Anonymous wrote:Why doesn’t she get a job

Because OP pays the bills.

Amicable divorce. Kids are grown. Separate finances. She can get a job or run up debt on alimony.

Why doesn’t she get a job

Anonymous wrote:I'd love to know what she's spending on.
I have a friend who overspends and her big things are home improvement projects and decor, hair and nails (i had no idea it cost so much to maintain blonde hair), dubious healthcare stuff like acupuncture, unnecessary kid stuff like bespoke Halloween costumes, and equipment for new hobbies (like if she's learning to bake bread, she gets some fancy kit.) I don't know how she could rein it in without becoming a different person. She really needs a job to pay for her whims.

acupuncture is not dubious. I had a strain on my calf muscles, and one dry needle released the strain. Hurt like a MoFo but it worked.

I was shocked how expensive it is to get nails done. DD 16 got it done for prom. It was $60, which she paid for herself. Even she said that she won't do it again... until senior prom probably LOL

Anonymous wrote:You have to decide together what you want to do. You need to set a budget together. And then yes, put the fungible money in its own account and she can spend fungible expenses from there.

The way you're talking though you might be on the road to divorce. There's one team here and you're not being strategic and working together. Your main goal should be to get on the same page.

Or, just accept that she's going to spend what she's going to spend and at least your family is intact and no one is addicted to drugs.

Divorce would be worse for her than him. She may get half his assets but her spending would be impacted. OP doesn't have a spending problem, the wife does.

Anonymous wrote:1-2% a year from non-retirement assets is certainly doable. Even 3% is safe.

If OP's DW wants the same lifestyle in retirement, then she shouldn't touch the investments until OP retires.

Even then, they may probably won't have enough to live like $300K income.

We will have about $3.7mil when I retire next year -- DH is already retired. We are in our 50s/60s. But we have been living on $140K/year which is entirely doable on $3.7mil. You can't live on $3.7 mil in retirement when your expenses are $300K per year.

It's a simple math problem. OP needs to sit her down and go over the math.

She needs to get a job.

-signed DW

Anonymous wrote:Show us your monthly budget and what she spends money on if you want more concrete suggestions. My DH loves to talk about how "we" should spend less when what he really means is I should spend less. However, on the rare occasion he plans to make dinner and hands me a shopping list, its always filled with much more expensive ingredients than I typically use, so.... Hopefully this isn't your situation also.

P.S. New this year, the most expensive camps the kids are going to are the ones he insists will be the best experiences. And just last night he learned about an extra weekend camp for the oldest that would be $500 and was trying to figure out if we could change our summer travel to accommodate this extra camp.

Show us your monthly budget and what she spends money on if you want more concrete suggestions. My DH loves to talk about how "we" should spend less when what he really means is I should spend less. However, on the rare occasion he plans to make dinner and hands me a shopping list, its always filled with much more expensive ingredients than I typically use, so.... Hopefully this isn't your situation also.

Anonymous wrote:You have to decide together what you want to do. You need to set a budget together. And then yes, put the fungible money in its own account and she can spend fungible expenses from there.

The way you're talking though you might be on the road to divorce. There's one team here and you're not being strategic and working together. Your main goal should be to get on the same page.

Or, just accept that she's going to spend what she's going to spend and at least your family is intact and no one is addicted to drugs.

This might be the way provides she gets a job. I have a coworker (nurse) still working part time at 78. I asked why and she said it's purely to fund her casino habit that her husband refuses to pay for.

I'd ask her when she's getting a job. I honestly think she's just bored with her life. Maybe talk to her about how you might lose your job in the coming recession.

Anonymous wrote:I would start with a tool like monarch money that lays out very clearly your income and outgo. Something like that will make it easy to show her that your spending is outpacing your income. You can categorize each expense and see where the money is going.

Without a mortgage, it’s hard for me to imagine where all your money is going, but you need to be able to lay it out in black and white for her to see it.

Yes, something like this. Some of these responses advocate treating your wife disrespectfully and that will not end well.

You have to decide together what you want to do. You need to set a budget together. And then yes, put the fungible money in its own account and she can spend fungible expenses from there.

The way you're talking though you might be on the road to divorce. There's one team here and you're not being strategic and working together. Your main goal should be to get on the same page.

Or, just accept that she's going to spend what she's going to spend and at least your family is intact and no one is addicted to drugs.

Downsize the house or she gets a job

I'd love to know what she's spending on.
I have a friend who overspends and her big things are home improvement projects and decor, hair and nails (i had no idea it cost so much to maintain blonde hair), dubious healthcare stuff like acupuncture, unnecessary kid stuff like bespoke Halloween costumes, and equipment for new hobbies (like if she's learning to bake bread, she gets some fancy kit.) I don't know how she could rein it in without becoming a different person. She really needs a job to pay for her whims.

How are the college funds?