My husband is a partner in big law and makes a great salary but not enough to hire a full time housekeeper and fleet of staff and drivers which is what we’d need for 3 kids. My ILs come stay and never mention anything while k work, make dinner, cook, clean, organize and drive other than continually mentioning how lucky I am. It’s fun. Most parents have complete blindness to their children’s shortcomings via a vis their spouses.

How would they know if your DH is underemployed? Do you all openly discuss salaries?

Mine did.

When he was unemployed: "The poor guy! He's trying SO hard, we feel so bad for him!" (no, he wasn't trying, he sat around watching TV and p0rn all day).

When he was underemployed: "He needs you to take better care of him! He needs a woman who will cook and clean! He's starving!" Ma'am I'm already paying 80% of the bills, the least he can do is get his butt off the couch and feed himself.

Bad husbands are often the product of parents who coddled them, made excuses for them, and told them over and over they were special little boys who any girl would be so lucky to have. Never were they taught to work hard, provide, and care for their family.

I would assume as an in-law, this is a marriage related matter. I may offer support in various ways, watching kids, inviting and paying for the family to come on vacation with us but I wouldn’t bring it up in front of anyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh has been chronically unemployed or under employed for a few years. My ILs never talk about it. I find it kind of odd. My life is much harder with extreme work stress as a result and they come visit and talk about traffic like nothing is up. I get that it’s awkward but I find it slightly bizarre

Like to embarrass him in a group setting? Maybe they've talked about it in private with him? I find your thinking slightly bizarre

Agreed, I feel like this would be unbearably rude

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine never brought it up, at least not with me.

For the poster asking what would I expect them to say - maybe a “hey are you guys doing ok?” Or “any way we can help?” Would have been nice.

DH has a blended family situation and the ILs are always quick to support his step siblings however, but that’s for another thread.

He is not their problem anymore. They made sure he got married- he is now your problem.

by that logic they are not OPs problem. You dont have to take responsibility for anything, including your ILs comfort. If it's OP's problem to host them, its their problem to feel awkward about the performance of their child to his family

PP and yes, I agree. The OP shouldn’t bend over for their comfort. She can remind her husband once that his parents are coming, and he needs to set everything up, and then she can walk away, especially since he seems to have way more bandwidth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine never brought it up, at least not with me.

For the poster asking what would I expect them to say - maybe a “hey are you guys doing ok?” Or “any way we can help?” Would have been nice.

DH has a blended family situation and the ILs are always quick to support his step siblings however, but that’s for another thread.

He is not their problem anymore. They made sure he got married- he is now your problem.

by that logic they are not OPs problem. You dont have to take responsibility for anything, including your ILs comfort. If it's OP's problem to host them, its their problem to feel awkward about the performance of their child to his family

Anonymous wrote:Mine never brought it up, at least not with me.

For the poster asking what would I expect them to say - maybe a “hey are you guys doing ok?” Or “any way we can help?” Would have been nice.

DH has a blended family situation and the ILs are always quick to support his step siblings however, but that’s for another thread.

He is not their problem anymore. They made sure he got married- he is now your problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh has been chronically unemployed or under employed for a few years. My ILs never talk about it. I find it kind of odd. My life is much harder with extreme work stress as a result and they come visit and talk about traffic like nothing is up. I get that it’s awkward but I find it slightly bizarre

Like to embarrass him in a group setting? Maybe they've talked about it in private with him? I find your thinking slightly bizarre

That’s what I was thinking too. Besides, if mommy and daddy didn’t already teach him about work ethic and being self supporting when he was younger, there’s probably not a lot they can say now to drive that lesson home.

Anonymous wrote:Dh has been chronically unemployed or under employed for a few years. My ILs never talk about it. I find it kind of odd. My life is much harder with extreme work stress as a result and they come visit and talk about traffic like nothing is up. I get that it’s awkward but I find it slightly bizarre

Like to embarrass him in a group setting? Maybe they've talked about it in private with him? I find your thinking slightly bizarre

Once again someone is shifting blame instead of taking responsibility for their own situation.

Your choices are to downsize your life so that you are working as hard

Or you drop the husband.

This is not your in laws responsibility.

Nope
That’s your man and your problem. Not theirs.

Anonymous wrote:If I were the IL in this situation I would be following your lead and not wanting to overstep by bringing up a difficult topic.

+100

It’s hard to host in laws when their child is not contributory. A lack of acknowledgement is likely adding to resentment. No one likes hosting in laws but when their child is a drain on the family then it’s a double whammy

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What in the world do you expect the ILs to say about it?

This. “Sorry our son can’t hold down a job. That must really suck for you.” Do you really expect them to say that?

Yes

I would drop this expectation. All it is doing is setting you up for resentment. If you need something, ask for it.