Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:56     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The solution here is to put your phone number for both parents. Moms do this all the time.


Yup. Either you have to keep track of who you need to follow up with, or you put your number for both. And reserve your wife’s number for “in case of emergency”. I think it’s too much to expect that every doctor’s office receptionist, every seasonal summer camp counselor, every teenaged office assistant, etc, will abide by a flowchart of who to call.
husband's?

It's too much to expect them to see "primary" next to a number and call that one instead of default to the woman? If so, we have serious problems with education.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:56     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
DH works in a SCIF. His number is 100% useless during the day. I have a very convoluted way I can contact him in dire emergencies (like when I was in labor and my water broke).

I hate being the stereotype, but please don't contact dh. Contact me and then either grandma or grandpa next. Frankly the grandparents can drop everything and be at school in 5 min, which I can't with my commute. School will NEVER contact a non-parent like a grandparent, which is annoying AF.

I personally am annoyed by phone calls. Why can't they email and send it to both parents?
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:54     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
Our Dr's office has this and we put my husband as the person to call first. They still call me first even though I can't have my phone on me for large portions of my work day. There needs to be an accompanying culture change that doesn't punish both moms and dads for working together to meet their kids' needs.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:54     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The solution here is to put your phone number for both parents. Moms do this all the time.


This doesn't fix the system. The problem is society's failure to recognize 2 engaged parents! Yes a child can have 2 parents parenting and therefore 2 parents to call. Go to the one designated first then the second. It's not hard.


Who cares about “the system”. You’re not changing that.

You want to fix your problem? This is the way.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:50     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Preface, I’m a dad and I handle most of the interactions with teachers, doctors, and other care providers for my kids. Despite this, they usually call, email, and leave messages for my wife instead of me. My info is always on the form, I filled it out. But she is the one they go to.

The problem is that my wife (whom I love very much) is the hot mess mom. Her phone number really only exists in theory. It basically exists to test how many badge notifications a device can handle.

Recently, I was waiting for a lab result to come back for one of my kids allergies. Turns out they called my wife a week ago and left a message. She missed it. I asked them to make a note to contact me first, so we’ll see how that goes. Poor kid has been on a fun free diet for 3 months and could’ve gotten dairy back a week ago.

Anyone else deal with this? What are your experiences? Ideas?


LOL. This is me. Don't call me. I won't see it!
Also does she have 99+ tabs open on her phone? IYKYK, chrome shows at 100


Only 100? Safari allows for 500!
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:46     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
Don’t put her number or if it’s a paper form, write “call first” in big letters by your info.

You shouldn’t have to do this but sometimes it’s easier/better for you to just sidestep daily misogyny and not get bogged down.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:44     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
Anonymous wrote:This is a good idea but the way you talk about your wife is gross.


No, it's his reality. I see it in others too. Plus have you read how women on this forum describe their husbands?
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:43     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
Anonymous wrote:DH is listed first as the contact for DS' school and camps and I'm still called first more than half the time.


Same.

I complained to the school and after 2 years they finally call him first.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:42     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
Anonymous wrote:The solution here is to put your phone number for both parents. Moms do this all the time.


This doesn't fix the system. The problem is society's failure to recognize 2 engaged parents! Yes a child can have 2 parents parenting and therefore 2 parents to call. Go to the one designated first then the second. It's not hard.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:40     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
Anonymous wrote:Preface, I’m a dad and I handle most of the interactions with teachers, doctors, and other care providers for my kids. Despite this, they usually call, email, and leave messages for my wife instead of me. My info is always on the form, I filled it out. But she is the one they go to.

The problem is that my wife (whom I love very much) is the hot mess mom. Her phone number really only exists in theory. It basically exists to test how many badge notifications a device can handle.

Recently, I was waiting for a lab result to come back for one of my kids allergies. Turns out they called my wife a week ago and left a message. She missed it. I asked them to make a note to contact me first, so we’ll see how that goes. Poor kid has been on a fun free diet for 3 months and could’ve gotten dairy back a week ago.

Anyone else deal with this? What are your experiences? Ideas?


OMG yes!!!!

My husband does most of the medical stuff and pick ups if our kid is sick - yet they always call me. I've been called out of a board meeting because my kid decided to eat a nontoxic leaf of the playground. My husband works at home as a contractor and would definitely have been the better option for this.

I'm with you OP!
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:38     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
I have specifically told places "call dad during work hours" and after I (the mom) gave those instructions they did.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:36     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
Anonymous wrote:The solution here is to put your phone number for both parents. Moms do this all the time.


Yup. Either you have to keep track of who you need to follow up with, or you put your number for both. And reserve your wife’s number for “in case of emergency”. I think it’s too much to expect that every doctor’s office receptionist, every seasonal summer camp counselor, every teenaged office assistant, etc, will abide by a flowchart of who to call.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:36     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
Anonymous wrote:There are usually comment sections on those forms - write that mom is usually uncontactable so please call dad.

Otherwise they will just do what works in 95%+ of cases.


As a teacher, when I look up a kid’s number I don’t see the comments. I will be honest and say that if I haven’t had contact with dad before, and the kid isn’t there so I can ask, I will call mom first because in my experience it’s more likely to work.

I agree with OP that there should be a way to indicate which parent to call first, I am just saying this isn’t it.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:31     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
On DCUM you can drag dads all day every day but don’t you dare say a mom accumulated notifications on her phone!!!
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2025 09:23     Subject: Can we normalize having a “Which parent should we call first?” on forms?
There are usually comment sections on those forms - write that mom is usually uncontactable so please call dad.

Otherwise they will just do what works in 95%+ of cases.