I'm a woman who lost my job around age 40 with two young kids at the time. My husband did have a steady job but I was always more career-driven and the higher earner.

All he did was trust me and keep on fully participating in household and child-related tasks.

I'm mid-50s now and layoff season seems to be coming around again in my industry. It feels very scary. But, I think it's very important to focus on steps that help both of you feel in control. Such as cutting out unnecessary spending. Maybe you and your kids as a family can figure out ways to cut here and there that will help.

I'd also recommend...do not stress about your children's college right now. Many forms of college are available and the US system is pretty flexible. Maybe not cheap, but flexible. I'd say what's more important is for your kids to benefit from a calmer household in the face of setbacks. You and your husband will help them by being honest with them but also appearing calm and productive.

During my layoff period, I feel I did not network enough. It felt awkward. I did do some things but honestly I floundered a bit without a daily job schedule or highly-relevant networking opportunities. I did, though, have a baby in the house, so evenings were hard to spend away from home.

What I learned from my layoff was that next time it happens, I would like to do a more intense volunteering job or take up a new hobby. So that I could be of service to others and/or grow myself in a direction that isn't just a work-related skill. Someone further up the thread commented on how we are more than just employees. It is so hard to remember that when your number one concern is getting a new job. Because family is always there, and feels like part of the normal fabric of your life. I think more is needed to remind oneself that you are more than just your job. And I don't mean developing
a new hobby just to be goofing off. I mean doing something productive outside of the work sphere and also allowing oneself a little bit of novelty or personal development.

This example below isn't related to a layoff but how I coped with another type of bad time. During Covid, I went deep into online genealogy as a hobby for the first time. I learned a lot, developed new skills, and have been able to help others. It's been fun and comforting and also a very inexpensive hobby. It enriched my life and is one of the good things that I took away from a trying time. I hope you and your family can find similar comforts during your tough times.

Best wishes, OP, for you and your husband's job search.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did your spouse help support you? My husband lost his job and it's hitting him really, really hard. He's early 50s and he has never faced total unemployment before. Contacts/his network is coming up empty. I suspect this will be a tough road.

We've built a great life together but things are looking so damn bleak right now. Our kids still have a long way to go before college. My current job is flexible but doesn't offer benefits so I'm applying to everything I can. Beyond the actionable steps, like cutting costs, searching for a better job for myself etc., how do I emotionally support my husband when I'm trying to hold back tears 24/7?

Give me advice, hopeful stories or just good vibes and prayers, I'll take it all.

BTW he should be job hunting 12 hours a day minimum. He is like milk on a hot day sitting on the counter at his age.

Good luck finding enough reals jobs to apply to to warrant even two hours a day of work right now. It’s summer and AI and all that.

This. 12 hours a day is unrealistic. 2-3 hours a day is more likely. But often just one hour because you’re just doing a sweep.

No it is not. My 12 hour a day was 1-2 hours applying jobs, 1-2 hours reaching out recruiters, 1-2 hours growing my network, 1-2 hours crafting messages to people in my network, 1-2 hours creating original LinkedIn contact. I also had a support network of fellow job searchers I had regular zoom check ins, a mentor I meet with bi weekly, and I had executive out placement to meet with. I also reach out to companies and apply even if not posted and reach out to people directly about jobs. I often also had several interviews a week. It is quite busy to find work over 55 in a senior role high paid. Even harder when did it at 61. Today I would add pod casts, speaking at conferences, meeting for coffee etc.

Anonymous wrote:There is so much work out there. If he is one of those people not willing to do a job available, I wouldn't shed a tear.
How did he not prepare for this?
One wants to cry and the other is hit hard by unemployment. Both of you need to toughen up. He has had a very nice work life up to now and so have you if something so small is so hard.

DP. This post just earned you a lot of bad karma.

Stay positive OP. We have been through this a couple times and it the uncertainty and stress stinks. But if your kids are of the age that they still hang out with their parents, relish it! I agree with previous posters that if you can get something it will help. I am the steady eddie now and I have just gotten used to it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did your spouse help support you? My husband lost his job and it's hitting him really, really hard. He's early 50s and he has never faced total unemployment before. Contacts/his network is coming up empty. I suspect this will be a tough road.

We've built a great life together but things are looking so damn bleak right now. Our kids still have a long way to go before college. My current job is flexible but doesn't offer benefits so I'm applying to everything I can. Beyond the actionable steps, like cutting costs, searching for a better job for myself etc., how do I emotionally support my husband when I'm trying to hold back tears 24/7?

Give me advice, hopeful stories or just good vibes and prayers, I'll take it all.

BTW he should be job hunting 12 hours a day minimum. He is like milk on a hot day sitting on the counter at his age.

Good luck finding enough reals jobs to apply to to warrant even two hours a day of work right now. It’s summer and AI and all that.

This. 12 hours a day is unrealistic. 2-3 hours a day is more likely. But often just one hour because you’re just doing a sweep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did your spouse help support you? My husband lost his job and it's hitting him really, really hard. He's early 50s and he has never faced total unemployment before. Contacts/his network is coming up empty. I suspect this will be a tough road.

We've built a great life together but things are looking so damn bleak right now. Our kids still have a long way to go before college. My current job is flexible but doesn't offer benefits so I'm applying to everything I can. Beyond the actionable steps, like cutting costs, searching for a better job for myself etc., how do I emotionally support my husband when I'm trying to hold back tears 24/7?

Give me advice, hopeful stories or just good vibes and prayers, I'll take it all.

BTW he should be job hunting 12 hours a day minimum. He is like milk on a hot day sitting on the counter at his age.

Good luck finding enough reals jobs to apply to to warrant even two hours a day of work right now. It’s summer and AI and all that.

Anonymous wrote:Contacts are overrated. In most cases they are not of much help.

it's not that contacts are overrated, but in the short term they may not be able to deliver. especially if the bulk of people in your professional network are in the same industry that is getting hit hard.

the wider contact network responds better to a light touch than a hard "do you know of any openings RIGHT NOW?"

things that can help is having coffee with folks (employed, and not) just talk about ... anything. new tech, industry developments, interesting research areas. conversations to get the brain moving, get out of the house, get new areas of focus. see if he can start with scheduling one lunch/coffee a week. just seeing people can help lift depression.

white noise and change of location can also help. one or more days a week, he should go to a library or cafe to do four or so hours of job search/applications. forcing himself to sit in a chair at home for 10+ hours a day to apply to jobs is a fast track to despair and burnout.

schedules help. he should be getting up and getting dressed for the day. maybe going for an 8am walk. movement is good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did your spouse help support you? My husband lost his job and it's hitting him really, really hard. He's early 50s and he has never faced total unemployment before. Contacts/his network is coming up empty. I suspect this will be a tough road.

We've built a great life together but things are looking so damn bleak right now. Our kids still have a long way to go before college. My current job is flexible but doesn't offer benefits so I'm applying to everything I can. Beyond the actionable steps, like cutting costs, searching for a better job for myself etc., how do I emotionally support my husband when I'm trying to hold back tears 24/7?

Give me advice, hopeful stories or just good vibes and prayers, I'll take it all.

BTW he should be job hunting 12 hours a day minimum. He is like milk on a hot day sitting on the counter at his age.

Oh shut up. Spending a greater number of hours doesn't mean that he will find a job--there are diminishing returns to scale.

OP, I'm sorry this has happened to your spouse. I think you can encourage your spouse to think more flexibly about what works for him at this age and level of experience. My DOGEd spouse found a consulting gig, and while we miss the stability of a government salary, short term engagements can be interesting.

There is ZERO diminishing values of scale if actually looking. And yes if I wanted to stay in my current field, not relocate, only use my network I could only job hunt at most a few hours a day. A real job hunt which I was forced to do is ENTIRE USA and if that fails entire WORLD. That does take 12 hours a day minimum.

I relocated whole family to a new state after a 8 month search of 12 hours a day that was a great job but everything has a shelf life. Then next search I did whole world search and in Europe I hit it big on two jobs both remote in US.

Never got a job in my location through my connections. Well first of all if a real job existed my connections would take it for themselves.

Op just after I had our second child my husband got laid off, took a new job, got FIRED from that after 6 months (terrible fit); got another job and was about to get FIRED from that when he landed the job he is in now that he loves, is good at, pays decently well and is stable. But during the period of turmoil he was deeply ashamed, which was counter productive to seeking employment, so the best thing I could do was just be supportive and encourage him to keep looking, to figure out what his skills/strengths were, to be open to a different type of job (which he's in now), and to allow me to help him craft his letters. He hadn't looked for a job in ages before then and was not really savvy about crafting letters for new fields, so he needed some help there and in crafting a compelling narrative.

In your husband's case there are also a lot of practical things: linkedin premium, use ai to craft letters and resumes, but be sure to review, get in touch with recruiters, network like crazy, and be willing/open to many kinds of things. The next job is just that, not forever. Be positive about his future, so that he doens't sink into depression. Remind him a ton of people are going through this now, he is not alone, and there is nothign wrong with him. And good luck on your own job hunt.

Anonymous wrote:My husband lost his job during the pandemic and I was super stressed about it (though I am a fed / have benefits). The fact of the matter is, at the time, our younger daughter had a lot of medical needs and having him available for that was very helpful and I look back at the Halloween costume he had the time to make for our older daughter and smile. He took a job that had some red flags during the interview and it ended up being really, really miserable. I didn’t realize quite how miserable until he eventually was fired (he was actually planning to quit) and the stress became less, not worse! Anyway, he worked there about 9 months, was gaslit and mistreated, but got an 8 week severance. I promised myself I wouldn’t allow my panic to push him into a job. He told me he’d like to take 3 weeks to recover from the job and then start job hunting. I said that was fine. I woke up in day 23 and thought “I wonder when I should nudge him” and he said “Okay, time to start the job hunt!” He actually heard from recruiters almost immediately, and had actually onboarded at a new job before the severance ended! He’s been there 3.5 years. It’s not perfect, but it’s a lot better than the blip. It’s so stressful, but trying my best to let my husband figure it out without me butting in helped the 2nd time he was searching.

Thank you for sharing this. We're working on a game plan moving forward and crossing our fingers that something good comes along.

Contacts are overrated. In most cases they are not of much help.

Anonymous wrote:OP, take heart. My husband was laid off at the height of the pandemic. He did over 100 interviews before finally landing a good but lower paying job.

A little over a year into that job, he was contacted by a recruiter for another company and was offered double his salary. That new company has performed so well, I mean mind-blowingly well, that we will basically never have to worry about finances again.

I pray that God leads your husband down a path of prosperity. It may initially come in the form of a reduction but keep faith.

This is a very kind and lovely post (NP here).

Have faith, OP. ❤️

Anonymous wrote:OP, take heart. My husband was laid off at the height of the pandemic. He did over 100 interviews before finally landing a good but lower paying job.

A little over a year into that job, he was contacted by a recruiter for another company and was offered double his salary. That new company has performed so well, I mean mind-blowingly well, that we will basically never have to worry about finances again.

I pray that God leads your husband down a path of prosperity. It may initially come in the form of a reduction but keep faith.

Thank you so much for sharing this, I really appreciate it.

My husband lost his job during the pandemic and I was super stressed about it (though I am a fed / have benefits). The fact of the matter is, at the time, our younger daughter had a lot of medical needs and having him available for that was very helpful and I look back at the Halloween costume he had the time to make for our older daughter and smile. He took a job that had some red flags during the interview and it ended up being really, really miserable. I didn’t realize quite how miserable until he eventually was fired (he was actually planning to quit) and the stress became less, not worse! Anyway, he worked there about 9 months, was gaslit and mistreated, but got an 8 week severance. I promised myself I wouldn’t allow my panic to push him into a job. He told me he’d like to take 3 weeks to recover from the job and then start job hunting. I said that was fine. I woke up in day 23 and thought “I wonder when I should nudge him” and he said “Okay, time to start the job hunt!” He actually heard from recruiters almost immediately, and had actually onboarded at a new job before the severance ended! He’s been there 3.5 years. It’s not perfect, but it’s a lot better than the blip. It’s so stressful, but trying my best to let my husband figure it out without me butting in helped the 2nd time he was searching.

Anonymous wrote:There is so much work out there. If he is one of those people not willing to do a job available, I wouldn't shed a tear.
How did he not prepare for this?
One wants to cry and the other is hit hard by unemployment. Both of you need to toughen up. He has had a very nice work life up to now and so have you if something so small is so hard.

WTF with this response? If you can't say anything constructive, STFU.