Anonymous
06/25/2025 12:36
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am both. (If you count summer swim as a “swim mom”)
Summer swim is in a league of its own. It’s supposed to be a flurry of fun for 1.5 months.
The swim parents involved in summer swim are just volunteers that are trying to make a fun experience for their kids.
True swim parents have kids that swim year round and yes they can be as competitive and catty as dance moms.
I am also both and I was a competitive, 6-days-per-week dancer growing up. In my experience, club swim parents are the best. Our closest friends are swim parents we met sitting outside practice or in the bleachers. Nobody cares about who is faster, etc. Kids just hang out together and have such fun. Parents mostly work or talk about things completely unrelated to swim, unless it’s to compliment someone’s swimmer.
Dance is a whole other animal, mostly because — like in Dance Moms — the more private lessons you pay for, the more lessons you pay for, the more costumes you pay for, the more money the studio makes. Also, dance is significantly more subjective in terms of who makes company, who gets solos/trios at competitions, who gets to do that special event at [insert fancy setting] or that commercial shoot, etc.
Swim is not subjective. Moving to elite practice groups is because a child has the cut times that are for the group. My child is an AA swimmer for NCAP. She has only been on a handful of relays, and we know going to any meet she almost certainly won’t be on the relays because NCAP is huge and there are easily 8 girls from NCAP ahead of her. And that’s okay. Nobody cares and few kids even know who swam on any relays. Some kids make elite meets, some kids don’t. Nobody cares. They are still friends and make crafts and play Taco Cat or Uno at every meet they attend together. They cheer for their B time friends and their AAA friends. And no amount of schmoozing up the coaches will change the times a swimmer swims.
This is also my experience as a “both” mom. The only swim parents (summer or club) that bug me are the ones who want special treatment for their kid, and the ones who loudly proclaim how a bad swim is never their kid’s fault (it was the starter! It was a slippery block! The coach should have never had them in that event! Warm ups were too hard/early/late!) (these are generally the same parents). Dance is terribly pay-to-play, esp. at the younger ages when the kids aren’t self-critical yet, and because of this has a high percentage of rich snobby families. I would put competitive cheer, travel baseball, lacrosse, and all-star cheer in this same category. AAU baseball and travel soccer are just below.
Anonymous
06/25/2025 11:56
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am both. (If you count summer swim as a “swim mom”)
Summer swim is in a league of its own. It’s supposed to be a flurry of fun for 1.5 months.
The swim parents involved in summer swim are just volunteers that are trying to make a fun experience for their kids.
True swim parents have kids that swim year round and yes they can be as competitive and catty as dance moms.
Since you acknowledge you’re only a summer swim mom, what is your basis for describing club swim moms as catty and competitive?
I grew up a competitive swimmer. Did junior olympics, the 5am swim practices, monthly swim meets all winter long. Parents were brutal then and I’m sure nothing has changed. Everyone is out for themselves.
Anonymous
06/25/2025 11:29
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
Anonymous wrote:Don’t count out the dads.
+1
DH does most of this with our kids. He was the swimmer. I barely show up for the meets and when I do I spend the time socializing
Anonymous
06/25/2025 11:27
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
Anonymous wrote:Year round swim is way less dramatic than the 8 weeks of summer swim crazy!
A lot of summer swim parents think this is a lot more serious than it really is 🤣
+1
We swim year round in the country club league. Not competitive at all, which is why we do it. My older one did more competitive swim at one point - she hated it; I hated it.... and the pools/changing areas were gross.
Anonymous
06/25/2025 11:26
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
Anonymous wrote:I find this analogy sexist because a lot of swim dads are insane
Idk. Are there dance dads?
Anonymous
06/25/2025 11:23
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
I find this analogy sexist because a lot of swim dads are insane
Anonymous
06/25/2025 11:18
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am both. (If you count summer swim as a “swim mom”)
Summer swim is in a league of its own. It’s supposed to be a flurry of fun for 1.5 months.
The swim parents involved in summer swim are just volunteers that are trying to make a fun experience for their kids.
True swim parents have kids that swim year round and yes they can be as competitive and catty as dance moms.
I am also both and I was a competitive, 6-days-per-week dancer growing up. In my experience, club swim parents are the best. Our closest friends are swim parents we met sitting outside practice or in the bleachers. Nobody cares about who is faster, etc. Kids just hang out together and have such fun. Parents mostly work or talk about things completely unrelated to swim, unless it’s to compliment someone’s swimmer.
Dance is a whole other animal, mostly because — like in Dance Moms — the more private lessons you pay for, the more lessons you pay for, the more costumes you pay for, the more money the studio makes. Also, dance is significantly more subjective in terms of who makes company, who gets solos/trios at competitions, who gets to do that special event at [insert fancy setting] or that commercial shoot, etc.
Swim is not subjective. Moving to elite practice groups is because a child has the cut times that are for the group. My child is an AA swimmer for NCAP. She has only been on a handful of relays, and we know going to any meet she almost certainly won’t be on the relays because NCAP is huge and there are easily 8 girls from NCAP ahead of her. And that’s okay. Nobody cares and few kids even know who swam on any relays. Some kids make elite meets, some kids don’t. Nobody cares. They are still friends and make crafts and play Taco Cat or Uno at every meet they attend together. They cheer for their B time friends and their AAA friends. And no amount of schmoozing up the coaches will change the times a swimmer swims.
The fact that club swimming is objective is one of my favorite parts of it. Yes, kids are still competitive with each other but you don’t need to specifically beat another kid to make a high level meet. Your time just needs to be under the cut time, regardless of what any other kid does. The swimmers in the relay mix are aware of their position, but that is a very small group of swimmers at a club like NCAP. We are an NCAP family and it seems that each individual age has a group of swimmers that when they are at the top of the age group are on all the relays.
Anonymous
06/25/2025 11:15
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
Anonymous wrote:Summer swim is a lot more intense and dramatic because it is the only time swim turns into a team competition where kids are fighting for Saturday spots or to get on relays, and teams win or lose.
In club swim teams do score points at big meets but it is still very individual in that kids really only care how they do and they aren't competing for spots because as long as they have the cuts they can swim at any meet.
High school swim is just as much a team competition as summer swim is. As a swim parent, high school swim is more fun to watch than summer swim is, but summer swim has more socials among the parents than high school swim does.
Anonymous
06/25/2025 11:12
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
Depends on your pool.
Anonymous
06/25/2025 11:06
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am both. (If you count summer swim as a “swim mom”)
Summer swim is in a league of its own. It’s supposed to be a flurry of fun for 1.5 months.
The swim parents involved in summer swim are just volunteers that are trying to make a fun experience for their kids.
True swim parents have kids that swim year round and yes they can be as competitive and catty as dance moms.
I am also both and I was a competitive, 6-days-per-week dancer growing up. In my experience, club swim parents are the best. Our closest friends are swim parents we met sitting outside practice or in the bleachers. Nobody cares about who is faster, etc. Kids just hang out together and have such fun. Parents mostly work or talk about things completely unrelated to swim, unless it’s to compliment someone’s swimmer.
Dance is a whole other animal, mostly because — like in Dance Moms — the more private lessons you pay for, the more lessons you pay for, the more costumes you pay for, the more money the studio makes. Also, dance is significantly more subjective in terms of who makes company, who gets solos/trios at competitions, who gets to do that special event at [insert fancy setting] or that commercial shoot, etc.
Swim is not subjective. Moving to elite practice groups is because a child has the cut times that are for the group. My child is an AA swimmer for NCAP. She has only been on a handful of relays, and we know going to any meet she almost certainly won’t be on the relays because NCAP is huge and there are easily 8 girls from NCAP ahead of her. And that’s okay. Nobody cares and few kids even know who swam on any relays. Some kids make elite meets, some kids don’t. Nobody cares. They are still friends and make crafts and play Taco Cat or Uno at every meet they attend together. They cheer for their B time friends and their AAA friends. And no amount of schmoozing up the coaches will change the times a swimmer swims.
This is disturbingly true in many club sports as well. Diamond sports have a reputation of being like this, and it's even worse when the school team has a coach who also coaches a club and runs (or coaches at) a facility.
Anonymous
06/25/2025 10:49
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
I was a dance mom before I was a swim mom and I'm pretty sure I'm not crazy. My daughter dances at a classical ballet studio that does not compete. Some of the moms there are more involved than others (and probably could spend less time at the studio, but that's their business) but no one is crazy.
I have four kids who swim summer and two also swim club. Our summer team is small and most kids get to swim in A meets. There is some competition for relays but it never gets cutthroat. I can see how summer swim parents can seem cliquey when they're good friends because they work at meets. But when I joined the team, I fulfilled my volunteer requirements and made a point to talk to people and get to know them during meets. Now some people might look at me and think I'm one of the cliquey ones because I do tend to sit with the friends I've made over the years, but I also make an effort to go around and meet the new parents.
When people seem to get a little annoying I remind myself that everyone is trying their best.
I have four kids who swim summer and two also swim club. Our summer team is small and most kids get to swim in A meets. There is some competition for relays but it never gets cutthroat. I can see how summer swim parents can seem cliquey when they're good friends because they work at meets. But when I joined the team, I fulfilled my volunteer requirements and made a point to talk to people and get to know them during meets. Now some people might look at me and think I'm one of the cliquey ones because I do tend to sit with the friends I've made over the years, but I also make an effort to go around and meet the new parents.
When people seem to get a little annoying I remind myself that everyone is trying their best.
Anonymous
06/25/2025 09:40
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am both. (If you count summer swim as a “swim mom”)
Summer swim is in a league of its own. It’s supposed to be a flurry of fun for 1.5 months.
The swim parents involved in summer swim are just volunteers that are trying to make a fun experience for their kids.
True swim parents have kids that swim year round and yes they can be as competitive and catty as dance moms.
I am also both and I was a competitive, 6-days-per-week dancer growing up. In my experience, club swim parents are the best. Our closest friends are swim parents we met sitting outside practice or in the bleachers. Nobody cares about who is faster, etc. Kids just hang out together and have such fun. Parents mostly work or talk about things completely unrelated to swim, unless it’s to compliment someone’s swimmer.
Dance is a whole other animal, mostly because — like in Dance Moms — the more private lessons you pay for, the more lessons you pay for, the more costumes you pay for, the more money the studio makes. Also, dance is significantly more subjective in terms of who makes company, who gets solos/trios at competitions, who gets to do that special event at [insert fancy setting] or that commercial shoot, etc.
Swim is not subjective. Moving to elite practice groups is because a child has the cut times that are for the group. My child is an AA swimmer for NCAP. She has only been on a handful of relays, and we know going to any meet she almost certainly won’t be on the relays because NCAP is huge and there are easily 8 girls from NCAP ahead of her. And that’s okay. Nobody cares and few kids even know who swam on any relays. Some kids make elite meets, some kids don’t. Nobody cares. They are still friends and make crafts and play Taco Cat or Uno at every meet they attend together. They cheer for their B time friends and their AAA friends. And no amount of schmoozing up the coaches will change the times a swimmer swims.
I agree that winter swim families are the best. Summer swim brings out the crazy. During these 6 weeks of summer, I text my winter swim families telling them how much I miss them and often find myself sitting with them on Saturday mornings.
Anonymous
06/25/2025 09:29
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
Anonymous wrote:I am both. (If you count summer swim as a “swim mom”)
Summer swim is in a league of its own. It’s supposed to be a flurry of fun for 1.5 months.
The swim parents involved in summer swim are just volunteers that are trying to make a fun experience for their kids.
True swim parents have kids that swim year round and yes they can be as competitive and catty as dance moms.
I am also both and I was a competitive, 6-days-per-week dancer growing up. In my experience, club swim parents are the best. Our closest friends are swim parents we met sitting outside practice or in the bleachers. Nobody cares about who is faster, etc. Kids just hang out together and have such fun. Parents mostly work or talk about things completely unrelated to swim, unless it’s to compliment someone’s swimmer.
Dance is a whole other animal, mostly because — like in Dance Moms — the more private lessons you pay for, the more lessons you pay for, the more costumes you pay for, the more money the studio makes. Also, dance is significantly more subjective in terms of who makes company, who gets solos/trios at competitions, who gets to do that special event at [insert fancy setting] or that commercial shoot, etc.
Swim is not subjective. Moving to elite practice groups is because a child has the cut times that are for the group. My child is an AA swimmer for NCAP. She has only been on a handful of relays, and we know going to any meet she almost certainly won’t be on the relays because NCAP is huge and there are easily 8 girls from NCAP ahead of her. And that’s okay. Nobody cares and few kids even know who swam on any relays. Some kids make elite meets, some kids don’t. Nobody cares. They are still friends and make crafts and play Taco Cat or Uno at every meet they attend together. They cheer for their B time friends and their AAA friends. And no amount of schmoozing up the coaches will change the times a swimmer swims.
Anonymous
06/25/2025 08:44
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
Anonymous wrote:There are different many aspects of summer swim parenting, some of which are present at all pools, some at only some places.
1) Something going on every day: there really isn't anything like this one.
2) Whole Family involvement: track can be like this.
3) Intense required parent volunteering: Crew parents take the cake on this.
4) Constantly shifting competitive standings: Dance is a good comparison here.
5) Parents living through their kids results: Soccer and basketball take the lead on those aspects.
6) Pep, themes, and Extras for "fun": Summer swim is intense on this, but nothing like competitive cheer.
The difference is that the other sports you list mostly don't get like this until at least MS, except competitive dance and most kids who dance don't do competition team dance.
Summer swim parents will go nuts over 8 and 9 year olds. Please look at one of the long threads on the "unfair advantage" of kids with summer birthdays in summer swim. It's wild.
I'm a swim mom and we did one summer of summer swim and never again because my kid does poorly in that kind of intensely competitive environment. Club swim is great because you mostly just compete against yourself. The competition for relay spots and the inherent clique-y ness of summer swim is really unpleasant, IMO. I'm sure HS crew parents can be tough but acting that way about a truly meaningless summer league for your 9 yr old is worse, I think.
Anonymous
06/25/2025 08:38
Subject: Are swim moms like dance moms?!
There are different many aspects of summer swim parenting, some of which are present at all pools, some at only some places.
1) Something going on every day: there really isn't anything like this one.
2) Whole Family involvement: track can be like this.
3) Intense required parent volunteering: Crew parents take the cake on this.
4) Constantly shifting competitive standings: Dance is a good comparison here.
5) Parents living through their kids results: Soccer and basketball take the lead on those aspects.
6) Pep, themes, and Extras for "fun": Summer swim is intense on this, but nothing like competitive cheer.
1) Something going on every day: there really isn't anything like this one.
2) Whole Family involvement: track can be like this.
3) Intense required parent volunteering: Crew parents take the cake on this.
4) Constantly shifting competitive standings: Dance is a good comparison here.
5) Parents living through their kids results: Soccer and basketball take the lead on those aspects.
6) Pep, themes, and Extras for "fun": Summer swim is intense on this, but nothing like competitive cheer.