Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents go. Your kid is mentally preparing to move away from you for four years and she is asking for this time with you. Listen to her.

Oh, please. No she isn't. She's just nervous and wants her hands held. She'll be fine.

Stop with the guilt trip.

She’s “just nervous and wants her hands held” is exactly they dismissive parental attitude that results in you, in your old age, realizing all-too-late that you’ve been dismissive of your child’s needs.

Sounds to me like maybe someone needs to snap on the old hi-fi and dust off the LP of Henry Chaplin singing “Cats in the Cradle” and give it a listen.

Because when your kid sticks you in a nursing home and doesn’t have time to visit, despite your requests, you might hear that familiar phrasing come back to haunt you—“she’s just nervous and wants her hands held held”….and I bet it’ll hit different.

+1
Honestly, some DCUM parents just make me shake my head. Not being able to financially swing it is one thing. But totally dismissing a nervous kid because you feel they're just giving you a "guilt trip" is mighty sad.

Anonymous wrote:Ridiculous. You shouldn’t be going to her orientation. She can handle it.

Have you ever simply *enjoyed* going on a road / plane trip with your teenager? Sounds like the answer is no. I really feel for your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents go. Your kid is mentally preparing to move away from you for four years and she is asking for this time with you. Listen to her.

Oh, please. No she isn't. She's just nervous and wants her hands held. She'll be fine.

Stop with the guilt trip.

DP. The PP is right. How many more times is your kid actually going to *want* you to go with her somewhere? Sure, you don't have to go but she'll definitely remember that.

Why would you NOT go and not be aware of where your child will be for 4 years? And, additionally, ours had sessions for parents so you would miss those. I cannot believe, that unless you absolutely cannot go, why you wouldn't? This is not common in my NOVA circles. Everyone goes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents go. Your kid is mentally preparing to move away from you for four years and she is asking for this time with you. Listen to her.

Oh, please. No she isn't. She's just nervous and wants her hands held. She'll be fine.

Stop with the guilt trip.

She’s “just nervous and wants her hands held” is exactly they dismissive parental attitude that results in you, in your old age, realizing all-too-late that you’ve been dismissive of your child’s needs.

Sounds to me like maybe someone needs to snap on the old hi-fi and dust off the LP of Henry Chaplin singing “Cats in the Cradle” and give it a listen.

Because when your kid sticks you in a nursing home and doesn’t have time to visit, despite your requests, you might hear that familiar phrasing come back to haunt you—“she’s just nervous and wants her hands held held”….and I bet it’ll hit different.

NW- agree! I am glad OP decided to go. Life is too short to miss milestones.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for all the thoughtful replies. I have decided to go since it's not a huge burden - more of an inconvenience. I'll have to juggle some things at work, and I'll be spending $1500+ I wasn't counting on, but she wants me to go. I've already been to the campus once when we did college tours last year and will be going again for move in and then for parents weekend.

Since it sounds like you can manage the time and cost, I think this is a good decision, OP.

Thank you for all the thoughtful replies. I have decided to go since it's not a huge burden - more of an inconvenience. I'll have to juggle some things at work, and I'll be spending $1500+ I wasn't counting on, but she wants me to go. I've already been to the campus once when we did college tours last year and will be going again for move in and then for parents weekend.

Anonymous wrote:Where is this? I have two kids in college and worked in higher education for years. I’ve never heard of parents being expected to stay through orientation. There were parents there on move in day but they don’t stay longer than they logistically need.

Most colleges have some sort of programming for parents during orientation. Many are now in small groups over the summer. I agree with a PP that mid summer orientation is a pain. I much prefer the orientation right before classes start, such that you move them in and say goodbye then, and can skip the optional parent sessions.

Parent attendance at orientation is not necessary, but makes travel easier for a kid who doesn't have a credit card and needs to stay in a hotel the night before orientation starts. My next kid is under 18, so I am going with him to orientation just for the hotel factor even though I'd rather not, after having attended three orientations for older sibs.

However, the PPs are right that this also is a last chance for a little time with the kid before college starts. If it's too expensive or too logistically difficult, then don't go and explain that to the kid, but if you can make it work, I'd do it.

DD said most kids (like 80%+) had parents there, but it was not needed and didn't really have a point since all the sessions were for students only aside from a select few about various majors. If staying in a dorm, the point is to meet students. She went out with other students at night and did fine.

How far is the airport to the college campus? Is your DD comfortable Uber-ing alone? Does she know anyone going to this school (someone from her HS would be optimal)?

People on this board rarely talk about what a PITA it is to send your kid a plane ride away. This is just the beginning.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is signed up to attend the orientation next month and will be staying on campus. Parent attendance is optional, but DD seems very offended when I asked her if she would mind going alone. There is a parent program, but the flight alone is $500 plus if I go my hotel room for the 3 nights will be a minimum of $1K - plus I will be missing work days. My DD is expecting me to go, so I'll probably end up going. Wondering how many parents skip this sort of thing? I will be going in August to move her in, but I didn't plan on this additional trip.

Every kid had a parent at our orientation. Even my parents who barely knew I existed "back in the day" went with me to mine.

+1. Parent skipping would be odd.

It cracks me up that some people here still don’t know what summer orientation is.

Some colleges do orientation in small groups in the summer.
Some colleges have one, massive orientation right before schools starts.

Some schools have programming for parents.

This isn’t new. It’s been like this for decades. You probably just weren’t paying attention when you and your friends were getting ready for college. Or your memory is shot.

Anonymous wrote:She's not being unreasonable. Most parents do go. However, if you're economically challenged and finances are difficult for you, have a conversation with her letting her know that's the only part you're struggling with.

Is it inconvenient?—yes. Costly?—sure
But if it’s actually cost-prohibitive, it might have been helpful to have the convo about attending college a little closer to home to avoid this kind of missing-out quandary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents go. Your kid is mentally preparing to move away from you for four years and she is asking for this time with you. Listen to her.

Oh, please. No she isn't. She's just nervous and wants her hands held. She'll be fine.

Stop with the guilt trip.

She’s “just nervous and wants her hands held” is exactly they dismissive parental attitude that results in you, in your old age, realizing all-too-late that you’ve been dismissive of your child’s needs.

Sounds to me like maybe someone needs to snap on the old hi-fi and dust off the LP of Henry Chaplin singing “Cats in the Cradle” and give it a listen.

Because when your kid sticks you in a nursing home and doesn’t have time to visit, despite your requests, you might hear that familiar phrasing come back to haunt you—“she’s just nervous and wants her hands held held”….and I bet it’ll hit different.

Where is this? I have two kids in college and worked in higher education for years. I’ve never heard of parents being expected to stay through orientation. There were parents there on move in day but they don’t stay longer than they logistically need.

She's not being unreasonable. Most parents do go. However, if you're economically challenged and finances are difficult for you, have a conversation with her letting her know that's the only part you're struggling with.