free trip to me, it’s a visit to in laws and that’s not equal to a vacation, even if it’s at a destination. It’s their house, their rules, their plans. I would not do this unless I wanted to.


THIS.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 10:12     Subject: Selfish not to take free family trip?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In laws have a place in Florida close to the beach and DH and in laws really want us visit for a week during the summer. Young DCs would probably really enjoy the trip too.

Am I really selfish for being the sole holdout on this? The alternative is we go on our own vacation, but it would be far more expensive. Money isn’t tight but a consideration. I just don’t want to spend a week with the in-laws on our sole summer vacation. They are nice enough. They just don’t help with the kids, I never feel completely comfortable, the home is not baby proof and it doesn’t feel like our nuclear family creating memories anymore, its more about the grandparents. And we will be there twice during the holidays already.

Since it is a flight away, it doesn’t really make sense to just go for a few days in case, and they probably wouldn’t be thrilled if we split the time between their home and somewhere else anyway. So it’s all or nothing



Are they supposed to?


Given the choice between visiting engaged grandparents and visiting grandparents who sit and look at their phone/TV, we are going to go with the engaged ones as often as possible. And the kids absolutely notice who pays attention to them vs. who doesn't. Sorry, Facebook Granny
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 09:43     Subject: Selfish not to take free family trip?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In laws have a place in Florida close to the beach and DH and in laws really want us visit for a week during the summer. Young DCs would probably really enjoy the trip too.

Am I really selfish for being the sole holdout on this? The alternative is we go on our own vacation, but it would be far more expensive. Money isn’t tight but a consideration. I just don’t want to spend a week with the in-laws on our sole summer vacation. They are nice enough. They just don’t help with the kids, I never feel completely comfortable, the home is not baby proof and it doesn’t feel like our nuclear family creating memories anymore, its more about the grandparents. And we will be there twice during the holidays already.

Since it is a flight away, it doesn’t really make sense to just go for a few days in case, and they probably wouldn’t be thrilled if we split the time between their home and somewhere else anyway. So it’s all or nothing



Are they supposed to?


new poster here, and yeah, if the in laws are wanting everyone to come to them 3x a year, they should be helpful, offer mom and dad a night off while they watch the kids etc.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 09:40     Subject: Selfish not to take free family trip?
Send your DH solo. As long as your kids won't be in actual danger (meaning: it's not a pool that unsecured, just some breakable vases).

But as others have said, I would not go to FL 3x a year. If you go at other times, there is NO WAY I'd spend my summer going too. Choose somewhere else and do a nuclear family trip.

Little kids on vacation are a ton of work. Unhelpful grandparents can add to the work, so why include them? Just find a trip you can afford (maybe driving distance, since there are no flights) and do that instead.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 09:38     Subject: Selfish not to take free family trip?
Anonymous wrote:When we have the time and the money, we do a nuclear family vacation. No in-laws, no parents.

In your case, with your husband pushing to go and the money angle, I'd consider the ages of the kids: are they too young to make memories elsewhere? In that case, accumulate brownie points by doing what your husband wants (and make sure he knows you're doing him a favor). When the kids get older, you cash them in for travel YOU want to do.


This.

Also have your husband give you a few day passes to not be on as much, he takes the lead. Trade off so you both get some kid free rest.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 09:37     Subject: Selfish not to take free family trip?
Heck yes. Go. Bank this years unused lodging expenses for a really nice trip on the future.

Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 09:30     Subject: Selfish not to take free family trip?
This isn’t a free trip to me, it’s a visit to in laws and that’s not equal to a vacation, even if it’s at a destination. It’s their house, their rules, their plans. I would not do this unless I wanted to.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 09:14     Subject: Selfish not to take free family trip?
Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like you have plans to do any other vacation. I mean yeah, I'd choose nuclear vacation over in laws, but I'd choose in laws over no vacation. A hotel or AirBNB isn't going to be baby proofed and if it's just you and DH, no one is going to help with the kids anyways.


This.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 09:13     Subject: Re:Selfish not to take free family trip?
Anonymous wrote:Not sure how old the kids are but I’d consider sending the kids with DH? You could save your vacation time to spend with your kids doing something you would prefer to do instead- like visiting your parents or friends etc if DH can’t get time off, or a staycation doing fun things with your kids.
And some free time for yourself while they are gone.

But obviously that would really depend how old the kids are and whether you would trust this scenario…


+1. This looks like staycation for mom time to me.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 09:05     Subject: Selfish not to take free family trip?
Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like you have plans to do any other vacation. I mean yeah, I'd choose nuclear vacation over in laws, but I'd choose in laws over no vacation. A hotel or AirBNB isn't going to be baby proofed and if it's just you and DH, no one is going to help with the kids anyways.


+2

And I assume your inlaws feed you so a week's worth of free meals you don't have to prep, serve, or clean-up from.

Can you plan day excursions (maybe 2 or 3 of them, not every day) to give everyone a break from each other - A nearby children's museum, aquarium, or the like?
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 08:59     Subject: Selfish not to take free family trip?
I'd go on the trip and work to also carve out time for yourselves - day trips or an overnight or two added at the end. Maybe book yourself a spa day and a shopping day on your own while you are there if you need alone time to decompress. Its worth the effort for your kids to have a relationship with their grandparents even if it takes some work. With kids that young, there is no true "vacation" without childcare. Its all just a family trip and I'd save the money now.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2025 08:54     Subject: Selfish not to take free family trip?
It doesn't sound like you have plans to do any other vacation. I mean yeah, I'd choose nuclear vacation over in laws, but I'd choose in laws over no vacation. A hotel or AirBNB isn't going to be baby proofed and if it's just you and DH, no one is going to help with the kids anyways.