Anonymous wrote:I found out that while I was away, my husband slept with a mutual friend. I am not super close with her but we have hung out a few times in group settings. She is an ex-fiance of a close friend of my husband's. I discovered this as he was acting cold/distant when I got back from my trip and I looked through his phone to find that he was bragging to his other friend about his conquest and how wonderful it was. What makes it worse is that this happened in the house of our mutual friends and it sounds like they encouraged/organized it.

My world is spinning and I can't sleep or eat or stop crying. The collusion, the betrayal, the humiliation.

Worst of all I can't stop getting intrusive thoughts about them having sex. How he touched her and kissed her, how she reacted, what did he think? what did they talk about?

How can I survive and get over this?

Men are cruel

I'm thinking a solid C+ or B-

New poster here and call the midwife was also my go to during this time. I watched the entire show (100+ episodes) twice.

Anonymous wrote:I made a list of every single movie ever nominated for the Oscars has best picture and I watched 90% of them.

Every time I started spinning, I just turned on a movie. I can’t tell you how many movies I watched at 2 in the morning.

I watched series that I could escape into. Call the Midwife was my go-to in the early days. Have stuff ready so when the spinning starts, you don’t have to think. I have been a voracious reader all of my life, and in the thick of it, I just could not read. So I watched and watched and watched. It’s a terrible time, but you will get through it.

One foot in front of the other. You don’t owe anyone an explanation and you don’t need to listen to anyone excusing this. You’re quickly finding out who your friends are. It will get worse before it gets better, but it WILL get better.

Glad you’re meeting with a lawyer. Get a therapist, STAT. Keep good notes.

You didn’t deserve this.

Doesn't sound like you have kids. Be grateful for that and get the hell out (or kick him out). Don't waste another moment of your life or thoughts on this guy. Clean break, never see him again.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I am beginning to think my husband was bad mouthing me to his friends. I understand venting to people about being unhappy or what have you. But their solution was to help him have sex with a mutual friend and...cheat on me? And they all planned and organized this together?

WTF? WTF?

That's gross.

I mean, my story is also sad . . . my stbx turned out to be a cheater. But our friends are generally really good people and everyone is disgusted. Only the gross partier types have "kept" him in the divorce.

You don't want to be married to someone who acts like this, and surrounds himself with people who act like this.

Big hugs. You will get through this. You are stronger than you know.

Anonymous wrote:I found out that while I was away, my husband slept with a mutual friend. I am not super close with her but we have hung out a few times in group settings. She is an ex-fiance of a close friend of my husband's. I discovered this as he was acting cold/distant when I got back from my trip and I looked through his phone to find that he was bragging to his other friend about his conquest and how wonderful it was. What makes it worse is that this happened in the house of our mutual friends and it sounds like they encouraged/organized it.

My world is spinning and I can't sleep or eat or stop crying. The collusion, the betrayal, the humiliation.

Worst of all I can't stop getting intrusive thoughts about them having sex. How he touched her and kissed her, how she reacted, what did he think? what did they talk about?

How can I survive and get over this?

Read the book Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life by Tracy Schorn, aka Chumplady.
https://www.chumplady.com/

I made a list of every single movie ever nominated for the Oscars has best picture and I watched 90% of them.

Every time I started spinning, I just turned on a movie. I can’t tell you how many movies I watched at 2 in the morning.

I am so sorry that you experienced this. 💔
It all sounds absolutely horrible.

The pain is still obviously fresh & you likely are feeling just very numb right now….not eating/sleeping is a very common sign.

But plz, as hard as it is - you MUST take care of yourself.

In order to get your dignity returned the only solution here would likely only be if you leave your husband as well as completely cease contact w/these mutual “friends.”
Remaining in this marriage will only destroy you.
You were lied to and betrayed in the worst possible way that any human could plus you were humiliated beyond belief.

You deserve respect, integrity + dignity.
And the only way to get all three of these things is to separate from your husband.
You will also need to seek counseling in order to deal w/the negative fallout that his actions have caused but in the end…..it will all be well worth it.

Please be kind to yourself in the meantime.
I hope you have a support system in place too.

🤗 hugs

Whoa. Why are you leaving? His sorry ass should be moving out. Definitely get everything organized, make sure you have cash, I would consult with more than one lawyer (or to be more clear, when I was in your shoes, I did consult with more than one lawyer), make sure you have proof and that it is stored somewhere that there’s no way it could be destroyed (send it to a friend, keep it on the cloud, etc.), make sure you have all your financial records, similarly stored…..

THEN confront him and kick his ass out. He can go stay with one of his supportive a-hole friends. If you’re in DC or VA, please record the confrontation discussion and any others that might help you in court.

OP wishing you luck. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now but everything will be ok. I’d recommend you go to psychiatrist so you can get on meds to help you function while you get through this. They really take the weight off.

And quickly and quietly get a complete STD panel.
Planned Parenthood does a good job and is sliding scale.

Anonymous wrote:Quietly and quickly you lawyer up. You do not even consider "forgetting this" or forgiving.

+100000

The most glamorous beautiful women in the world get cheated on.

It has everything to do with the cheater and nothing to do with you.

You are not alone.

I have been in the mind movies. I think it’s the brain in shock trying to make sense of things.

Medication and therapy helped. Friends helped. Dark humor. Connecting with people who “get” it. If you haven’t lived it you don’t truly understand.

Do you have kids? How old are you? Do you have a good job?